Most people, when I ask them, want to be happy, or want to be free. They want to get more of this and more of that. The source of their happiness is outside of them. They want circumstances to change, including how they feel, how intolerant, how judgmental, how sick they are. Because even if those are inside traits, they are treated as, they are considered a circumstance: they seem to have no power over them.
You read a book, you read an article, you come to a webinar, and you get an insight. You feel wonderful for a day, maybe even for a week or two… but then it goes away and you are back being the same powerless person you were before.
Another person read the same book, the same article, was at the same webinar, maybe even sounded dense, or slow, or much stupider than you, and their story is just the opposite of yours.
Their life starts to blossom, their work becomes a passion, their relationships thrive, their health is moving in the right direction. WTF, you ask… right?
What is the difference between people who have a genuine turning point in their life and people who have an experience or an insight?
What is the commonality among the ones that do, and among the ones that don’t?
That is probably the most important question a coach can investigate, because if at least some of the “don’t” people could be “turned” and they would start experiencing life altering changes in their lives, then in could mean a world of difference, both for the coach and the world.
A student writes: I wanted to say I’ve been doing much better. I’ve been re-reading your articles, working at some stuff and I have been going deeper in to my life observing, thinking, making small steps… without trying to fix anything and make it wrong. One thing I really want to be able to get is how to OWN something like owning my attitude, my decisions, my making something wrong…. I get it in pieces but I don’t believe I own it in my language/words. I am not telling you all this to get some free coaching through email not at all. I am just sharing what has been going on in my life. In the mean time I’ll keep reading your articles until I get it. Also, a book Man’s search for Meaning has been shedding a lot of light for me and only because I’ve been coached by you, I can see some stuff. Thank you Sophie!
The missing piece is what is the difference between a human and a human being.
It is called: Ownership. It can also be called: Responsibility. And ultimately it should be, accurately called “Being Cause”.
Being cause is an attitude.
It starts with the now… Causing things the way they are. Good, bad, in-between, causing them to be the way they are.
Being cause gives you access to power. Without being cause, you are fighting life with your eyes closed or with a cataract blurring your vision. You are fighting life standing on one foot.
You are unstable, you are shaky, you are delusional.
Without being cause, the reality you perceive is NOT what is, it is always a “should reality” or a “should not reality” because the filter, unknown to you, is this should not be. Or how it is is wrong.
The process of going from human to Human Being is the degree to which you are cause.
There are popular slogans floating around: “you have chosen how it is” and in a way you did!
But truth repeated is a lie. Why? Because you are saying a mantra, but who is saying it has no idea what they are saying… the power of experience, the power of experience right now is not there…
Even if you experienced it once, by retelling, you are eating from the poisonous fruit of the Tree of Knowledge: you are lying, because truth repeated is a lie.
And the more Tree of Knowledge stuff you gather, the bigger liar you are.
So what there is to master is Being Cause. Ownership. The access to your own personal power.
How you do it? There is no “how” to it other than start doing it.
Without having a guide, without having a mentor with ruthless compassion to guide you, you are left to your own cataract distorted vision, your own lying nature, your own cowardice.
But it is possible, and it is actually surrendering yourself, accepting responsibility for your design as a human.
It is your birthright.
But only about seven percent of all humanity has activated the capacity at all.
For the rest of you it is dormant… and the only thing that activates it is action consistent with being cause.
Just like you cannot learn swimming other than swimming, just like you cannot learn to ride a bike other than getting on the bike, you can’t activate being cause by learning about it.
Actually, the more you learn, the further you get from it.
You need to get on the bike…
Yesterday, 1 I have took five brave students to mapping out their lives and creating an organizing principle that can take them to a life gloriously lived.
But… and here is the big but… without being at cause, without responsibility that “if it is to be, it is up to me” the gloriously lived life will be just a good idea… not a reality.
And that is my biggest fear in life… that I’ll have lived without making a ripple.