What is the difference between the leader and a manager?
What is the difference between leading your life and managing your life?
What is the difference between working in your business and working ON your business?
The answer to all of these question is: the position from where the actions come.
By position I actually MEAN an almost physical position: where are you looking FROM when you make your decisions about what to do.
A lot of my students are stuck in a situation an earlier decision got them into. A bad marriage, bad health, bed relationship, bad job.
There are surprisingly few principles for a human being, which is the next evolutionary level after human. Applying the same principles, honoring them, will also take you to the new evolutionary level.
One of the principles is to make decisions from the whole.
Seeing the whole has three requirements:
You can't see the whole if you are in the middle of it. You also can't see the whole if you are on the same level of it... like you can't see an army's move unless you look from an elevation. You can't really see what's going on in a sports game unless you are on an elevated stand. The higher you are, the more you see the whole picture.
And you'll only see some of what's going on if your attitude is one of the binary states: win/lose, dominate/avoid domination, right/wrong, true/false, like/not like, good/bad.
The perfect position is standing in the Observer, outside of the hubbub of the self-serving parts that make you: ego, soul, body, emotions, mind.
None of those parts can see the whole picture, because all come from some concern: looking good, survival, doing the soul's work at all cost, avoid fear, being right, being safe, etc.
The Observer can see wide, and it can see high and low... but... when you raise your vibration, its eye-level is higher, so its decisions will be more astute.
If you experience yourself torn, if you experience yourself on a roller coaster, going back and forth between opposing emotions, you are entangled and your decisions will be made by the dominant parts of the "team" that make you up, ego, soul, mind, etc.
If you are in a reactive mode: you are inside... entangled.
Unless you are observing the same emotions, the same thoughts, the same urges... observing, you barely have any choice, and your choices will get you into tight spaces...
Here is a conversation I had with one of my students: Hang in there, you need to read the whole to understand, because it is subtle... not as obvious as you expect life to be...
Observe, read it again after my answer, it will teach you something invaluable:
In art class last Friday, the objects to sketch were tougher. Before was single object like vase or teapot. This time fruits and sunflowers. I didn't even know where to begin at first. The teacher said it's the same. Start with the basic shape of the objects not worry on the details yet. They can come later. I was trying to get each petal right and detailed from the first draft. Reflecting on that, it hit me that for the most part of my life, I want to have things (or expect from others) right, perfect, exact, from the get go. That's part of defying gravity right? The superhero. Demanding magic. Perfection. All the time.
I'm slowly grasping that ultimate perfection is not required. I think I've been doing this at office (workaholic) but actually it's in every part of my life. I don't start sometimes if i think I'm not gonna get it right. Maybe that's why I procrastinate so much.
Just like the sketching, I need to start first. Basic. Build upon each experience (not compartmentalized everything and start new and fresh only)
Do. Take action. As best as I can. Stop needing it to be perfect. And complete. Not straight away at least.
...it may be a desire for perfection, but there is an element that eludes you:
Here it goes, unless the big picture is correct, the detail doesn't matter.
I have written articles about that (here is an old one: https://www.yourvibration.com/getunstuck/130/the-wall-the-ladder-and-your-lifes-purpose-how-do-you-get-guidance-from-the-soul)
I accidentally learned that in a drawing class. I am an architect by training, so I had 5 years of those... mandatory.
The teacher said: you need to go between squinting and looking. When you squint, you see the whole picture, but no details. You see the position of things, the proportion of things. If that is correct, the rest is much like coloring book...
This teaching has caused my life to be successful from that point on. I spend a lot of time in squinting mode, making sure that the direction, the purpose, the proportions, the items are correct.
The details then can be worked out afterwards.
Too many people decorate their totally off-track lives...
There is perfection in the whole, and there is perfection in the details. You've been missing the whole.
Including your marriage.
Keep on throwing balls back and forth: seeing the big picture is not an easy task, and you'll need a lot of help. So do it with me, after all, that is what you are paying for.
Now, what does this interaction teach: a. that the distinctions you use are not what is going on. That as long as you get your information from mainstream, you will ALWAYS be wrong. ALWAYS.
And you will try to fix what you think is wrong, and you will be off.
The remedy for that is this: When things are not working there is something you don't KNOW.
That should stop you right in your track... and say... WFT? Because you definitely live in the world as if there were nothing that you don't know. Am I right about that?
It's like you are trying to cook with what you have... limited options, limited results.
The reason to be in coaching, because a good coach has distinctions that you are missing, that a good coach can see what it is that you don't know in the "When things are not working there is something you don't know."
Like the student in the example.
As long as you insist that you know what's going on, you are stuck, and you are on your way down.
Like the student advising me on depression...
Please give me feedback if I made any sense in this article.
Don't forget, this is one of the very few principles of higher vibration. If you miss this one, you'll NEVER raise your vibration.
I am willing to write articles, answer questions, analyze situations, if that is what it takes to get you unstuck.