What is more painful? The discomfort of finding yourself out, warts and all, or the pain of a life of not moving?
Most teachers, most gurus, let you remain the way you are (excellent business strategy,by the way, your misery remains, and you are hooked for life), and for that you are so grateful that you pay them money and more money. You spend your time with them. because it is so soothing… (but so are alcohol and drugs!).
After all spending time with someone who seemingly accepts you, seemingly approves of you, (or take drugs or alcohol) is temporary heaven, right?
In a joke…
…I have half-forgotten, a man beats on his nuts all day with a rock. He has quite a crowd watching. One sympathetic onlooker asks: ‘it’s like hell, right?’ The man answers: ‘No, it’s like heaven when I miss…’
When you follow a teacher or a guru with positive feedback to you… it’s like a respite from your “normal” life in hell… but you must return to hell and live there!
What is more painful? Discomfort of finding yourself out, warts and all, or the pain of a life of not moving?
The answer to the question is obvious: for most of us avoiding the pain of discomfort, of being found out (for being the chicken that we are, of failing, of not knowing what to do or how to do it) is more terrible than living a life that is going nowhere, than living a life of quiet desperation, a life that doesn’t make a difference.
That is the current state of humanity. That is what Ralph Waldo Emerson referred to in his famous expression: “Most people live a life of quiet desperation”
The Reality Gap: the difference between what you want and what you have
Let me say it clearer: People want to live a life that makes a difference. Living a life in quiet desperation is what they have.
The size of the gap between the two, the “reality gap” differs for each person, but each person lives in this gap, in their reality gap… and if you watch, each person chooses the quiet desperation more of less of the time.
99% of humanity chooses, consistently, day in and day out, quiet desperation, the waiting game, the ‘one day some day I’ll do something that matters’ game. The alternative is ‘living a life that makes a difference.’ It asks of you to take risks, it demands learning new things, being a beginner, clumsy and clueless… and doing anything new is scary.
I have a reality gap too… a big on. I dream of a world where people take on their lives, where people live according to their values, where people grow, expand, courageously.
A proud new humanity, Human BEINGS. The Original Design. The way it was meant to go… not this quiet desperation reality.
But it’s a daunting reality gap… But what if I could just touch 1% and make a difference for them? Turn that 99% quiet desperation to only 98%… would that make a difference?
Hey, that’s 70 MILLION people! 70 million lives! But…
…is there anything I can do to change that 99% to 98%?
I just finished a book, The Confidence Gap, that I loved. It offers great methods for bridging that gap… except for one thing: using those methods is like trying to play quarterback in American football, (or Center in soccer) with a coach’s playbook in your hand: it is hard to play from a book under pressure.
So what quarterbacks need to do is change inside. So they don’t need the book, don’t need to remember the methods, the formulas, they have one simple switch and they can choose quickly moment to moment.
I am developing that one-switch method in the “Fall in love with yourself” coaching calls, with different people, with different experiences, different attitudes, different backgrounds, different temperaments, different education levels.
The method that switches the attention, the context from where it’s going now: fear, trepidation, comfort, and such, to what matters.
I am sure there is a method that works for everyone, and I have a hunch that I have it… The activators make the switch easier, but as I can see, they lack the conscious support of the person… so there is work to do… on the individual level.
The trick is to choose between that and one’s values, one’s vision of a life well lived…
The gap never goes away… the trick is to see it and get back and into creating a life that makes a difference
Even me… occasionally, like now, am finding myself in the gap… I am realizing that I don’t know how to “sell” you on coming to the coaching call, so I can work with you, so you can start living a life that makes a difference.
I have tested my selling skills with a friend, just now, and I was unsuccessful. He wasn’t sold, and he won’t come to the call.
he wanted the results, but he didn’t want the process
While I had the “sales” conversation with him, I could feel that he wanted the results, but he didn’t want the process. Because the process of living a life that makes a difference involves taking risks, fear, trepidation, pain, discomfort.
What he doesn’t know is that once I build the switch with you, you are able to experience your fear and discomfort from a distance, see it, observe it, but not identify with it… so it doesn’t really hurt.
He lives in the hope that he’ll live forever… so there is time
The other thing I experienced with him, is that he lives in the hope that it’s not too late, that he has time, that he will live forever.
This hope thing is very common too. We live like we have time, that some day one day we’ll have what we want, we’ll do what we have to, and it will be all right in the end.
I would do it if I knew how… the skill gap
One of the most common issues is the confidence gap… the gap between your knowledge level, your experience, your skill level, and the task you want to tackle, or the results you want.
When you say: I want to be a millionaire, while you barely eke out a meager living, clearly indicates to me, that don’t plan to work towards the skills, the experience, the knowledge that is inherent in earning a million bucks, you hope that the million backs will just show up.
And I understand: I am dyslexic, learning disabled, ADD, all good excuses to never want to learn anything new, and I’ve used them a lot.
to be able to sell you what you need, I need to know what you want.
But for that I need to spend time to research what you say on Facebook, and on Forums, and on Twitter… But for that I need to be willing to spend days in front of the computer, on those sites, reading, and wading through stuff I don’t want to read, especially because reading online is not what a dyslexic is good at…
It is a pain… and I don’t like it.
Am I willing to do it? I haven’t been… to tell you the truth. And my results are consistent with that unwillingness… But if the difference between living a life that makes a difference, and living a life of quiet desperation is spending e week in utter discomfort researching for a needle in the haystack to find out what you want and how you express yourself, by golly, I’ll do it…
PS: I will probably postpone today’s coaching calls… to give myself time to “sell” you better… you’ll see. If you register for today, I’ll just move you to the new date… or refund your payment: your choice.
The payment link is still the same. Register now. Believe it or not, just registering will start making a difference. You’ll start thinking about what matters to you, what you will be able to accomplish with the new switch that will allow you to choose what matters.
Everything begins the moment you commit to it.