Your complaints: What is the source of your misery?

paradise lost your complaintsI have been pondering a student’s email all morning.

Today I was observing as the machine isn’t interested in going through a process to win: it prefers winging it… Go directly to the top, or zig-zag… with no rhyme and reason.

And then… suddenly, uninvited, a series of connected memories surfaced.

The the captivating story of a 13 year old killing his abusive father, becoming a cross-dresser… pondering if homosexuality is genetic, or imprinted (brain plasticity). I think about the Royals’ sexual behavior. I think about the beautiful enchantress becoming pockmarked from smallpox… to yet another movie’s heroine, face marred with smallpox… rejected by many, and accepted by the one she loved.

And at that I cried.

The insight: the crying, came from a ‘wrong’ I experienced as a child.

I started to wear glasses at age 9. One day my father and I were watching TV. A pop singer, a woman, was singing… I really liked how she looked, how she sang. She had glasses. I said to my father; “Look how pretty she is!” My father unthinkingly answered: “Everyone with glasses is ugly” or something like that… I felt it was directly said about me… I have, since, lived my life as an ugly woman, no matter how many people have told me I was pretty, or some even have said beautiful. I can’t overcome that hurt… and probably never will.

And then the insight came, that is what this article will explain.

citizen kane's rosebudWe want what we want. But when you examined what we want, we would always find that what we want is a “not that”…

What do I mean by that: We want something most fervently that fixes some fundamental wrong, real or perceived, done to us, or around us.

pockmarks left by smallpox: beauty lostThe pockmarked heroine loved by her lover, in spite of her disfigured face is a good example. She looks in the mirror and all she can see is the ugly. So anyone loving her, accepting her in spite of that, is a miracle of epic proportion: she herself has a hard time accepting herself.

If you want money, it is to fix something that’s wrong.
If you want love, it is to fix something that’s wrong.
If you want to travel, is to fix something that’s wrong.
If you want freedom, it is to fix something that’s wrong

Now, it’s normal, nothing wrong with it.

But, and here is the famous and ever present but: the world of abundance, your birthright isn’t available in a world where your dominant desire is fixing.

Fixing keeps what’s wrong in the picture, and wrong doesn’t fit with abundance.

Darn, you say, and you are right! You can’t win! And you are mostly right.

All the abundance you desire has one function only: to fix the life you have.

Abundance has no space to come in, because of all that needs to be fixed is crowding the space.

So, how do you become someone who has nothing to fix? Really! Not just lip service, but really

Because lip service adds another layer of pretense, blocking everything you want from coming in…

It’s simple, but not easy. And obviously you don’t have to do it. Plenty of rich people don’t do it. Beauty queens don’t do it. Film stars don’t do it. Sports stars don’t do it.

That is why, no matter how much fame and fortune they have, they are not whole and complete, don’t have peace of mind, and the lack, the thing that needs to be fixed still needs to be fixed.

dying lips reveal paradise lostIn the movie, Citizen Kane… no matter that he ruled the world with his newspapers, Kane was the same wounded child he was 70 years earlier when he was “sold” and could never again play with his beloved sled, Rosebud.

The wrong, the big wrong, you experienced, is life-defining. But more importantly, it has energy.

But desiring the opposite, the fix, is disappointing: the bigger the fix the bigger the wrong has to become.

The smarter you become, the bigger your stupid will become underneath it.

The slimmer you become, the bigger your “I am not OK the way I am, I am somehow really flawed, ugly, rotten, evil, bad, etc.” has to become.

face marked by smallpoxYou can’t get rid of your wrong, but you can use it… to propel you forward, but not in the direction of fixing it. It’s not fixable.

Why can’t we fix what’s wrong with us?

wrong-Because there is nothing wrong with you. There was never anything wrong with you.

Wrong is a judgment that you passed on yourself, or by others, and you accepted it as true.

The ultimate solution to this seemingly unsolvable conundrum is to diligently generate ‘There is nothing wrong in reality, nothing to fix‘ and at the same time, select a direction to which you want the never diminishing sense of wrong to propel your ship.

nothing wrong with youIt’s artful. It requires skill and presence of mind.

But before you can generate “There is nothing wrong here, nothing to fix” you need to sort out all the wrongs, look at them with clear, unemotional, sober eyes, see them for what they are: distortions. Unreality.

This doesn’t make them go away energetically, but it makes them manageable.

If you are too cowardly to face your wrongs, then you are condemning yourself for a life of misery: guaranteed. And a life of lack, more of the same.

YiUt2WoIf you read my previous article, you’ll see that the fundamental “wrongs” don’t disappear when you raise your vibration: mine are still there. And unless I get opportunities to manage them, look at them again, they start running my life.

Without this way of looking your life is run by these “wrongs” that need to be fixed, 24/7.

My heart goes out for you. I still remember what it was like…

What got me away from living in constant fixing mode?

This is what I teach in a new course… Prong 1 of the 3-prong method to get anywhere.

It is counter-intuitive… so if you are too ‘tree of life’ oriented, this may not work for you, you may need to spend the rest of your days fix what is unfixable. I can’t help you.

But if your brain, worldview is flexible enough, then this may work for you as well as it worked for me.

The automatic, machine-behavior won’t like it. But when you get it, the sun will start to shine.

You know I hate almost everything Helen Keller said, but one of her famous sayings could be modified a little, and then it would start to work:

  • Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. she said, causing untold amount of harm to millions.

She should have said:

Keep the shadow behind yourself so it can propel you towards the light.

It sounds simple, and although it is simple, it is very difficult. The hive-mind doesn’t like it.

I am going to write several articles to illustrate the issue… and point to the need of the solution.

Prong 1 is the first prong of this journey. It is like getting to base-camp at the foot of the Himalayas. The healthy starting point for the long climb. The starting point that results in reaching the top and being happy about it…

Most people reach what they wanted, like a new business, or making more money… but it doesn’t solve the underlying issue… so they need to go further and never achieve fulfillment, happiness, joy, health, love… any of that. They stay in the hamster wheel… forever unsatisfied, like Citizen Kane.


Get prong 1 of the 3-prong method

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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