I wasn't assigned because I was so good. Looking back I was green. I didn't have the vision. I didn't have the big picture. I didn't have even the small picture.
Then a new person came to manage the department, and he sent me back to be a draftsperson to prove myself from the ground up.
As any self-respecting arrogant person would, I said that I didn't have to prove anything... and I quit.
It was arguably the worst thing I could do for my career as an architect, and it created irreparable damage inwardly too... I damaged the trust between me and me, I damaged the trust between the ego and me. I now had quitting as an option... and it set me on a path of floating unhappy leaf... damaged goods, for a few years.
Truth be told, I had escape-strategies in the past as well... I can just see them for what they were now; I could get sick when the going got tough. And I did have a history of getting sick, a mile long. 1
No one likes to prove their mettle, their worthiness, no one.
We all fear judgment, when we should fear being unexamined, having an unexamined life.
Proving, by its nature, comes with examination, seeing with some accuracy where you are. With that you can forge a path that can take you where you want to go.
But when you don't know where you are, you'll build pies in the sky. Or alternatively, if you don't know that you are good, you'll do nothing.
The other benefit of being measured, having to prove yourself, is that you establish a trust between you and you, a trust between you and your ego.
Your ego is the stabilizing part of your team. It will do whatever it can to make you stay the same. But there is a problem: growing involves change. Change of mindset, change of habits, change of perspective. All potentials for danger...
How do I know it? As an empath, I can feel it.
The ego, geographically, sits on your chest. Its shape is a triangle sitting on its side, the point is at your throat.
When I attempt to download an activator that promises change, the ego decided if it will allow it through or not.
There is no sense in pushing it through: the ego needs to be able to see that it can trust you to be well with the change.
No one can do it for you. You need to challenge yourself... in my own language: "put yourself in harm's way." I don't mean harm literally, I mean harm in harm to the status quo: you need to be measured and pass... i.e. you need to get a lot of wins in different challenges.
If you don't challenge yourself, your ego will never know that you could if you tried.
You are a could have, should have type of person... staying in the tiny box. Your ego will prevent you from growing. No exceptions.
When I say small wins, I mean small wins. Every time you do what you said you would do, even though it's a challenge, it is a win. Every time you put more power in an action that you usually do, just because it's what I suggested you do: it is a win.
So, how do you start?
My suggestion is that you start by canceling every and all promises and commitments you currently have, whether the promise is to yourself or to another.
Here is a controversial example: you are married. you promised, in the marriage vows, to love and cherish, till death do you part. It's a promise you made. It is a yoke on you... Tell your spouse: I take my promise to love you and cherish you. I haven't consistently loved you and cherished you anyway. Every time we argued: I didn't love you and cherished you... But I am not going anywhere. I will love you and cherish you like before, but without the obligation. I feel that it will be more often than before. No promises.
Or you have been promising yourself to drop that extra weight, but you have been unwilling to stop eating M&M by the case... so you are full of crap. Tell yourself: OK, f... it. I am going to weigh whatever I weigh. I do have a preference for a slimmer body, if not for any other reason: it would be easier to move. But I take my promise back. I promise nothing. If I do what it takes, it will be not because I promised... I am free, and unburdened.
Much like the "binders" say: I am unbound like a fox, free... or something like that.
When all those "cords" are severed by you, then you can pick your challenges, and win win win.
Or be measured to be trusted or not trusted by the ego, by your bigger self.
Now, observing myself, I can see that the pull is to NOT do the canceling, instead trying to obey the promises...
Don't go there, you'll fail. Dead end. The same thing that failed you before will fail you again.
Instead do the canceling. The more promises you cancel the more energy you'll gain to cancel more.
Start with the easy ones, the promises you made to yourself.
I have mostly one type of promises: I buy software or a program because it has great promise, and then I don't use the software, don't do the work in the program.
The idea of uninstalling a software that could make money for me gives me the creeps. The more canceling an outstanding promise gives you the creeps the more energy you'll gain canceling it.
My stomach hurts just contemplating it.
Am I the kind of person who measures herself with the number of promises, or the kind of person who measures herself with the number of wins, and the energy available to win big?
That is the question.
Do you have energy to grow?
PS: A lot of you have attachments. But even those that have no attachment that I can remove, have these cords attaching the lies and the promises to you, and make it impossible to move forward. I cannot remove those cords.
What I CAN do is support you in doing the unpleasant and difficult, emotionally difficult work of revoking your promises and disappearing the lies.
The structure for that is the Reclaim program. There you have your own area where you have your conversations with me, in writing.
It is so important, that I am making it part of the new course, the Second Phase Activators, where I actually alter your DNA, your ancestors' DNA so your siblings, your parents, your children will also have the capacities activated.
I will choose the participants of the new course from those that are in the Reclaim program. No exceptions. Not in the program? No course. Not doing the work in the program? No course.
You'll have to prove your mettle before I unleash the power of the Second Phase Activators on you.
The Reclaim is a $10 a week program. If you can't afford that, you surely can't afford the Second Phase Activators.
You'll need to be accepted to the Reclaim... apply first and we shall see.
PPS: I should have called this article: "Reclaim your energy, reclaim your life from the lies" Do you think a lot of people would have read it?
PPPS: the next article will take this a step further, where you can reclaim your power from the affirmations, the fake it till you make it pretenses... so you can actually move and grow and live and enjoy... how is that for a plan?
PPPPS: and hopefully today I'll publish my newest discovery explaining why you have not been doing your spiritual work, whey you have not been willing to do homework, exercises, and why you haven't grown. And it will come with the announcement of an activator, a brand new one, I never thought of making part of Second Phase, because I didn't realize it was missing: the activation of the capacity of seeing the consequences of your actions. Muscle test shows only 30% of the US population has it activated, and none of my students. None in Africa, none in India... no Native American Indian...
I never thought the capacity was missing... it came out in my Sunday conversation... and shocked the breath out of me.
I tested the activator, and it seems to be working... results will show...
And if this didn't make sense, I'll write a whole article about it.
- The fact that I could not see this before is stunning. In 1987 I wasn't accepted to do a Landmark program because I could not see it, and therefore I could not be trusted by Landmark to stay in the hard program, and to stay well, i.e. not get sick. I could not see my history as a series of choices I made... even though I was looking at it every day... And, interestingly, even until today, until I attempted to teach it, I could not see it. So what allowed me to see it today? The answer to that will surprise you. Yesterday, in the Talk-to-me webinar I told the truth about something that I had been lying about for 30 years. Publicly.
What happened yesterday scared the bejesus out of me: suddenly, having told the inconvenient truth (that I could see freedom as a result of an exercise), I saw freedom for the first time in my life. I teared up... By the way, the persistent lies you tell others and yourself can be considered "promises", or cords that keep you the same, tie up your energy, and prevent you from being able to grow. Public lies have to be set straight publicly... I know, I know, it's a bitch.