Turning Point 3: Create a life worth living
People are looking for higher consciousness, they are looking for the peak experience.
No one, in the area of spirituality, is looking for a great life.
People that are looking for a great life are busy creating a great life.
People who are looking for higher consciousness are people who are not willing to do much anything for a great life, but are willing to keep on being a seeker.
The question is: is it possible to turn a seeker into a producer of a great life?
The problem with being a seeker is that seekers that accidentally find something that works need to keep on seeking: their identity is vested in being a seeker, not a finder.
Exactly the same way that peace workers need war, labor unions need disagreements, police needs criminals, politicians need disgruntled citizens…
Or on another line of thought: if you think you are being attacked, everything will look like an attack to you, otherwise your identity, the one you so carefully put together to handle attacks, is useless. What would you do if there were no more attacks? Your life, as you know it, would be over.
Now, that I have established who is listening, I am going to throw my pearls in front of you… and tame my frustration: that is MY spiritual practice.
But I am earnestly contemplating returning to being a producer: it is more rewarding…
So, what am I going to teach today… or better said, write, fully knowing that no one will do anything even remotely similar to what I suggest that they do… lol?
You should be wondering why I am so sure… how come I know that you, I mean you, personally, will not do anything useful with what I am going to ask you to do.
I have a main reason, and that is a distinction that you probably never heard about: your listening.
There are two ways to listen, just like there are two ways to speak:
In communication they call the first listening and speaking about. You can be summed up in a simple word: you are the effect.
Your relationship to life and even to yourself is that of a victim. You may be able to force, manipulate, coerce, but the bottom line: you are powerful. Life IS in a certain way, you ARE in a certain way, and all you can do about that is to react to it, to try to fix it, but you are POWERLESS. You have NOTHING TO SAY IN THE MATTER OF YOUR LIFE OR YOU.
The language you use is descriptive language. You describe how it is, you describe how you are.
You check if you like it or not. You check if you agree or not. You check if it makes sense. You check if you like me or not.
You are a putz. You listen about.
The second kind of communication is generative. It comes from the vantage point: “it ain’t nothing till I call it.” 2
And therefore your only job is to call it. Call it the way you intend for it to be. Including yourself, your attitude, and your behavior. You design and create your life, and you make things happen.
In you and around you.
This puts you square into the 1% of humanity, much less than 1% if you live in one of the “civilized” countries, like the United States. Even less if you live in Canada.
1. How I turned my life around and you can too.
2. How I can cause “mystical” or “peak” experiences for myself, at will.
3. How you can have a great life, no kidding.
It started in 1987. It was such powerful turn, that even a massive brain damage in 1998 didn’t do more than slow me down…
Here were the steps:
1. I did a seminar called Excellence in 1987. We needed to find a complaint and find an off-the-wall solution to “fix it,” like bringing excellence to the complaint.
My complaint was that I hated my work. I worked as a hired hand architect, hired by companies that needed an architect temporarily. I was paid well, but I hated everything about the job. I hated the commute from New Jersey to New York City, I hated the work itself, I hated the lunch hour. There was only one thing I loved in my life, and that started at 7 pm, AFTER I got back from the City.
Lots of solutions would have made sense, but the assignment was to create an off the wall solution… This is what I came up with:
I told everybody in my life that I couldn’t take phone calls at work. I left my own personal phone book at home. I brought lunch with me every day. I used the walk (run?) to the train station in the morning as my exercise. I carried a book with me to read on the train.
At work I arrived on time, I avoided the break room, and worked diligently for the 8 hours I got paid for. I ate at my drafting board, and did not talk to my co-workers.
After only three days the amount of work I got done tripled, quadrupled. My enjoyment of the work increased. I completely and totally turned over myself to do the best job anyone can do by putting all of me into every line I drew, every letter I wrote.
I heard the co-workers calling me a weirdo, or the “weird-girl.”
I gauged my success with how often they said that. The more they didn’t like me, the more I knew I was exceptional and great.
2. The second phase of this turnaround came in the middle of that same year: I did a one-day course, called “More Time Workshop.”
The course was good, but it had one thing that, as far as I can tell, no one thought made sense…
You needed to make a commitment to not go to bed until
1. you completed your day, i.e. you checked off the things that you have successfully accomplished that day, and transferred the items that you didn’t do, or didn’t finish that day to another time and day in your calendar.
And if that isn’t unusual enough for you, the next step trumps this one in being totally off the wall
2. make a list of things you are committed to do the next day, and then schedule them into your day.
And you needed to make a commitment to start the day with:
looking at your schedule and internalizing it to get ready to hit the road running.
Not start your day with a good breakfast and the newspaper. Not with working out. Not even with shower. Not making a list of stuff you want to get done… no. With the schedule you put together the night before.
Why? Because you forget everything you are committed to when you sleep: you, sitting down with the schedule you put together in the morning, first thing, connect to what you are committed to, even if it doesn’t make any sense, and it won’t. I can promise you that. Last night’s schedule never makes sense in the morning! Why? I’ll explain later, when I talk about a seamless life.
The three years that followed after starting that habit,
I learned desktop publishing on a high level.
I learned how to publish a magazine.
I learned ad design and copy writing.
I started my own magazine and brought it up to 90 thousand rabid fans.
Of course I quit architecture: it didn’t need my ability and desire to communicate.
The amazing three-year run was interrupted by a new boyfriend: I could not reconcile sleeping with someone and living my own life. A curse for a lot of empaths, and normal women as well. (I guess…lol)
My vision of my life was to have a seamless life. Sleep puts a seam into your life, even if nothing else does.
You forget who you are, all the good things you are up to. All your aspirations. You wake up dragging with you the bad stuff from yesterday, and forgetting all the good stuff. You don’t remember what projects you have started, you don’t remember your promises.
And the same thing happens the morning after next.
Result? Utter unhappiness, no sense of accomplishment, a sense of fragmentation, a sense of your life not going anywhere, putting it bluntly: you and your life, just look and tell the truth.
It’s a direct result of four things:
4. speaking and listening in the victim, the effect way.
1. not putting all your energy into all that you do
2. honoring the distractions more than your own word
3. not putting in structures and designs to remember what you are up to, before life takes over.
If you don’t call the shot for yourself, there are plenty of people around you that will call the shot for you. And then your life will be about what they want, not what you could be up to. There is NO great life that is not directed by YOUR WILL.
In the connection calls we practice strengthening the will.
Without a strong will none of this turning point would have happened for me.
I understand you were born with a weak will, or you have lost its strength along the way. It’s time to strengthen your will back up, so you can have a life worth living.
- This expression comes from the three umpires story: three umpires are interviewed on how they call ball or strike. The rookie umpire says: I call it the way it is. The journeyman umpire says: I call it the way I see it. The seasoned umpire say: It ain't nothing till I call it.
- This expression comes from the three umpires story: three umpires are interviewed on how they call ball or strike. The rookie umpire says: I call it the way it is. The journeyman umpire says: I call it the way I see it. The seasoned umpire say: It ain’t nothing till I call it.