Keeping your word, especially the word that you gave to yourself is a big issue… This article is digging deep for the causes and the solutions.
Keeping your word has two elements: the word you give… and the behavior that follows.
The self-consciousness I talk about this other article makes you make promises that are not possible for you to keep. Either the promise is too vague, or you have no business to promise what you are promising.
I’ll attend to this aspect of no integrity in another article… For now I am going to write about the behavior that follows the word.
At the present time in history, half of all people talks then pretend to be too weak, the other half pretend to be good… with no need to promise.
You are either a sniveling excuse for a human, a windbag, or a self-deluding effect of circumstances who claim they always get the short end of the stick in life.
I have been removing or threaten to remove people from my coaching programs, left and right, for inactivity. If they don’t have at least one written coaching conversation with me a week, they are put on the “to be removed” list. Why? Because if they are not doing the work they shouldn’t be in the program. My integrity depends on their integrity… Them running a weakness racket makes ME a racketeer.
If they are not coming for the coaching… then I have a good idea how their life looks… because…
How you do anything is how you do everything.
This was probably one of the most shocking things I learned in self-development, right up there with “you think you see everything, but you only see what you have already seen”.
Both insights were upsetting, and started to break up the world-view, the mythical, magical world view, that “I can do anything I put my mind to.”
I realized that everything means, for me, maybe, 1% of all the things…
Some of us seem to have no ability to sustain any activity without an outside have to, need to, or want to.
I, for example, cannot be trusted as far as eating goes. There seems to be no correlation between my conscious decisions, my word and my behavior. I may be able to sustain a desirable behavior for a day, a week, a few weeks… but often I notice no connection between my word and my behavior.
Others may have the same or a different area, where they cannot seem to sustain a behavior.
You signing up to programs that have homework, assignments, doing things on your own, seems to be an area where this disability is most noticeable to me.
The lack of capacity to keep your word causes you untold suffering, and often causes this weakness to grow.
“Imagination creates the dream. Mental toughness creates the money” says Steve Siebold…
Mental toughness is a capacity that allows winners to stay in the game, take the steps that make no sense in the moment, the steps that are hard, or draining, or time-consuming, or menial, or inglorious, or unsuccessful.
But even with mental toughness, if the “dream” only lives in your mind, it will also die in your mind…
As a preemie, I was born in a hospital that didn’t have incubators. I was also born to a mother who didn’t want me. I was born with weaknesses, and I don’t think I have ever truly overcome them
Which means: I need to eat in a certain way that is neither very enjoyable, nor very socially compatible with how others eat.
I tend to forget the reason for the many limitations… and when I forget, the limitation doesn’t make sense… and I start doing the things that make me sick, although other people can live forever with the same behavior.
If I were my client, my food list would be written down in a format that I can take to the grocery store… but of course a shoe maker walks barefoot…
But, seriously, anything that isn’t PRESENT, doesn’t appear when you need to remember it, will never happen.
Of course, you’ll think “I’ll remember it” but you won’t.
What is missing is the ability to be with “not yet”.
OK, I am going to make that shopping list… and get myself on the hook. Promising gets you on the hook.
Only people who are willing to be on the hook have a meaningful life. And the rest: they live a meaningless life… no meaning, no joy. No meaning: no accomplishment. No meaning: no success.