Even coaches and gurus can have that feeling: actually this is what lead me to start this article.
Whenever I have a question about someone, or have time, I look up the online profiles of people that want to become a student of mine.
So I looked up someone today who has been a student, on and off for about two years now. I have had mixed feeling about her, so I looked her up.
This is what I found: she follows, publicly, 8-9 spiritual teachers... I am not one of them.
I feel used... it is like we are the kind of lovers that never go out in public, no one knows we are a couple... it is hush hush, something to be ashamed of.
I don't feel like a cherished teacher... I feel like a commodity.
All my life I wanted to be loved for me... not for what I give... and then, enter the machine, of course I am a giver, not someone to love. And yet... it hurts.
Now, let's look at your relationships: how many of those are with you for you, and how many of those are with your for the goodies they get, the answers, the gifts, the time spent...?
Look at all your relationships, not just the serious ones... Because I'd like you to start seeing something: it is not them, it is you.
I also want you to notice, that in "real" relationships you are puzzled why they are with you. I have had this response when I asked this same question on coaching calls.
Start asking probing questions:
What do I think is wrong with me, that I am trying to overcome by giving too much? Laughing too readily? Being funny, kind, sexy, accommodating, helpful, knowing the answers, a party starter, brilliant... etc.?
Remember that unless we get to your "itch", or "the pebble in your shoes", and own it, be responsible for it, embrace it, and maybe even use it as an energy source, life will play out the same script... and there will be nothing we can do about it?
Once you find it, put it in the comments below. You can comment anonymously, just put anon instead of your name. Do not make up email addresses: I'll put your answer in spam if you do.
What is my itch or pebble? It is "worthless".
And the more I give, the more value (worth) I give, the more worthless me, myself, become.
That is the fundamental dynamic of the machine... unless you know it, it is running the show that your life is. And by knowing I don't mean "I know about it", "I remember", or "I have been told"... know it intimately, the way "know" is used in the Bible... penetrated, owned, as intimately as in making love to it. "I make you mine" way of knowing.
Knowing about anything is about as valuable to you as knowing all the diet truths/myths have been... nothing happened as a result. You are still feeble, tired, insomniac, ADD, scattered, and maybe fat, sluggish, and heading to an early grave.