I weep about it, dream about it, ponder about it.
If I know what it is that is significant, or if I even know what it is that I saw, I write a blogpost about it. After all, unless it is shared, I have a sense that it sunk back into the undifferentiated nothingness… as if it never happened.
This is why I ask my students to share… so far no one has gotten it… the gift that it is.
A few months ago I watched and re-watched an episode of “Criminal Minds” on Netflix. It’s about a pair of Upstate New York (my home area) serial killers. Specifically, the female member of the team.
She is a young, beautiful Black medical student who participates in the murders because she “loves” her partner, the brain behind the murders.
She is in a mental institution, prepped for testimony, when the truth that she was part of the murder team comes out. And the truth: if she were let go, she would continue if her beloved asked her to.
The horror of it is both familiar and unfamiliar. I can recognize myself, and I am sure you can too.
You do what you are asked to do, even if it is against your better judgment, even if you pay for it with your sanity. You justify it with “love”, or you justify it with “need”, but you justify it, so you can stop yourself from killing it, so you buy yourself the “reason” to continue it.
Today, as I was pondering one of my students who is stuck in Ego, and her vibration is tuck with it.
The ego is not your enemy, but the ego is not your friend either. It’s like an elevator: does a job. But if you live in it, you have seriously reduced your chances for a happy life.
But what is it that makes us surrender our reason, our better judgment, our sanity, our freedom, our integrity to another’s cause, and give up being an individual, give up our own growth?
What is it that allows us, maybe even encourages us to become a slave?
From my point of view, every “relationship”… a status, is slavery.
From my point of view, most everything that clips your wings is slavery.
You can be a slave to the ego, a slave to society and society’s expectations, a slave to another person or a group. Because the emptiness within MUST be filled, because you can’t be with who you are. Most soul corrections have this in common.
When I look through this filter: slave, I find a lot of those that I know are obvious slaves, and I guess if I looked longer, all of you.
The woman whose talents are non-verbal wanting to be known for her brilliance as an intellectual.
The woman who deals with her own worthlessness (itch) through being of service and being used up for another.
The woman who married for the wrong reason and stays married for an even worse reason.
and I could continue this list… but these are my three favorite students, so I mention them.
If you have a chance, watch that episode… the meekness of the confession breaks my heart, echoes in my soul, and I can’t stop weeping.
I have found the episode and will post to my subscribers only site
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