Let’s talk about sexual preference

chose to be straightTwice in my life I had a choice to choose being attracted to women... I mean mainly.

The first time the choice was made for me: when the woman found out that I had no history of being attracted to women, she said: "I won't do that to you." I was about 22.

The second time I found myself turned on by a woman dancing, and I clearly saw a choice. I saw that I could choose to pursue that, but with that I would choose a life of hiding, a life of not fitting in, a hard life. I chose not to go for it.

As a sex therapist, coach, I talk to a lot of people.

I don't buy that you are born gay. You are born normal, but are turned at some point.

Many of my gay clients knows about the incident. Many don't.

But... have you noticed that most of our good looking actors, (I could say all... but of course I don't know them all) are gay? Men prey on them.

And like with everything, early imprinting is hard to overcome.

We don't seem to have a choice... although we always do. But because responsibility is a high capacity not activated on everyone's DNA, we play the victim... and go with the flow.

Taking responsibility, i.e. declaring oneself as cause, removes guilt, regret, and returns you to power, whether you chose to pursue same sex or the opposite sex members.

The work I teach firmly stands on responsibility. Responsibility is the foundation, the doorway to gain power in life, access to personhood.

Without responsibility there is no person, there is only effect... no person there. 99.5% of humanity falls into this category, no wonder life is not fun. It is not fun for them, and it is no fun for anyone around them.

The capacity of taking on responsibility is a self-activated capacity... no one can do it for you. I can't make you responsible, you need to make yourself.

Another tricky part of responsibility is that it is a distinction: and most people are mentally feeble to grasp distinctions... they can't see the forest for the trees, or the trees for the forest.

You can only be responsible for what belongs to you... your choices, your speaking, your actions. But all of those are hard to see... forest/trees again.

In my story about my gender preference, you could see (or go back now and see) that I was clear I was choosing. It didn't happen to me, I chose it. And I chose whatever I said about it too. And I choose to be consistent in my actions with my choice.

A student of mine has been choosing, for about 30 years, to be never alone. She never chose it. She doesn't like being along... that is the liking choosing, not her.

She has to ... it is the 'has to' that is choosing.

As you see, distinguishing what is choosing, what is responsible is the way to find what you can be responsible for.

But until then: you are not a person. Sorry to burst your bubble. And, unfortunately, is an all or nothing phenomenon. And approach to life...

You are either pregnant or not. You are either approaching life from power, from responsibility, or not.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

6 thoughts on “Let’s talk about sexual preference”

  1. hmm, it’s puzzling – if you never choose X, didn’t you, in fact, chose Y?

  2. are you referring to choosing sexual preference? Most people have the choice made for them, societally and biologically…
    99.99% of people never actually consciously choose, instead allow something else to choose for them: how they feel, their urges, society, the other, etc.

    The best example for choiceless choice is: choosing your mother… choosing your life to be the way your life is. It is weird for people. They resist how it is… but there is no other choice.

  3. Finding similarity with the student above, and mapping it on myself, I was referring to the situations when you delay choosing, but I see now: ‘choosing consciously’ is the key distinction. Otherwise, when you delay you allow it somehow passively, conform, comply…

  4. I have to wonder if the use of the term”normal” in this context is Tree of Knowledge or Tree of Life. A Martian visiting the earth would certainly see a lot of homosexual activity, spread across a wide spectrum of the animal kingdom. Yes, humans might be different, and it does seem that many gay people have a story about an incident. It is nature+nurture?

    In my case, I identify as bisexual only because I believe it to be true…a discovery about my nature. Still, I am primarily attracted to women, and have chosen to do very little with the attraction to men, as there seems to be very little upside in it. (And I don’t feel that I am suffering for the lack of the experience. Yes, I think I could be in a relationship with a man, but just to go and and have sex with a man? No. I don’t do that with women.)

    It seems to me that people who come out as gay are making a choice to follow an inner urge, leaning, or preference, whatever the cause or source. I think sexuality exists along a spectrum, with people at both poles and some sprinkled along in between. I think there are people who choose to be straight or act straight who may be suppressing the complete truth. Is that an integrity issue? It might be a source of suffering. Not to mention people who change or expand their preferences later in life.

    What to make of transgendered people…who feel they were born into the wrong body?

  5. I don’t know what is normal, I only know that the principle: “Life wants more life” in sexuality means, maybe, more children. Children bought in love?

    And maybe Life also wants sexual energy to be used productively? Life not be about sex but sex be about life?

    I don’t know. But nice post… thank you

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