Falling in step
I just finished a Talk-to-me call. It's a call available for people on my mailing list, where they can ask any questions and get answers, coaching, whatever they need. The call was a breakthrough in a lot of ways.
First off, I distinguished for myself, for the second time, that unless I fall in step with the person I coach, they can't get what I am saying as contribution and cannot act on it.
Falling in step with music is obviously fun. Falling in step with a drum circle is fun. But falling in step with another person is a challenge. But unless you do, discord is the result.
So what does it take to fall in step with another person in a conversation? Whether it is a co-worker, a parent, a child, a spouse, a friend, if you learn to fall in step with them, you'll experience influence, intimacy, closeness... all the things that are missing in most relationships.
Watch for the resistance in the jaws, in the hands...
The falling in step happens on many different levels: leave out one level, and you didn't fall in step.
- Level one: you need to match the modality where the intelligence of the other person is... auditory, visual, intellectual... When you do, it feels like sex... good sex. You become one... you fell in step on this level.
- Level two: you need to have com-passion... you need to feel with the person you talk to. To what's important to them, from the inside.A lot of teachers teach this step, but they never tell you that if and when you do it from the outslide, it is manipulation. It's like sex with a dildo... or more like being used as a dildo... you are not required to be present, to feel anything, to want it... just be there.What's up with these analogies... I apologize, I just cannot think of any human activity that would express what I intend to express. I guess I could use dancing, but most people dance without touching nowadays, so it won't work... unless you know Salsa, or other South American dances, you won't benefit from the analogy.
- Level three: get in there... don't just opinionate from the sides, like a kibbitz... Feel with them, feel it.
Another word for falling in step would be "align" but I don't think anyone knows what it means, maybe even including myself.
Falling in step, as an expression, is very physical. And maybe even visual and auditory... but definitely not intellectual...
I can muscle test intelligence, but as it turns out, my muscle test tests the intellectual capacity...
Most people are weak on intellectual capacity, while think they are very smart. I have quite a few students like that.
When you think you are intellectually capable, and it is an illusion, they you are going to be lazy and always disappointed.
You put your best foot forward in life if you lead with your strength, and if it is not your intellect, then you are leading with an illusory strength... and you'll never win.
My most lasting and dramatic results in coaching came from this one distinction.
When someone is capable of getting that their intellect is weak, when they can get that there are ways they are a lot more intelligent, with my help they can redesign how they go about getting satisfaction in life.
Either way you have to work for your successes, but when you lead with what you are naturally good at, your work will bring success, whereas if you lead with your weakest faculty, intellect, you are doomed to fail, or struggle.
And yet, the unsuccessful students either can't get it, don't get it, unwilling to get it... and they continue to struggle.
The successful students make the transition to their strength and life opens up for them like an oyster. Really exciting.
Sometimes you need to make decisions that are not easy to make. Should you retire, should you stay in your marriage, should you stay in your current city?
Is another city, another job, another person, another profession a good match for you?
Should you do it now, should you do it later?
Is this the right opportunity?
Questions like this decide the rest of your life, and making a good decision is difficult. Intellect doesn't help. Thinking about it doesn't help. Asking for advice from peers, or even coaches doesn't promise a good result: if you don't know, how could they? What do they know that you don't?
Because nothing is inherent in good or bad... it is always about the match... between you and the thing. And that is an energetic question...
So I have been doing muscle testing to help guide people who need the answers. It's very interesting to me, and it is very useful for a person who needs to make a tough decision.
If I don't know the person at all, I won't do it. The previous article says why: there are things that I can't feel... and muscle test can only come from what is knowable.
I often try to muscle test things and then realize that I need to ask the question first: Do you know the answer?
Often the answer is NO. Muscle test doesn't know the answer.
If you can't connect to someone, every single question about them will be b.s.
If you can't connect to something, ditto... bullshit galore.
So the more I know about you the more accurate the answers will be.
For a limited time you can book muscle testing sessions with me for half price. The sessions come in 15-minute increments, and there is no overtime...
If you are interested, email me, and some of the questions you have, so I get a feel of who you are, what you are about. Include your date of birth as well.
I'll send you a payment link.