Most programs deal with only one side of the story: they either help you unstuck (but you'll get stuck again, because there is no path for you), or they help you move (but unless you first unstuck, you may move to unhappiness, unfulfillment, disappointment, instead of a nice place). But what I have never seen is someone who does both, and definitely no one seems to use the energy of what fuels you, your hidden fuel source, a craving, a yearning, to help you get unstuck and help you get moving.
Help you get unstuck AND help you get moving.
If this was a mouthful, don't despair, I'll explain.
If you are stuck, and 99% of humans are stuck, FEEL STUCK, the process to go from stuck to unstuck to moving to a nice place with fulfillment is this:
- Realize and admit that you are stuck. This step is similar to Alcoholic Anonymous' first step: We admit that we have no power over alcohol. In our case we have no power over what got us stuck. None. And hiding it, lying about it, covering it up, avoiding it, being resigned about it got us the life we have. This step can be short and sweet. Say: Hey, I am stuck!
- Identify the nature of your stuckedness. Often just identifying it unstucks you. This can often be expressed in an "unanswerable question." It is unanswerable because no matter how many times someone answers it, it does not scratch the itch... Mine is "Do you love me?" But someone telling me they love me does nothing for me... the question still remains: "Do you love me?" Some examples: do you appreciate me? do I matter? am I worthy? am I smart? do I belong? am I OK?
- Curtail the stuckedness, put it aside for a few minutes, so you can create a list of some desired results you would like to have. This step is important and hard... because the machine that keeps you stuck would rather have you not look at what you want in this context... it would rather have your eyes fixed at the misery of being stuck.
- Analyze those desired results for the hidden and unfulfilled, unfulfillable yearning you hide, that are both needed for and result in the outcome. I'll explain it later...
- Create a unique, personal path for yourself to have what you yearn so that you can move, unhindered by the yearning, in fact supported by the yearning.
I have never met any program, any teacher, any coach who even knew about that yearning, let alone validated it.
It is not politically correct, and you hide it. Why? Because it feels socially unacceptable. Like: I want to matter! Or I want to be important! I want to be treated like a person! or something similar that tells to all that would listen that you feel that you don't matter, that you feel that you are not important, that you are treated like an object that is out of place. Telling anybody give them a way to abuse you, because it would tell them what is important to you... And makes you feel vulnerable. So you hide it.
It is often expressed, by the way, in your email address. Or your password.
I have a password that expresses that I want to be considered valuable. A student of mine reminds himself to be important. But because it is never openly talked about, because it is often hidden even from your own view, you believe that you can't get it.
That somehow you were excluded from getting that "thing" when they assigned what people can experience in their life... ahead of time, even, maybe before your birth.
You are almost sure it is lost, it's a lost cause, no matter what you do, it's an itch that can never get scratched, it's a hunger that never gets fulfilled.
In my educated opinion, this "itch" is the ongoing motivator of drug, alcohol, sex, work addiction...
Buy the way... on second thought, maybe mine is that I want to matter, so I have the right to be alive... it is consistent with my personal history where I believe that I am on borrowed time... because I was an unwanted baby. Unwanted and uncared for.
So you have this slow burning inside, hiding the unconfrontable truth, that you can't have what you want.
Before you completely give up, you try lots of ways to fill that void, but those ways didn't work, or only temporarily, so you finally gave up trying.
You resign to the fact that you want something that you can't have
If and when someone asks you to set a goal, or to get into growing mode, you may go through the motion to fake them out, to pretend that you are setting a goal for yourself, but the truth is: you'll never really do anything that matters, because for you it's a lost cause: you are certain that it can't and won't give you what you want, so why bother?
If you have been stuck for a long time, if you do things only for show, but don't really believe that you can achieve it and have what you really want, you are not alone.
- Until someone helps you to bring the missing item, the yearning to the conscious level, so that you can see it, own it, validate it yourself, and make it your job to provide it to yourself, nothing will change.
- Until someone teaches you how to scratch your own itch, how to stop waiting for others to provide that feeling, you won't be willing to set goals, and start taking risks, start moving forward. -->Click to read footnote 1
Until then you'll live in this split world: your inner world unfulfilled and hungering, your outer world pretending to be OK on one level or another. Guaranteed.
The Solution you've been waiting for
It's time for you to come out and play... get unstuck and get moving... wouldn't you agree?
A few years ago I participated in a course I paid $550 for. I got one thing out of it, one thing, and it was well worth it for me: I got the unanswerable question that was jerking me around, like a puppet on a string. "Do you love me?"
I found out and saw it clearly everywhere, that I never did anything for the joy of doing it, I did everything that maybe I will get loved... by doing that.
I spent countless hours with people I didn't enjoy being with, coaching people who didn't appreciate it, volunteering, helping, being smart... with the hope that I will be loved. It didn't work that way...
I wasn't loved... and the itch was burning and eating away at my Life Force... until I got what I was doing and until I put the solution in place...
Today I don't do much if anything I don't enjoy, and I have NO HIDDEN AGENDA in anything I do. I don't need you to love me, I don't need anyone to love me... I have handled the itch, scratched it for good. I love myself. I don't need you to love me.
Once you are unstuck, there is the bulk of the work to be done.
Because you never had an experience of doing anything worth doing for yourself, you may need a coach. And you may need to develop the capacity of being guided...
Or you'll go back into the itching state... and your life will amount to nothing or not much as a result.
How to get coaching from me?
At this point you have two choices:
Why the Playground? Because it is still in the development phase, and you'll get a lot of one-on-one coaching that you actually don't pay for.
The amount of attention and feeback you get in the Playground is worth 10 times of what you pay...
2. Sign up to one-on-one coaching.
Warning: it's expensive and I have no promises that it will be easy or a certain number of sessions.
If you want clarity: it is one kind of coaching
If you want a new life, a new business... it is another kind of coaching.
It is really up to you how much value you get in any coaching. Up to your attitude, and up to your willingness to work for what you want.
Reading something, hearing something, seeing something won't make a difference unless it causes a certain type of action: all results come from action. Your action.
One person chips away at a rock for their salary, and that is what they get. Another person chips away at a rock because they are building a cathedral... And that is what they get. Building a cathedral.
Observe what kind of person you are, and you'll know what you are getting... I give you all I got... and you'll get what you get.
Email me if interested.
And of course you can do the itch webinars...
- I, presently, have two students who somehow, through our interactions, got exactly this.There is this principle, a machine move that you dish out what you most want to avoid, your own missing item, your own itch, to the people around you, especially the ones close to you.One of these students, for example, have committed to see her son as a person... instead of a disappointing object that is not quite right.She even went one step further (congratulations! smart move!) and shared it with her son.Through providing personness to her son, she got in touch with her own need to be considered a person. Through this experience she started to see that this is exactly what the fireplace analogy talks to: you need to provide wood before you can get any heat... She is on her way to create a "machine" to keep her happy, instead of the standard machine that keeps her miserable.↩