I always wanted to go home... home was a place where I longed to be, but I had no idea what that would be like. Surely where I lived wasn't home. Surely the people I was with left me feeling alone.
Later, relationship made my life busy, but I still felt alone. Not envying others, not something wrong, just alone. Like you are on the top of a mountain, and no one to share the experience with.
I got into writing, I got into speaking... and although I wrote and I spoke about my life, sharing didn't happen.
I resigned to 'this is my cross to bear, being alone'.
Then, this past summer, I had the bright idea to find someone to work with me so I can grow faster, than left to my own devices. Not a coach... a coach makes you work, but does no work. Not a worker: a worker does work for you, but doesn't work with you.
I called Alex, an internet friend of mine, to pick his brain, to ask for ideas how to find this person. To my surprise, he saw himself in that role.
The conversations were mostly me coaching him in his business, in his mindset, but he always made sure there is balance, and never hung up the phone without asking how he could help me.
This past weekend I found something I really wanted to share with him. I knew weekends were not ideal, but I knew I could call him on Monday.
Hey, I am not alone any more!
And in that moment I realized: I wasn't alone any more. I had someone who was right there, who was hearing me, who got me, who gave me a sense that I was no longer alone... a weird creature not understood by anyone, not wanted by anyone. That I had my first relationship among equals.
It's an amazing feeling. It isn't love, It isn't attraction. It isn't that I want him, or anything from him. It is a partnership. The kind I have only heard of before.
I remember my ideal was "soaring together", and when I mentioned it to anyone, it met with blank eyes. "Do you mean working together?" And I said yes, but I immediately knew that it wasn't that.
Two people, two individuals, both being driven by the "spirit" to grow, to soar, to fly, to do their own work, can soar together. The conversations is like the huddle in sports, the sharing of information, but the work gets done outside of these together moments.
What Alex is up to is his work, and I give him all I got to empower him with it, to empower him to be all he can be.
And with his listening and poignant questions, he empowers me to be all I can be, to soar higher, free-er, bolder.
Watching birds to learn about soaring
I watch birds. I watch the little birds that talk to each other constantly. That is all the tweeting... never alone, never minding your own business.
I watch the pidgeons: always together, always concerned about the other, always wanting.
I watch the geese: no individual, all for one, one for all.
And I watch the hawks and the eagles: they soar, unconcerned. Not belonging, and yet returning to refuel. Knowing where home is.
My mother was an empath
My mother was an empath. I watched him wither away. His soul correction was "Depression." I spent months in mental institutions because of HER depression. I chose a profession because SHE was hurt that she wasn't allowed to pursue that profession when she was young.
She did NOTHING for her soul correction, she never grew. She had the potential to be a conscious empath, and make a difference in the world. Instead she suffered.
There are thousands of empaths in the world. One takes it on.
Being an empath is no fun, in fact it's horrible. Just to be as effective in life as others, who are not empaths, takes an awful lot... because other people's emotions is a burden.
The one that can carry it, and grow with it, and then step back and watch it, watch the burden, has the potential to become the "One True Empath."
True Empath: Is that a "job"?
No, it is a description by the outsiders. There could be thousands of true empaths, if they did the work to first grow in spite of the burden, to step back, and to take on the empathy as a surgeon takes on his knife.
It's still the surgeon's brain and hands that matter, not the knife. And, of course, their "heart", whether they will use it for good or for bad. To enrich themselves or build something worth building.
Desire for the self alone vs. Desire for the sake of sharing.
Getting and staying clear
I recommend that.
In olden days when Werner was still around, he used to clear Forum Leader candidates before they were allowed to lead a class.
It took him days to take them to nothing. And Forum Leaders are special people...
Our Playground program is MY way of clearing people, so eventually they can get to nothing and to beingness. Four people are in it. Four people from Planet Earth are ready to get to nothing... out of thousands that hear about it.
It's work worth doing.