Silly sounding question, but it is not as silly as it sounds.
Because we look at life, at what is happening, through the limited perspective of the human mind, we actually don’t know what is happening, only
- a slice of what happened
- only a skewed version of what happened
Ultimately we can only experience and react to what we see, and what we see is both limited and skewed.
Result: our past and therefore ourselves are a result of unreality.
We base our future projections, our dreams and aspirations, our plans on the past… on a past that didn’t happen, or didn’t happen the way we perceived it.
If you want to change the future, you must change the past… there is no other way.
OK, but how do you go back to the past?
There are popular movies that show a childish version of what you need to do.
In the wildly successful movie, Back to the Future, our hero goes back to the past, but actually changes the action. Without a time-machine, that option is out of the question for us. And yet…
We can go back to the past and
- Change our cone of vision, so we can see more of what happened… include the surrounding, the point of view of others, history, i.e. what was happening at the time.
- Distinguish our attitude in the events. Then play with our attitude and watch it slowly change.
- See that in that incident we considered only ourselves and what we wanted, and none of what was going on, what others wanted, what others needed. Many people I know I stuck in that view of life even though they are no longer children. so we can consider what other people needed, wanted, and consider it just as valid as what we wanted and needed.
With those changes everything changes.
Cone of vision and attitude… change one, and the other changes. Change both and your life changes
How do you change your cone of vision and your attitude in the past?
I have already cleaned up my past quite extensively. It is very difficult to do this cleanup of the past in your lonesome: it is very useful to be heard or you’ll keep slipping back into the same narrow cone of vision, and into the same skewed attitude you had then. I see some of my students do that, week after week after week… and are ‘blissfully’ ignorant that they are doing it.
So, how do I practice how to do it? On myself… after all, even though I teach people all the things I can do, I have to know more, every day I have to grow, otherwise I become like those guilt ridden gurus I review… not an attractive future, not a pleasant state of being.
One latest series of experiments is through watching a series of movies on serial murderers, and the FBI agents who profile and catch them. (the series is called Criminal Minds on Netflix.)
How I practice changing the past
The opportunity to watch these “profilers” get the childhood, the stressors, the circumstances of the criminals is the “training” I watch to learn how to expand your cone of visions.
And the second part: include the criminal in the field of humans so I can have understanding, appreciation, and compassion for them, regardless of what they did… i.e. turn hate, disgust, fear, the usual skewing filters into something else… This is some of the training I’ve needed to develop my capacity to change my attitude.
We, twenty first century humans think that we can get transformation for the price of a burger and no work. But transformation, although it looks instantaneous, takes a lot of work, and also takes incredible talent from the side of the coach, ability that takes hours a day to hone.
I am getting better and better, every day, at it.
I am not bragging, and I am not complaining. I do it willingly.
In transformational language, roadkill is a result that you didn’t plan for, but is as valuable if not more, than your original purpose.
Roadkill: an unexpected benefit, an unexpected result on your way to a goal
I had a roadkill yesterday, I am still reeling from it.
In one episode, one of the FBI agents prepares for possible death. He leaves a voice message for his mother for this eventuality… He says: “I am proud to have been your son.”
In my practice, lots of my clients are not proud to have been their parents’ child… And the same has been true for me. The idea of bringing transformation to the relationship to my dead parents didn’t even occur to me.
Can you say: “I am proud to be your child” to your parents? Most people can’t
To be able to say, authentically, that I am proud to have been their daughter, I had to re-evaluate my whole attitude towards my parents, widen my cone of vision to include the era, to include their life outside of ‘our’ life, and to change my attitude towards them.
Then, as a third step, I had to look at the person I have become. My attitude could be that I became who I am in spite of my parents behavior towards me.
But the truth is that I could say just as truthfully: I became who I became because of them.
And with that last tiny switch, I have gratitude fill me, so fully that it spills out through my eyes.
Who would have thought that a TV show could make such a difference…
But, of course, I had to know how to use it to open up wounds and heal them, all in the course of an hour.
25 years after my parents died, finally I am grateful for my childhood
This is the work we do in in my programs… without having to learn the moves… I guide you on the calls.
And I am contemplating an ongoing training where you can learn to step back, to create a distance between events, thoughts, feelings and your Self… because without that, as long as you stay in the middle of the hubbub, you stay glued to your cone of vision, you stay attached to your attitude.
Because, for most humans, being right about what happened is more important than being happy. By far more important.
As long as you are right about your past, what was done to you, what your circumstances predict you can do in the future, you are stuck… your life is predictable, scripted, and no one can change it for you.
Back to the Future is a Trilogy. My favorite is the third part. Why? Because Marty McFly finally learns that he doesn’t have to react to being called a chicken, a yellow-belly, a coward. He can stay impervious… centered, and in power.
And that is what you get by getting to the core, to the seed level of your dysfunctional behavior in life… as dysfunctional as Marty’s or maybe even more.
Mine got me thrown out, punished, fired, hated, demoted, beaten… so I can say with some authority: without going back to the past and changing what I said about things happening there, I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t have what I have today, and as sure as anything, I would be miserable, miserable, miserable.
I feel you are tired of me offering my courses to you. I feel you want something instant, potent, something that releases the misery, the tension, the anxiety, at least temporarily, and I have the right thing for you…
And because of the epidemic I can’t get to the Fedex store, you get a special discount, because I don’t have the correct labels.
The remedy normally sells for $10 plus shipping. It comes in a bottle, and therein lies the mischief: I ran out of Heaven on Earth labels. I have a bunch of Rescue Your Sleep labels… so if you buy now, you can get a $2 discount per bottle… to make up for the screw-up.