I left it off that I hardly understood any of the three-day course, and yet…
Since then I have distinguished (don’t forget, this was 27 years ago!) that mind-learning, understanding, actually stands in the way of transformation. Transformation happens as a result of an insight, but the mind is only capable of intellectual insights, and they are worthless, or better said: a dime a dozen. Almost worthless, lol.
So here we are, midday day 3 of the Communication Workshop. The sun is blasting, it is late August in Israel. We are asked to stand up and mingle. I look out the window. The room is on the top of a mountain that is surrounded on three sides with the beautiful blue water of the Mediterranean. Breathtaking.
We are asked to find a new partner to share with. My new partner is gorgeous. He is of Yemenite origin, a Yemenite Jew. Tall, wild looking, lean and sexy. We are asked to make a list of all the people we have a bad or so-so relationship with. My mom is on the top of my list, of course.
Then the leader, a fellow architect, asks us to cross out number one and number two from our list. I gasp. My father is number three… eggad… this is going to be bad.
The assignment is to say one sentence that would completely alter that relationship. One sentence? That is going to be tough.
My partner starts. Something about his sister and mother… I don’t quite follow: I am too busy being afraid. Then it’s my turn. It is hard to imagine this beautiful boy as my father, so I close my eyes.
I say with my best Hebrew: “You molested me. You put your thing between my legs. You beat me. You made me suck your you know what…” I open my eyes. The Yemenite, Mordechai is staring at me. “Is that it?” He asks. “No, there is something I feel wants to come up…” I say, and then I say it:
“You never married me!”
I gasp. I cry. I laugh. I am out of my mind! “Wow. That is what was there? All these years? It’s insane. It makes no sense… and yet…”
Luckily there was a break right after this exercise, because I had some more crying to do. My Yemenite hugged me. A few weeks later he visited me in Jerusalem.
Next morning I took the bus back to Jerusalem.
I went straight to work, and there to the bathroom.
We had a big bathroom there… Being lunch time, there were some 6-7 women there. As usual, when they saw me they stopped talking and started to leave the bathroom. I wasn’t a favorite at work.
Halfway through the door they tentatively turned back and stared at me as I was washing my hands.
“What happened to you? What did you do?” They asked.
“Nothing…” I stammered. “I just came back from a course… ”
That day there was not much work at the City Planning Department. People from all floors wanted to know what happened to me.
By 4pm four people registered. They said: “If it could do this to you, imagine what it will do to me!”
Looking back, I didn’t see much difference. I didn’t know why they didn’t like me when they didn’t like me, and I didn’t know what changed about me that suddenly they were so impressed.
Knowing what I know now, I understand something very important: your vibration (mine went from 35 to 175 in one swell swoop) is more apparent to others than to you. At 35 you hate everyone. You hate your life. You are like a black hole of misery: people avoid you. It feels contagious, infectious…
At 175 your vibration is closer to “normal” and you may even be attractive, especially in the comparison.
For other people your effect on them and on their lives is what decides if they want you or not. At 35 they didn’t want me. At 175 they still didn’t want me, but they were impressed.
Stay tuned to more of the “saga.” What happened after this may be even more significant that what happened so far.
But before I stop this installment, I want to drive something home: In the hidden recesses of the subconscious there are this poisonous little centers that one they can see the light of day, you will experience a big jump in your vibration.
This is what we do in the Activate Divinity Course. Once a month. Magical. Amazing. Much like what happened to me in 1985.
Part four will come tomorrow. It will have a video me explaining why positive thinking is b.s. and can never work.