I've been trying to teach a new way to connect to Source. It would give you a lot more control over your attention, over your connection, and a lot better results overall.
The difference would be the greatest in the speed with which you would incorporate the activators: instead of having to repeat them 10-20-30 times, just a few repetitions would get you the same amazing results.
I have made, so far, four attempts. Each more disappointing than the next.
This morning I woke up with a familiar feeling I haven't been stuck with for quite some time: Devastated, hopeless, ready to throw in the towel.
In Transactional Analysis they called it your home address, I think.
Let me tell you a little story about me:
I left Hungary in 1982. Until that point I had read only one book on human beings and how human beings work. The book was called Empathy... the only thing I remember from that book is, that in spite of my upbringing 'they' could not kill my empathic ability to see what people are thinking and feeling why pretending to think and feel differently.
I didn't know I didn't have an ability only, I didn't know at the time I was a freaking full blown empath... grrr.
Anyway, when I arrived to Jerusalem, Israel as an immigrant, I spent a lot of time in used book stores. I was insatiable. I read about everything, and I wanted to try everything. I was like a kid in the candy store.
I read a book about expressing anger. I tried it... it wasn't easy, let me tell you. And then I read the book "What do you say after you say hello?" And I absolutely loved it.
That is the book on TA, Transactional Analysis everyone read at the time, it was a bestseller... And the Games People Play... another by the same author.
Well, the method, Transactional Analysis, doesn't really work that well, other than keeps you busy so you don't have to live your life, lol, but it did something really useful: it helps you identify what is your steady response to everything, what is your default response, what is it that you say after you say Hello. I find it really useful now, 30 years later.
This is how this default response thing works: you do your life, however and whatever you do, and no matter what happens, you always end up feeling the same way. Independent of the situation, independent of what happens, you just feel the same way about yourself.
For me that default feeling is 'devastated.'
Now, if I really look, I have a lot of creative ways to get to devastated, and I always end up there. Predictable, and quite unavoidable.
I used to think that feeling meant something.
It meant that:
- I don't belong
- I was on borrowed time and will be thrown out/abandoned/discovered/or fail at any time now...
- I am unlovable
The feeling is identical to one of the Bach feelings, one of the Bach Energies, called Gentian: the discouragement flower.
It tells me to quit while I am ahead. It tells me to stop now, who I am kidding, it is only a matter of seconds before it will be clear for everyone that I can't...
So, behind the confident demeanor, there is this totally different, certain-to-discarded-person...
Given all the work I have done on myself, I am lucky and I now expect it and recognize it. I asked my Self... the Observer, the Timeless part of me, to manage it. I could not ask it to be eliminated, it is impossible, but no matter what the feeling is, the response or reaction to it can be managed. The meaning can be managed. And your results in life will be strikingly different.
You have a default feeling like that... I mean a default homepage and a matching Bach Energy.
When we talk about climbing the evolutionary scale, (or climbing the Tree of Life,) one of the ways you can tell that you are succeeding, is the frequency with which this horrible feeling of yours visits you, unexpectedly, when things go well, when you need to make a change, take a risk... when it is the least useful.
Feelings and emotions are given to us as a guidance system. On a lower evolutionary level we think that the guidance system is smarter than us, that it can see more than us, and therefore we should always heed what it says.
I used to be a certified quitter. I had a hair-trigger for quitting, in fact. And in certain areas of my life I still struggle to take control: in the area of personal relationships.
Given my history of extreme abuse, I am mortally afraid of people and I have a hard time trusting. That is the core.
When you listen to me, you can often hear that I jump the gun, that I give up on people, write them off, call them names really fast, really easily.
But when you watch my behavior you can see that my Real Self is much more in control: I now seldom act consistent with the hair-trigger scared little girl I used to be.
Here is your assignment: start observing yourself. Observe your involuntary responses to any and all challenges. Start taking notes. Challenge yourself if you are willing. Try doing new things. Try taking a different route home. Get lost. Go to stores you don't know. Ask sales assistants to help you. Watch yourself in these situations. TAKE NOTES!! Don't rely on your memory!
At the end of the week count the different feelings that got triggered. If they don't point to anything definitive, continue challenging and observing yourself and continue taking precise notes, until the picture becomes clear.
That Bach Energy, if you guessed right, is your "linchpin" energy. If you start to override that one, diligently, it will be the beginning of a new era for you.
Don't expect the Heaven on Earth to do all the work. Why? Because my agreement with Source is that the Heaven on Earth will not do the work for you: after all the Original Agreement with Source was that we will earn our Light, or won't get any. The Heaven on Earth will help you to not get stuck with a horrible feeling, but you will still feel it.
The way you earn your Light and rise in vibration is by using the Will of the Observer to override the lower self, the put together self, that is the MACHINE. It's been running your life 98% of the time.
Just by taking back this small area, you can increase your dominance to 51% you and only 49% machine.
Make sure you have your remedy. There is a special on the Heaven on Earth in April. Take advantage of it if you can.