Emotional Intelligence: When you suppress half of reality, you need to suppress all of it…

emotional intelligenceI spent two hours on technical support this morning. My emails are not delivered… and that is a big problem in a business…

The lovely support person, Claire, was knowledgeable, but here anxiety was so strong, I got dizzy from it.

Even though I don’t know her from Adam, I took it on myself to coach her… I felt that she was anxious because it takes time to do what she does, and she had to make me wait here and there.

That stressed her out… I assured her that I had no problem waiting, that she was fine, that she was competent, and she didn’t need to hurry.

She calmed down, and I could breathe again.

emotional intelligenceEmotional Intelligence. I encouraged her to call me any time… after all I can’t expect someone to be able to do it for themselves… without any training.

This is an unfortunate nature of reality…

Here is another example. One of the participants in my programs shared that until I asked him to experience his distaste, he’d felt numb for two months.

This is a great catch. Even though I am an empath, I don’t always identify the beingness of a person accurately, astutely, because the feeling is alien or unknown to me. I don’t experience numb outside of a dentist’s office…

But truth be told, half of all people who ask for their vibrational reading, feel numb. They hold their breath lest they feel something they don’t want to feel.

different facial expressions

Starting with Christianity that “blazed new vistas to misery by saying that even your thoughts are sins… culminating in “positive thinking” and “law of attraction” bullsh*t, humanity is now in a perpetual state of numbness, where even feeling a bad feeling, thinking a bad thought is considered BAD and need to be suppressed.

So, what do you do with something that is there but you don’t want to know about? You suppress it. Or you try to fix it. Or you try to overpower it with ‘positive’ emotions and ‘positive’ thoughts.

Result: reduced intellect, numbness, stupidity, deadness, illness, a meaningless life not worth living.

I remember suppressing my anger from an early age.

I was about three years old, and I had reason to be angry. But then my newborn sister died, and I put two and two together: I killed her and it was my anger that killed her. Children’s logic. Very powerful.

I used everything I could put my hands on to not feel.

At a certain point I took 10 Valiums a day. 5 mg each? You can kill a cow with that much Valium. I still could not sleep.

When I was in Israel I found a book that taught people how to release anger. It took me many years to allow it to be released, but I have released it.

When I am angry today, it is a fresh crop… not some old suppressed anger trying to find a release.

The reason it took so long, because anger is terrifying. It is like sitting on a volcano: once it erupts, you know you can’t control it. So I let a little bit out of the bag, so to say, and dealt with it.

And that is the way of releasing every bad feeling from its prison of suppression.

You want to feel everything, and know that no feeling is bad, it is just what it is.

Everything you allow to be will allow you to be. Everything you don’t allow to be… won’t allow you to be.

When a feeling is allowed to be, it passes fast… Emotions, when I watch them, never stagnate without suppression, they move. They move through and then they are gone.

You need to toughen up, grow some balls. If you are a sissy, stop being one. It hasn’t protect you and it has made you miserable… so become a ballsy person who can deal with their own emotions.

Some of my students have a habit of attacking, arguing, protecting themselves from what anyone says about them… that is a sign that they haven’t reached emotional maturity: they cannot tolerate an unpleasant emotion, cannot tolerate failure, cannot tolerate making mistakes and be told. They are sissies, and unless they change, no amount of my training, my energies, will make a difference for them.

Life is full of disappointments, thwarted intentions, mistakes… that is how life is… if you have a ‘short fuse’, if you get upset all the time, your emotional intelligence is very low, and you need to learn how to take the blows that are unavoidable.

I remember a turning point in my life when I decided that I was MORE than a match to life… I had brains… haha. It is all in a day’s work.

And another ‘slogan’: Bring it on…

The biggest price that you pay by this partial suppression idea, is that you have to suppress everything. Love, enjoyment, freedom, tenderness, compassion, caring, because ‘If you suppress half of reality, you need to suppress all of it…’, really.

I used to have no capacity to feel fun. Or love. Or anything nice. I wolfed down my food, for the most part. But as I released my anger and my hate, I regained my capacity to feel everything.

Life will give you lots of opportunities to not want to feel… what you say to those opportunities will decide the quality of your life, and the effectiveness of your actions towards success.

You say yes, let me suppress and you are dead. You say ‘no, I want to feel it…’ and your life opens up like a flower.

The richer your emotional world the richer your life

Given that all emotions are generated by words, your vocabulary, your ability to identify emotions is going to be one key to your emotional intelligence.

The second key will be to control what you have the power to control.

Once the emotion is in full bloom, it is not controllable, or not really. You, on the other hand, can completely and totally control the words… but not with suppression. But recognition. Recognizing that words have power to swipe you away, to take you over, to put you in an emotional state. Your words, other people’s words… all words.

You need to learn how to neutralize the words.

I remember when my brother first watched a movie on television and got bent out of shape… hysterically crying. The new words: ‘It is just a story’ calmed him, effectively, down…

This sentence doesn’t work on everything, so you need to get some training to construct sentences that will work on your dominant emotions… You want to be in control both pleasant and unpleasant emotions.

I students who time and time again get all hitched by emotions that take them out of life, and put them into dreaming mode. In dreaming mode you don’t participate in life: you are merely dreaming.

If they could learn to get out of that state fast by catching the words that put them there, they would ‘god forbid’ lol, become productive in life… and have a chance to achieve what they dream about.

On being a sissy

I, myself, am a recovering sissy. Once a sissy–always a sissy… once an alcoholic–always an alcoholic.

I train myself by reading thrillers. I still shut down my kindle when I get to a place where something unbearable for me will happen, but I don’t quit reading the book, I strengthen myself, and then I return to the book.

My TLB, Twitchy Little Bastard score is growing slowly, but it is 70 now. It started as yours… at 1.

The students of mine who can’t take the heat… probably read romance novels, nice-nice… so their tolerance for bad feelings will never grow.

Life, the life that matters, plays out in the hot kitchen. If you stay out of the heat, you live a life not worth living… learn to handle the heat…

I am working on a new Emotional Intelligence course… I will only accept people who have done the ITCH workshops. Why? Because without those you don’t really know what is going on underneath your conscious awareness.


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And unless you deal with the invisible and often hard to detect unconscious, below the conscious words, the little voice, you will not raise your emotional intelligence… Guaranteed.

Does anyone else teaches this? The answer is ‘no’. As far as I know, I am the only person who teaches the invisible… probably because I needed to be a true empath to discover them. There is only one true empath on the planet at any one time. Why? I have no idea… being an empath is ordinary, but being a true empath takes 30 plus years of training. It is as much a skill as it is an ability. No money in it, not very marketable… so no other person has gone that route.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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