Twice in my life I had a choice to choose being attracted to women… I mean mainly.
The first time the choice was made for me: when the woman found out that I had no history of being attracted to women, she said: “I won’t do that to you.” I was about 22.
The second time I found myself turned on by a woman dancing, and I clearly saw a choice. I saw that I could choose to pursue that, but with that I would choose a life of hiding, a life of not fitting in, a hard life. I chose not to go for it.
As a sex therapist, coach, I talk to a lot of people.
I don’t buy that you are born gay. You are born normal, but are turned at some point.
Many of my gay clients knows about the incident. Many don’t.
But… have you noticed that most of our good looking actors, (I could say all… but of course I don’t know them all) are gay? Men prey on them.
And like with everything, early imprinting is hard to overcome.
We don’t seem to have a choice… although we always do. But because responsibility is a high capacity not activated on everyone’s DNA, we play the victim… and go with the flow.
Taking responsibility, i.e. declaring oneself as cause, removes guilt, regret, and returns you to power, whether you chose to pursue same sex or the opposite sex members.
The work I teach firmly stands on responsibility. Responsibility is the foundation, the doorway to gain power in life, access to personhood.
Without responsibility there is no person, there is only effect… no person there. 99.5% of humanity falls into this category, no wonder life is not fun. It is not fun for them, and it is no fun for anyone around them.
The capacity of taking on responsibility is a self-activated capacity… no one can do it for you. I can’t make you responsible, you need to make yourself.
Another tricky part of responsibility is that it is a distinction: and most people are mentally feeble to grasp distinctions… they can’t see the forest for the trees, or the trees for the forest.
You can only be responsible for what belongs to you… your choices, your speaking, your actions. But all of those are hard to see… forest/trees again.
In my story about my gender preference, you could see (or go back now and see) that I was clear I was choosing. It didn’t happen to me, I chose it. And I chose whatever I said about it too. And I choose to be consistent in my actions with my choice.
A student of mine has been choosing, for about 30 years, to be never alone. She never chose it. She doesn’t like being along… that is the liking choosing, not her.
She has to … it is the ‘has to’ that is choosing.
As you see, distinguishing what is choosing, what is responsible is the way to find what you can be responsible for.
But until then: you are not a person. Sorry to burst your bubble. And, unfortunately, is an all or nothing phenomenon. And approach to life…
You are either pregnant or not. You are either approaching life from power, from responsibility, or not.