We talk on Skype. He teaches me more about people and about what might be the reason people are underachievers than anyone before... not because he is especially screwed up, but because of the context: we talk to build... different from my normal calls, which are coaching calls... got it?
Here are the things I am learning about what is missing to be a winner, to successfully build something new:
You don't know you have skills. What you don't know you have you can't cultivate!
I have realized that I have skills that are rare, and I didn't realize I had them.
You never realize what skills you have unless
- you are asked to pick skills you use from a list... prepared to be surprised, I was when it first happened back in 1988
- you see how clueless other are, how limited others are... you take your skills for granted.
I spent, between 1986 and 2000, approximately 30~40 hours a week building skills. I am still building skills, but they are not coming to me organized as they used to: I was assisting in Landmark all those hours... participating in leadership trainings, being a leader, coaching and training leaders, etc.
Here are some of the skills my friend needs that I have learned, and have forgotten that I used to suffer because of the lack of them:
- Powerfully handle overwhelm
- Prioritize my commitment
- Not be phased with interruptions
- Never get into a tizzy over too much on my plate
- Be able to say to difficult questions: I don't know... I'll let my mind work the solution out
- Have anger, but not be jerked by this anger
- Get things done, without hurry, without anxiety, without trepidation
- Be calm under pressure: time, money, etc.
- Clear my mind
- Be able to set a context of a conversation so the other person knows where I am coming from
- Declare something, like "I can handle it" and experience my whole state of being obey to the declaration
- etc. etc. etc.
It takes a lot of skills to be a winner in life, and none of them is taught in school, or by most parents.
Make sure you get to smooth sailing first
I am learning that you can't build a new project, a new skill, etc. if you are in survival mode. Survival mode is when you feel like you are up to your arse in alligators.
Protecting your arse, whether it is about money, about getting things done, or pleasing your spouse will effectively prevent you from learning anything new, building anything new.
You are barely making it...
Your most important job is to get out of the alligator infested waters, on high ground. Or alternatively "drain the swamps".
Most skills I haven't realized were rare started as an insight... and became skills through consistent and conscious practice.
If you don't wrestle back your the controls, the levers and the dials over your attention, you will never amount to much.
This, the skill to control your attention, is the most fundamental skill and probably the most invisible to the person who has it... so all the rich people never share it.
Napoleon Hill's famous bs. book, Think and Grow Rich is a sham... teaching people who don't have the basic skills, i.e. they are in kindergarten level in their skills, skills that are on a phd level... useless for a kindergartner.
PS: how and where you can get the insight that can lead to skills? If enough people ask for it, I can schedule a class, once a month... your job would be to practice the new skill for a month... Insights are a dime a dozen. Without practice you won't develop a skill... including spiritual skills.