Have to, need to, want to, and should
I woke up this morning and noticed that I haven’t been very busy. not much to do. I mean I am writing my articles, doing the services I promised, but not busy.
I wonder what I should do, now that I am not busy.
I came up with the idea to write a book: The empath’s job in a world where people are going numb.
Then I came to my computer and read a client’s email… and I had a flash of insight why humanity is going numb…
This is what this article is about. So you, at your place, in your person, arrest or maybe even reverse this seemingly unstoppable process that has resulted in your misery, carefully hidden, across the world, maybe even China. Who knows?
You want Free choice,
…but you can’t choose when you have to. You react to the binding, you react to the pulling. Your mind says: I have to or… doom… it says: unless I do it, doom. And you live your life from threat to threat to threat… till you die.
So what can a person do? On one hand they need to, have to, should a ton of stuff… on the other hand they are jerked by the “I wanna…” urge.
The disappearing Self
What is disappearing is the bounciness, the buoyancy that is caused by the Self. The Self that is an inner direction, like the air bubble in a tea-bag bringing it to the top of the tea, like the air in a basketball that is forced underwater… It will always bring it up to the surface. Always.
In some part of your being you know that you are trying to survive underwater, pulled down by the having tos and the wants and all the forces in-between.
You sign up to all the things you sign up to, to get that buoyancy back. To get the Self back. To get back the sense that you are you, and all those forces upon you are not you.
Is there a solution?
There is no instant solution. There is a moment to moment solution. I discovered it some 15-20 years ago. I submitted it to Landmark as a proposal to include it in their curriculum, but they pooh poohed it. It was above my pay grade to have brilliant suggestions accepted…
That is when I started to sense that Landmark is about Landmark, and not about what they say they are about… making a difference, transformation: happy horse shit.
Anyway, as you can see, I have a grievance with Landmark… lol. Still hurts. I am still resisting…
So, the moment to moment method:
As yourself if what you are weighed down by (when you feel weighed down) is any of these: having to, needing to, wanting to, or should.
This method or process says nothing about what you’ll do after you let go. You probably will do all the things those “commandments” tell you to do, but from a freedom place.
When you let go of fighting the ropes that pull you in a direction, you can just go with them, and feel fine, maybe even good.
You should test it out. Hook a rope around your wrist or ankle. Tie the other end to a fixed object, or ask someone to hold it and pull it.
Test out: if you resist the rope, fight against the pull of the rope, the rope goes taut, it hurts you, and the rope doesn’t care. Now go “with it”. See, feel the difference. The rope goes limp.
If you ever want to get untied
If you ever want to get untied, and from certain obligations, you may want to… the first step is to stop resisting, the second step is to go close to that which you want to “ditch”, maybe even embrace it. Then, and only then, will the rope slip off of your body and lets you go in a different direction.
Most of us feel we are being dragged through life, against our will. But it is our doing, mostly. Resistance creates the illusion that it’s being done to us.
The strongest resistance we feel around the “black hole” of our doom. It’s not a real black hole, but it feels really real.
In fact, it’s possible that all the have to’s come from that black hole. I’ll spend some time looking at that.
The black hole, or our doom, is a future that we invented. It is our probably, almost certain future, it feels inevitable and therefore it has to be resisted, needs to be fought.
Is it inevitable? It doesn’t matter. Because the resistance makes it happen before its time.
The resistance anchors you to that black hole, to that doom, and then life is about flailing, fighting the seemingly inevitable. History, wars, animosities are a great “macro” expressions of that.
Now, I could tell you to embrace it, but my hunch is not one of you will be able to.
I have been teaching “embracing what you fear the most” for 19 years now, and so far not one person has been able to actually do it.
Instead, I have invented a method with which I can remove the anchor to it. Now, the pull of the black hole is still going to be there.
There is no way I can disappear the black hole, or your doom. You have established it, and it has been real, for you. But I can cut the chain. I can cut the rope. I can raise the anchor.
But I cannot remove the black hole itself, just like I cannot remove a belief. I can only remove your ties to it. The “therefore”.
After I remove the anchor
You will want to choose to be mindful of it yourself. That way you can walk away from it. Swim away from it. No force, no resistance. You can live a full life barely feeling its effect on yourself. Just like the way you don’t resist gravity. You live with it. You don’t ignore it. You are mindful of it.
And if being mindful is too much to ask of you: you can do the mini-process I described above, frequently enough so you can swim away again and again.
The asking yourself: is there a having to, needing to, wanting to or should present? And if you find any, let it go or the resistance.
All having to, needing to, wanting to or should is an invented rope.
Unwillingness is the root cause
And as I have said before, the bottom-most attitude of a human, any human, is unwillingness.
Maybe that’s why humans have risen above all the other animals. Maybe that was the spark.
The capacity that takes you to the next level of human
To go to the next evolutionary level of human, to go to the level of human being, you need to master your resistance.
As long as it’s a knee jerk reaction, you are doomed. I mean it.
After I remove your attachments, including your “anchor to doom” attachment, it will be easier. But still, it is YOU who has to do the work of freeing yourself from the slavery by letting go of resistance.
Now, without cutting the “anchor to doom”, your life will still be about the doom that you resist. Guaranteed.
Get your attachments removed to get your doom removed
But, unfortunately, I can’t just find and remove that… if you have more than that as attachment, I have to remove them all. It is a lot of work, and it is expensive. I need to use my own body to do it on. It is slowly killing me.
I am not blaming you, if I were you I would want to get rid of it, no matter the cost.
And I pulled my own two days ago. Amazing. The freedom. The liberty. The sense of vacation… lol.
I want that for you too.