In the story I am currently following on Netflix, The Guardian, the lead character finally shows his true colors…
Now, I did see outward signs of it, but the emotional side, maybe because they picked the wrong actor for it, didn’t match.
The story is about a talented lawyer who gets caught possessing and using drugs. Instead of sending him to jail, they sentence him to 1500 hours of community service, to work as a lawyer to help children who need the system to help them. 1
The signs, that he doesn’t open up, that he doesn’t look people in the eye, that he keeps incredibly busy… were there, that there is a deep seated issue, unresolved. That the reason he liked cocaine, because the person, under the influence, was courageous, joyful, dynamic, and felt acceptable.
The person, without the cocaine, is afraid of intimacy, afraid to open up, afraid of looking people in the eye.
Now, why am I sharing this with you? Because we all want to get where we want to get to, fearlessness, peace, balance, serenity, or maybe worldly success and fulfillment, love, without actually doing the work, cracking the tough nut that we built around our wound.
It’s not going to work. It is, maybe in the eyes of the other, is going to be beautiful, but you are in that tough nut… your essence is trapped there. Your beauty, your humanity, your peace, your love is trapped there, and unless you crack that nut, all that you ever achieve is going to be unfulfilling, and never last.
You won’t enjoy it.
So, what’s the problem?
Cracking the nut is a very delicate issue. And it needs looking, grieving, feeling your feelings that got trapped, and
- few people are willing to feel what is trapped in that nut.
I remember being in therapy being afraid that if I let go and feel what I never allowed myself to feel, I’ll die, or other people die.
For me, it seemed that it was anger. But when I finally let go, underneath the anger was desire, attention seeking, the willingness to be used so I can feel wanted, useful, deserving to live.
It is not a simple one-step operation, and it requires you to not be alone, to have someone there who helps you to be reborn.
It’s a rebirth, a return to innocence. Maybe not quite THE rebirth, but a rebirth without which you can’t get to THE rebirth, that results in you becoming ONE, instead of the duality that is the source of pretense and misery.
- The person, the midwife, has to have gone through their own rebirth, otherwise they will lead you astray, and the nut will close again.
But, of course, it is almost impossible to find anyone who is suitable… It takes five to seven years to train a Landmark Forum Leader, and sometimes they let a person lead who didn’t actually return to innocence… they didn’t go deep enough.
But even with that, there are 50-something forum leaders, and billions of people. There is not a lot of opportunities to do a one-on-one interaction.
One of the problems YOU face, is courage deficiency. Most readers or students I have on this site don’t have the courage to do a program like the Landmark Forum. Why? Because they are afraid of what might come up. They are afraid of not being in control.
Working with someone who doesn’t have the courage is neither rewarding nor effective. It takes a lot of courage to do this work.
I have a student who has done Scientology. And although I don’t like what the church does, the underlying Dianetics methodology is aimed at finding the tough nut, so the participant can start growing.
She brought me an issue, to a private session, that her Dianetics person discounted, and yet it turned out to be her nut.
Since then she has been gathering courage for a followup, so it is not a one-time event.
After I saw what I saw in my therapy session, back in 1985 or so, it took me another 10+ years to actually really get to the core of it… own it, and bring Witness to it.
And Witness is the secret of most anything I see could make life work.
Learning to stand in the Witness position, from where you see that things are wrong, that things are not what they ought to be, but you are not touched by it.
You see, when you try to make what is wrong right, you are still in the midst of it, and you are lying…
Lying doesn’t make life beautiful.
I have another student whose husband is an a-hole. She is trying to make it right how he is… but it is not right. She is trying to make right how people judge, or how people live, but it isn’t right.
So she is forced to lie… and of course that increases the duality that is making your life miserable.
Instead, she could stand in the Witness position, where she is untouched by the wrongness, the emotional reaction to wrongness, because there is no reaction.
It is just what it is: wrong. Neither here or there… Nothing to do, nothing to fix, just like the weather… so what.
Now, I have found the Witness position about 10 years ago… but I still, 4-5 times a year I have to return there, because I got pulled out of it…
No one can live there permanently, those who say they can they are lying.
You attain to a capacity not a state. No such thing as enlightenment, it is a live process, stepping back and stepping back and stepping back.
The world is full of fake prophets, false gurus, and liars.
this trailer for the guardian is just here to fill space… and help me with getting out this article.
- Simon Baker says about his character: “I thought I could walk a line with Nick, that I could make the character very internal, where he wasn’t likeable but the audience would still root for him. There was this challenge: I thought I could play this sort of thing where you’re hoping he makes the right choices and you feel for him when he makes the wrong choices.”