What do you have to lose?
I asked myself: do I get enough enjoyment out of life to make it worth to live?
The answer was yes. I am still curious of how certain people will turn out. How certain things will pan out. I still enjoy my tea in the morning. Yes.
The next question I asked: If I had to live with this unbearable itching? 1 And the answer was NO.
Two things happened, surprisingly out of that: a new direction for the mites... muscle test is definitely yes, and another thing: I realized that:
I have something to lose other than my life
I've read it somewhere, that when you have something to lose, life loses its taste, life becomes about protecting that thing that you could lose. Whoa, that sounds bad, but about right...
An ancient story says that one master and his disciple were moving from one village to another village. But they started late because people were trying to persuade them to stay a little longer in their village. Starting late, the master was continuously looking into his bag. That he had never done before. And the disciple was behind - he was also thinking, "What is the matter? Why does he go on looking into the bag, and then close it?"
And again and again he said, "We should go faster, we have to reach the other village before sunset."
The disciple simply could not believe it, because there had been many nights when they stayed in the wildest parts of the forest where there were all kinds of dangers.and the master had never bothered. They had slept soundly under the trees, knowing perfectly well there was danger all around. But what had happened today? He wanted to reach to the other village before sunset. There was danger - what kind of danger?
Then they stopped at a well, and the master had to wash his face and do his evening prayer before the sun set, so he was in a hurry. He gave the bag to the disciple and told him, "Keep it carefully." That too was strange. He had given the bag to him many times, but he had never said, "Keep it carefully." Of course he had always kept it carefully.
So when the master started drawing the water from the well, the disciple looked in the bag. And then he knew what the problem was: he was carrying a golden brick, a complete brick of pure gold. He knew now what the danger was. So while the master was praying - and he was praying quickly, and fast - the disciple threw that golden brick at the side of the well into the forest and took a stone of the same weight and put it in the bag.
The master quickly finished his prayer and immediately took the bag.felt the weight. The sun was setting and it was getting dark. Feeling the weight, and touching the bag, he was perfectly satisfied. They started moving and the master said, "We have to run. We have to reach the village anyway, we cannot stay in the forest in the night. It is dangerous."
After two miles of running, both were tired, huffing, puffing.. Finally, the master said, "It seems we are on the wrong track because there seems to be no village ahead. Far away we can see - not even a single light. And the danger is there."
The disciple said, "Don't be worried, I have thrown the danger near that well."
He said, "What!!" He looked, he took out the stone, and he said, "You threw that brick gold off? I told you to keep it carefully!"
And the disciple said, "I have kept it carefully! For two miles you have also been keeping the stone carefully. Not knowing that it was a stone, you were worried. Now can we stay overnight?"
He said, "Now there is no problem! You really threw away the whole danger."
They slept very well in the night..
If you don't know, you can carry a stone as if it is gold. And you can carry gold as if it is nothing if you don't know.
This is what I saw when I looked at death and dying and my choice about it: I saw that looking good, respectability is still something I carry as if it were gold. It makes me hurry at times, it makes me afraid at times, it makes me do things I should not be doing at times.
I still think that respectability matters... but as long as it does, it fights for your life... against Life... it competes with integrity, authenticity... it is a killer of life.
I had never seen that before. I had never known what I am handing my life over to... as if it were nothing of value.
What are you protecting? What's in the bag?
A friend of mine is protecting something... it prevents him from doing reasonable, doable things to replace his income in his main job. He is only willing to engage in far out money making schemes, like day trading... What is he protecting? Any suggestions? I don't have words for it... But maybe you do... Please comment below.