As you have seen, if you have been with me for more than a week, you would know that I knock the idea of beliefs being important to your success in life. And after reading Roy Williams article, I am also going to start knocking the notion that the why is what’s important.
What am I talking about? What is the why, and why should it matter to you?
Here is what is being taught in the entrepreneur field today: If your why is big enough, you’ll do what you need to do, to succeed.
Entrepreneurs, strictly speaking, are problem solvers for others. But you need to be a problem solver in your own life… don’t you? Health, money, family… full of problems to solve. Big and small… So what applies to entrepreneurs also applies to you. So keep reading…
‘They’ encourage you to design your business, your communications from your why. Why are you doing what you are doing? What do you want to get out of it? Money? Fame? Love? Power?
Who gives a flying f…ck? Other than you, of course?
OK, your why is what you want. I get it. You want what you want. It is important, but it is damaging to you to stop there. Your why comes from greed, and it makes you incoherent, greedy, unforgiving, cruel, or giving up.
Your beliefs about what you can have will influence your actions if you stay there, and for the most part, you are screwed.
It is not the belief that is the problem, it is the ‘therefore’ of the belief. The conclusion.
If I acted consistent with my belief’s therefore, it would be like this: ‘I am stupid, therefore I should only do things that stupid people can do. or… I am stupid and therefore I am going to fail, because I am not smart enough… so I won’t even start, or quit at the first difficulty. Instead I pulled my ‘therefore’, not the belief, and today I have an invented therefore… I am stupid, therefore I will look twice, to make sure I saw what I think I saw… Maybe even three times, four times. I am stupid therefore I will make sure I understand what there is to understand.
When you buy something, the seller is talking to your why. Why YOU should get that junk you are intending to buy, what it will do for you.
T. Harv Eker tells you what you want to hear, how you want to hear it. Why? Because he is a salesman. His why is to sell as much as he can. And who do you need to be to sell as much as you can? A superior salesman, speaking to what the buyer wants. So he is… and he is true to himself every minute of every day.
Other gurus do the same thing, if they ever want to succeed. They sell you what you want, idea, benefit, experience…
Do they deliver? Almost never. But that is a conversation for another day.
The big picture
When I help people craft the big picture, the context inside which they can love their lives, so that
- they can create what they want
- they can feel good about themselves
We may start out from what they want for themselves, their loved ones, their world, and maybe the world, but then I go at least one step further:
I ask the question: who you do you need to be to make that happen? The same way that T. Harv Eker needs to be a salesman to make HIS dream happen, you need to look who YOU need to be.
Who you already are is insufficient for what you want to accomplish.
Who you already are is largely your soul correction: afraid, lone ranger, superior, envious, judgmental, liar, cowardly, lazy, etc.
Who you are now is Your soul correction
You won’t have to fix anything: inside who you need to be, the negative behavior, the unproductive ways of being will melt away, like butter in a warm pan. And just like butter, its energy will become a part of who you are, but not the behavior. So you see it is not fixed, it is ‘transfigured’ which means the energy is there but it is used to give your new being energy and not against you.
When you go BEYOND your why, the limiting belief of what you can have is disengaged, neutralized.
People may want to know how I can disengage my belief that I am stupid. Because stupid people, obviously, can only have so much… so I should be worried and try to get smarter! No? Well… if I stay with the why, then yes. But I don’t try.
I stayed with Landmark Education through all its phases, est training, etc. because of a slogan that has since been long forgotten by the company that Landmark is today.
I quit really ten years before I actually quit. Their ‘who I am’ became: World class company, here to stay… but it is all about them all about fitting into some mold, and nothing about what is available to their clients… So, obviously they have become a dime-a-dozen company that is all about themselves and what’s in it for them.
Interesting reading… if you have time
A world that works for everyone, with no one left out.
If you look at that statement as a why, you hear whining. You hear the complaint that people are left out. A typical left-wing whining. You also may hear that they want to change the world… so it can work for everyone… Communism, anyone? But it’s so disempowering only if you hear it as a why… as a goal… as an unattainable future.
You can hear it as a personal commitment… and that is incredibly empowering.
Being left out: when the world isn’t working for you
I considered myself left out for a long time. It looked like the world worked for others, but it wasn’t working for me. I was unhappy. I wasn’t liked. I wasn’t well. I wasn’t enjoying my work. My life was a mess. My affairs were a mess. I felt left out. There was an inside and there was an outside… and I definitely was outside… in the ‘cold’…
Landmark didn’t stay true to its original word… It became an exclusionary company, only talking to select people who made the cut. Who were well already. Who were successful already.
What I got was that I was that I was left out. That was my ‘who I am that I am’.
Not by others, not by the world, I was left out by me. I was an odd bird. I was different and took pride in it, even though it separated me. It didn’t matter what anyone said about me, I was committed to be left out. Left out in the cold. Left out of the team. Left out of joy. I made sure it was everywhere. I was the same through and through: left out.
Responsibility makes you look at yourself. Your attitude, your actions, your speaking, but more important than anything makes you look at ‘who are you being?’
When I saw that I was being , that who I was that I was was ‘I am left out…’ I got a glimpse of the hidden, I got a glimpse that allowed me to alter everything.
It took me seven years to go from that to a truly invented ‘who I am’, to formulate it to perfection, but I managed to turn my own reality upside down: ‘Who I am is living on the edge, generating distinctions of transformation for humankind.’
Instead of being left out, I am the one who goes ahead, scouting, taking on all the unknown, so the ‘people’, the ‘world’ can get the glimpse without having to risk themselves.
In some way, it became:
the world is left out… I am in the world that works.
Yesterday I had a private session with a client (not a student yet). I have started again to have private sessions, and they have been enjoyable.
I have been practicing falling in step with people, and although it is quite a challenge for me, I am enjoying seeing myself morphing into someone who can.
I am contemplating extending the original ‘who I am’ statement ‘Who I am is living on the edge, generating distinctions of transformation for humankind.’ with something to the effect that the distinctions I come back to share with people, humankind, actually communicate, actually make a difference, in my lifetime. That they make the world work for people… Doing that without making my happiness outcome dependent…
Until you are clear who you are, you only have your why’s and your life is all about you
Until you know who you are, you only have your why’s, your yearnings, your hopes, your wishes, your wants, your dreams, your shadow side, but not a good life.
The problem with your why’s is that
- if it is big enough, your life is about getting there, so it is about lack, every step of the way.
- if why is not big enough, your life is in a rut.
But your being begins when you declare ‘who you are’.
You don’t have to wait for it to become a reality, some day one day. You don’t have to work for it, yearn for it. The moment you declare who you are, it it is so…
But… that pesky integrity! aaaah.
This is the key to having the world work for you, but if you have been pretentious, wanting to be well thought of, then you don’t have a grip on the deep aspects of being.
People who pretend live on the surface of things, on the appearance of things.
People say: I am loving… but that is a way to behave, it has nothing to do with being. You don’t love, because for your love is a feeling, not a being.
People say: I am caring… and it is a bunch of charity, commiserating, helping… but caring is not there as a beingness.
It takes courage to be someone, without apology, without explanation, without justification, stand tall and proud, being who you said you’d be.
If you are someone who pretends, you are cowardly, you have no backbone, you are weak, you have no Self… and I can feel it
And yet, your work towards becoming a human being instead of a human thinking, human believing, human pretending, human trying, human your first step is to craft a being statement, a declaration that you can uphold, fail at, but start developing your ‘core muscles’ of Self. It doesn’t have to be the ‘right’ who I am. It is to practice… like in wax on/wax off…
Just like with actual muscles, you need to go deep and engage the muscles you didn’t even know you had. Ordinary workouts do not strengthen your core muscles: in ordinary living all the work is done by the muscles that you know.
But unless you have strong core muscles you are flimsy, fragile, everything beats you down. People who do physical work for a living, are actually weak and fragile. Why? Because they use the muscles they need to do the work, and don’t do special exercises to strengthen their core muscles…
If Life doesn’t work for you, the world doesn’t work for you, if you are left out: it is because you have no Self.
For all my life I thought that I was alone in being left out. Everyone was on the inside, and poor me, unaccepted unloved me on the outside.
But being left out is an experience, it is not reality. And I can see now, that we are all left out. Everyone feels left out! No exception. Millionaire or pauper, in some area of life you are left out!
You compare yourself with others, you compare yourself with what you see other people have. But other people don’t have it better than you, they may just hide their misery well.
You feel left out because you are out of step with Life. Not with others, no, with Life. With All-of-it.
But you can’t connect to All-of-it without having a strong Self, without knowing who you are.
What I teach, the Tangerine Method of connecting to Source, works, but you can only stay connected for a moment, and then you are dragged back to your wimpy self, thinking, doubting, pretending, trying, hoping, yearning, and left out.
You use the Harmonizer, and it helps you feel your crappy little self and you can feel your Real Self… but if you do no work to take on your Real Self (the Who I am) and become that full time, the Harmonizer won’t do the work that only you can do.
Your job is to start declaring who you are, a beingness, and start growing some muscles around it. Any beingness will do. When it’s time to change to different, bigger WHO, you’ll know.
Here are a few examples for temporary WHO, temporary ‘who I am’ for the purposes of developing some core muscles:
- A student of mine accepted my suggestion to take on ‘I am a joyful juggler’. It is not a goal, it is a beingness where she needs to go deep into becoming that.
- Another student of mine accepted my suggestion to be take on ‘I am a rope dancer’ but she thought that meant practicing it a few minutes a day. She never went deep into it, and never sucked the marrow out of it. At least I don’t know if she did… she remained on the surface, pretending.
- A third student took on a beingness that has completely altered her life. I don’t know the words, but I am watching and I am certain that now all her life is organized around a beingness of a discoverer, an experiencer, a pioneer, a pathfinder. And there is joy there, to the degree that she has integrity: being true to her Self. And there are results that would not be there had she remained with her beliefs about herself and her life…
I do this work normally on 1-on-1 calls. I can do it in email coaching, but because it is writing back and forth, it may take weeks… But you pay only $15 a week. Email me if you need some help and want to book a session, or need help to decide how to go about this.
If enough people apply, I’ll do a whole course from it…
In my humble but education opinion, this is the most important thing you can do to improve your life…
Without this you are like a reaction machine, live out of ‘therefore’…
One area where you have been living out of the therefore is your feelings. You may feel them, but instantly you try to fix them… and every instance of that makes life get worse…
In today’s ‘meditative’ experience of your feelings we’ll talk about this therefore behavior that robs you of guidance, and keeps you up in arms… also very low TLB.
The session if free…
at 10 am and at 6 pm today… New York time.
Get a peek into your feelings