This is a great catch. Even though I am an empath, I don’t always identify the beingness of a person accurately, astutely, because the feeling is alien or unknown to me. I don’t experience numb outside of a dentist’s office…
Starting with Christianity that “blazed new vistas to misery by saying that even your thoughts are sins… culminating in “positive thinking” and “law of attraction” bulls-it, humanity is now in a perpetual state of numbness, where even feeling a bad feeling, thinking a bad thought is BAD.
So, what do you do with something that is there but you don’t want to know about? You suppress it. Or you try to fix it. Or you try to overpower it with “positive” emotions and “positive” thoughts.
Result:reduced intellect, numbness, stupidity, deadness, illness, a meaningless life not worth living.
I was about three years old, and I had reason to be angry. But then my newborn sister died, and I put two and two together: I killed her and it was my anger that killed her.
Children’s logic. Very powerful.
I used everything I could put my hands on to not feel.
At a certain point I took 10 valiums a day. 5 mg each? You can kill a cow with that much valium. I still could not sleep.
When I am angry today, it is a fresh crop… not some old suppressed anger trying to find a release.
The reason it took so long, because anger is terrifying. It is like sitting on a volcano: once it erupts, you know you can’t control it. So I let a little bit out of the bag, so to say, and dealt with it.
And that is the way of releasing every bad feeling from its prison of suppression.
You want to feel everything, and know that no feeling is bad, it is just what it is.
When a feeling is allowed to be, it passes fast… Emotions, when I watch them, never stagnate without suppression, they move. The move through and then they are gone.
You need to toughen up, grow some balls. If you are a sissy, chuck it. It didn’t protect you and it made you miserable… so become a ballsy person who can deal with their own emotions.
I remember a turning point in my life when I decided that I am more than a match to life… I have brains… haha.
And the biggest price that you pay by this partial suppression idea, is that you have to suppress everything. Love, enjoyment, freedom, tenderness, compassion, caring, because “If you suppress half of reality, you need to suppress all of it…”, really.
I used to have no capacity to feel fun. Or love. Or anything nice. I wolfed down my food, for the most part. But as I released anger and hate, I have regained my capacity to feel everything. 1
Life will give you lots of opportunities to not want to feel… what you say to those opportunities will decide the quality of your life, and the effectiveness of your actions towards success.
You say yes, and you are dead. You say no, you say: no, I want to feel it… and your life opens up like a flower.