Spiritual practice: Recognizing yourself in another, considering the other a mirror

mirror-effectThis is probably the most politically incorrect post I have ever written... I could not find a picture to illustrate it on the whole world wide web.

Why is it politically incorrect? Because the current Dark Side suggestion is that you are perfect the way you are, and your job is to forgive yourself any faults, if you even have any, and keep looking to the outside where other people are worse than you.... Dark Side suggestions are designed to keep you miserable and powerless till you die... 1

But the picture and quote I found is true, even if no one understands it. Oh well...

The other day I watched this British comedian mock Robert Pattinson's acting. I don't know the actor he was talking about, but I recognized myself having, somewhat the same relationship with some gurus that, in my view, don't deserve the adulation and the millions of dollars they make, while I "should".

It was humbling to look at myself through a different filter... Very humbling.

A student of mine writes (forgive the broken English):

I see a lot of ugliness in people around me... I have a gossipy nature, I want to find out more about other people.

I see my relatives are all moochers feeling very entitled. Their hidden agenda is to get some benefits or money off of you. Some use sweet talk and blood relations to get close. Some don't pretend, they feel that they are entitled to receive goodies and it is never enough. I was very angry when I found out my aunt has been secretively keeping money to herself from my mom's account. I don't like how she is being so secretive, stingy and always wants to get benefits from my mom.

People are practical and money driven.

I show my distaste when I see females who are vain and dress just to impress. I know I am afraid to unleash my femininity.

My answer to her:

I am in the middle of writing an article on yet another article on a spiritual practice: "consider other people a mirror."

If you see ugly AND it bothers you, then you are seeing yourself... just somebody beat you to the goodies you seek.

I know it will take some time to be willing to see it, but until you can – without much of an emotional response – see greed, manipulation, being entitled, wanting something for nothing, it is envy is speaking: they get away with something you don't think you can get away, they have the courage to be bad that you don't have the courage to do.

As long as you have an emotional response, you are not better than them.

I have to confront this every day: I am still not better in some areas, similar to yours... and I am gaining ground, and become a better person, but it takes telling the truth and the truth stings, the truth hurts. I should know.

I know you can do it. I also know you are willing. But this is the hardest thing you've ever done.

Let me know how it's going.

Much love, by the way.

What is the basis of this mirror effect?

You cannot see anything you can't see in yourself... this is so true, that it is even true: you cannot feel anything you don't have a name for.

You have to feel it first, and then you can look for what it's called. But you can't imagine a feeling you haven't had.

Just like you cannot imagine a future that is not some variation of the past.

This is how the human mind works... and unless you are clear about it, everyone can dupe you, take you to the cleaners.

Even an empath is only worth as much as many feelings and emotions they have experienced. And those are the feelings and emotions and attitudes they can recognize, identify, and help you with.

All the goddam' gurus that talk about enlightenment, and consciousness recognizing itself, and other things, is just talk. Given their vibrational frequency I am sure, I am certain, that they are just hot air, they had never experienced what they are talking about.

Even my favorite, Osho, is a bullshit artist... sigh...

So, if this is so, how do you get to the next level in anything?

Great question.

You get to the next level unconsciously sometimes, but because you have no word, because you have no recognition, no reference point, you can't sustain it.

But that is the path.

Good spiritual exercises take you to the next level. If at that point someone who is at that level or above it can be asked, they will give you words... Words make something conscious and yours...

The correct words. Words that mean what you mean.

So, what are you supposed to do now?

You are best to always poke at the box, your box, and seek new areas, new experiences, new actions that alternately scare you or excite you.

Then ask me... I am here, and there is probably only a few things I cannot authentically identify for you...

Having gone through hell and more hell, and then heaven and higher heaven, with my eyes open, I am uniquely qualified to assist you.

But you need to take the actions.

It is impossible to start with word and follow with experience. Experience first, words second.

Action first, words second.

The spiritual practices give you good, constructive actions that take you to break new ground.

Footnotes

  1. I teach you to be powerful, not to fancy yourself powerful, while you are lying to yourself. It was very clear in yesterday's talk to me session... watch the replay

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

4 thoughts on “Spiritual practice: Recognizing yourself in another, considering the other a mirror”

  1. Sophie, so if we have any emotional disturbance when we see something in someone or something someone does then that means its the issue we have and need to face it? Accept it and be truthful about it?

    If people steel, lie, cheat and we are not disturbed then we’ve dealt with it and let people be who they are?

    One of the things that bothers me is when i see mothers instead of nursing their babies give them toxic formula and feed them baby food like pureed apple sauces and baby yogurts that are full of sugar.

    I nursed my kids for a long time and gave them mashed chicken livers with mashed cooked veggies and bone stocks. Now they are bigger and I am not as picky with their meals. So this is what I see that maybe because I still sneak in junk food in my kids diet like ice cream and cookies and it bothers me because I know I shouldn’t be buying it or baking it?

    Basically my kids diet and my diet is not where i want it to be and that’s why other kids and people’s diet bothers me. Is that how i should be looking at it? Thank you

  2. Really great question, Amy. Maybe the best you have ever asked.

    OK, this is how it is: the behavior and the attitude that is under the actions that you don’t like, or maybe the results … but not the literal action.

    So, you need to look at your own Dark Side, i.e. Shadow.

    The parent that feeds junk to their baby

    1. doesn’t know
    2. doesn’t care
    3. only thinks about what is important to them
    4. near-sighted… can’t see the big picture

    You need to find what about it that you hate most.
    My hunch, because I know you, is that you hate most that the mothers in your example do thinks because of their own needs, not because of the needs of the babies, or the needs of the future adults.

    I.e. they don’t really care, and YOU don’t really care… you care about being superior, being right, being the smart one, etc. but the kid’s real interest? You can only pretend to care.

    I know it hurts, but please know that caring is the very last capacity that activates, probably not under a vibration of 900. I still remember when things stopped being about me…

  3. Yes that’s what it is. That is what bothers me that they don’t care and I know that I am just like them, only pretend to care. I dont know how to care. I have a desire, i would like to…. I’ve been facing it the last few weeks, it hurts and brings tears but it is true I dont know how to care. Is it possible to care with lower vibration since reaching 900 is not anywhere near in sight and might never happen?

    The few steps I’ve done in the past few months is to forget friends, clients, others…. and instead spend time with kids by doing things together. I saw that my rules create control and force so I started to let them make their own rules and let them make their own decisions and its been working so well because it creates no force and no control they are the boss.

    Our relationship definitely became different, more at ease. Still far to go for me since there are lots of things i dont see and don’t know.

    Another big thing: we read your articles and do exercises together.

    Like recently we read your article about Genghis Khan from July and there you give 13 things B. Franklin practiced so we started doing that, one thing for seven days.

    Its been fun doing it together almost like a game.

    All these might not be part of caring but for me its been a big step to back off from forcing, controlling, helping, choosing their steps…..

    One thing I’ve been seeing since we moved here among these people i began to see myself acting more superior, knowing more, better…

    Its like one part of me says who cares what they do, how they live, how religious they are and the other part wants to judge them. Ugly. Why would i care?

  4. Sorry, real caring isn’t available, but there is a way to get close to caring: bring out the agendas to the open, tell the truth about them, own them… say everything that is about you… and then you can produce similar results as if you cared… you’ll also feel good about yourself.

    What is it about religious people that bothers you? Find the common ugly, and come back and share.

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