How come they succeeded and I don’t. How come they got the promotion and I didn’t. How come they have a nice partner and I don’t. How come they are thin and I am fat? How come they get the results and I don’t? How come, how come, how come… What am I, chopped liver?
And more often than not, the answer is: “Because they do what you don’t.”
When you are the one who is slighted, how didn’t, can’t, don’t have, or didn’t get X, it is near impossible to see what it is the THEY do that you don’t.
One of my areas of didn’t, can’t, don’t have, or didn’t get X has something to do with being liked.
Not many people like me. It used to be better, and it used to be worse.
In Hungary I had friends, I had fans. I only had problems with authority: I never got a raise, never was promoted, and I was widely unpopular by the top brass of the companies I worked for.
Then between ages 34 and 64, 30 years, OMG! I was mostly alone. I only talked to people when I was giving them something, mostly stuff that they would have to pay for. I begged them to take it. I wanted to buy my way into friendship.
The past two years it’s been nicer.
I secretly knew why people didn’t like me, and I really appreciated when someone, by accident, liked me for a second. I knew that I was an insufferable person, haughty, superior, know-better-than-you, and condescending.
I had a real hard time to say “f… it”, instead my attitude was: “f… you!”.
I lived in a constant seering anger of didn’t, can’t, don’t have, or didn’t get X in spite of whatever…
Not a fun person to be, not a fun place to be.
Obviously, I had a lot more time available to me to work on whatever I wanted to accomplish stuff, while other people were socializing. I had about twice as much time, maybe even three times more. I was a high achiever, widely admired, envied, and hated. Maybe I still am… lol, it doesn’t bother me any more. I am comfortable in my own skin now.
It takes work to do, to develop capacities and skills, to attain all that X that others covet.
It all boils down to choices. Choosing between being with with other people, doing what’s comfortable and familiar, and doing without, choosing instead to do what is challenging, hard, and most people don’t want to do.
Now, I am not necessarily advocating doing without relationships, because you probably aren’t interested in the least.
But I want you to know that all the envy, all the longing, all the thinking about, all the dreaming, all the desire, all the planning, all the aspirations won’t every get you anything worth getting.
Unless, at least some of the time, you choose to do what’s not comfortable, you’ll never achieve anything, never attain anything. Not even worthwhile relationships.
What changed in my relationships in the past two years is the number of times I am willing to do what is not comfortable: letting go, allowing another to shine, or keeping my opinions to myself. Very uncomfortable, for me… given MY soul correction.
You have different things that are very uncomfortable… those are the things you need to do if you want more out of life. Bummer, isn’t it?