Update: Now that many of my students have managed to enter father-child, the only place where real love can be experienced… some of them get scared. The voice, IT, is telling them that they will not be loved, if they stay on that high place….
This article, hopefully, is going to be useful… if for no other reason, is to see that TRUST is countered by FEAR, and that the VOICE is on the side of FEAR.
One of the hard wired characteristic of a human is the insistence on making their own decisions.
But, we often don’t have the tools, the knowledge, the means to make sound decisions, and yet… we keep on insisting.
The seed level of this characteristic is the fear to trust. Anyone, any time, anywhere. We don’t even trust ourselves, but we trust others even less.
It’s a learned behavior. We learned that people have hidden agendas, that people are not honest, their real intentions and their pretend intentions are not the same… so they can’t be trusted.
Most of us have given up our empathy, so we can be less disturbed by people’s duplicity.
We are, by the way, one of those people that can’t be trusted. We know we can’t be trusted. And we know that other people are just like us.
So we keep making our decisions based on our knowledge, based on our instincts, or based on impulses that jerk us around.
Wrong decisions and worse decisions result, but at least we made our own mistakes.
The impossible “s” word comes to mind: surrender. We would have to become vulnerable: i.e. allow the other to hurt us if that is what they will do, hoping that they won’t.
If you are religious: you have never surrendered to your deity, to the god of your choice… not yet.
If you are like me, you want to trust in Life, you want to trust in All-of-it, I still have a wicked difficult time to surrender. Unconscious… but today of all days, it became conscious to me. The moment it became conscious: I surrendered and asked for help.
You see, until now I had been struggling with a massive insect infestation. Biting insects. I have tried every solution I could think of, every solution I found on the internet, but nothing worked, or not for long.
I had to be at my rope’s end (this was only the second time in my life this happened). I could see that everything I knew, everything I could think of was useless. So I said the three magic words: “I need help.” And then I sat down, closed my eyes, and just waited for the message to come to me.
Because I surrendered, the message came almost instantly… I have ordered what the message said, and I’ll know the results in a week or two. Stay tuned.
Now, why am I sharing this with you?
Because you have been pretending that you need help, but you pick and choose what you will use and how you will use it… a clear sign that you are engaging in what I call arrogance.
I correspond with and talk to many of you, and it is clear to me: there is not one person who has surrendered. Not to me, but to the knowledge I divined from Source. The methods I divined from Source.
Your life, your results are, like mine have been with the insects: sporadic, nothing to write home about.
It’s OK with me what you do. You are OK with me. But are you OK with you, now that you know?
Your questions come from your knowledge… And you hear what matches your knowledge.
You haven’t surrendered to Life.
And as a gift: here is an article I found on the same topic… in the footnotes area 1A Study In Pistanthrophobia: The Fear Of Trusting Someone.
Trust is often misleading. We trust those who deceive us at every step, and tend to fear to trust those who have only helped us in our paths.
I often wondered why.
Why is it that we seek attention from people who seem to not care, and never care about those people who spend every second of their attention on us?
Why do we worry about being hurt when we are hurting someone else?
Why are we unable to think or pursue the thoughts of people whom we have hurt?
Why are we so selfish when most of us announce that we indeed are selfless?
All I heard in my head was WHY??!
I kept thinking and I still do at night. We humans have a knack of choosing what we cannot attain.
We keep aiming for the impossible, and during this race towards the unknown, we often… actually, we always… miss the possible. For us, trusting is a challenge. No matter what has happened before, whether it was broken or kept forever, we will always test anyone and everyone on whether they really do deserve our trust or not.
During that analysis, we set boundaries. Boundaries that are defined by the factors that actually play no role whatsoever in trusting someone. We lay off boundaries based on how the person interprets what we say, how they seem to be after hearing what we had to say and what the person decides to respond back to what we just said.
What people fail to realize is that sometimes we say what we never intend to, and understand something we never wished for.
For example, a simple “hi” can be interpreted in many different ways. The interpretation depends on the tone of the voice, the emotion of the speaker, the gestures of the person, etc. So trusting or not trusting someone on how they respond or talk to us is actually and quite frankly baseless.
If a person is said to be hurt due to someone breaking their trust, they won’t trust anyone too soon. But you’ll always find that a person wishing to trust someone. It is in their nature. It is in all of our natures. If something is once broken, we experiment on finding out how it could be fixed or prevented. And just like every other experiment, we take precautions beforehand so as not to have the whole mission blown in our very face.
The person, let’s call him/her A, warns people off by saying that he/she doesn’t trust them, or they are not expected to be trusted, but deep inside, A wishes that people challenge his/her defence. That they break down his/her wall and get to the other side.
Simply because A wants to be proved wrong. A needs to know, deep down, that not everyone will break their trust. Not everyone would lie and cheat and deceive. The fact that they wish something like this happens is proof that they don’t wish to be hurt. They want to seal their wounds with bandages of trust and bonds. Bonds that they wish never end. Trust that they yearn that never fail.
The problem that occurs in this wishful thinking is that the chance they give out is not always the correct chance. There’s a probability of them getting hurt again. There are often instances when their trust has been landed on the wrong person.
Why? Why is that they trust the wrong person again? Do they want to?? Obviously not. To them, the person who hurt them the first time is now a stereotype. If they find someone they same way; talks the same, walk the same, behaves the same etc; they automatically block the person out without another look. But if a new person enters, who they know nothing about, they give it a chance. I’m not saying its wrong, hell I have done it too, but it’s the mindset that counts. To A, trusting the same type of person involves the same thought process and emotions. But with a different type of a person, it’s a whole new set of emotions and thoughts. The varied subjects and feelings attracts A into a different universe where they think: If I trust this person, will I be able to seal the gap inside me?
But there is always a chance for this person to be just like always.
He/she could betray A and leave or stay.
If they betray A, they live off normally while A is swallowed whole into their conscience and guilt of: HOW COULD YOU ALLOW THAT PERSON IN??
If they stay with A, then A would always expect a day when they break their promise and leave, cause that’s what everyone has done till now, haven’t they??
There is never a time when A can truly feel secure. Cause no matter how much you straighten a crumpled paper, there will be creases.
A person who trusts and is trusted are those types of people who always live in fear. The fear of being hurt or hurting someone. Normally those who break peoples trust don’t care much for the other person, but there are some human beings who do. Not all idiots are assholes. Remember that.
And the person who trust, fears of betrayal the most. The betrayal of a person with whom they have been themselves, in their most vulnerable environment; their comfort zone has been evaded and they were the one to let them in.
Then there are those who have been hurt and not being hurt.
Those who have been, live in the fear of being hurt again, cause what’s to stop it this time, eh?
Those who have never been hurt will never stay that way. There will come a day when they are hurt; but their fear will be different. They fear, whether they will live through it or not.
So through my thinking, I have come to one conclusion.
No matter who we are, what we went through and who we trusted, we will always live in fear of trusting someone.
It isn’t easy to let people in, nor is it easy to get close to someone who lets us in. So if ever you come across this emotion, trust your gut and move on. Cause we’ll always be afraid of something or the other, but the fact that we can still walk with that fear is what makes us strong.