- The first step is noticing that something is off... Something is hooking you. Something is waking you up at night. Something is rolling about in your head.
- The second step is inquiry. Looking. Pondering. Seeing. Telling the truth. Distinguishing.
Nearly no one does this second step or not fully. No wonder there are so many people who inherited activated capacities but live as if they didn't have them.
Inquiry, looking, pondering is painful.
The job is to see what way you are blocking the light, what way you have given residence to evil in your being.
My inquiry... not pretty
Let me share my inquiry from this morning: Beware, it won't be pretty. What I am doing is called "public authenticity". I lay out my dirty laundry so I can clean it. You hide your dirty laundry, so you never have a chance to clean it.
I have discovered that I don't mind, have no ethical or oral problem with using unfair practices in some areas of business. Like cheating. Getting commission for referral I gained in an unfair way. Things like that...
I got an email saying so...
So I started to look if I have this (double standard?) in more than one way, more than one area.
I looked at relationships, where most people have the most dirty laundry, where I had found and cleaned up some laundry before.
I saw that unless you have a relationship where 'no agenda' is missing, where you want to be with the person for wanting to be with the person, and nothing else, you have dirty laundry: desire for the self alone.
I call desire for the self alone sometimes dirty laundry, sometimes ugly... sometimes evil.
I found that I have no integrity in some relationships outside of my family and this business, that you are part of.
I have some hidden stuff in many other relationships, some hidden hope for illicit gain, in the future, or if not that, then some fear, some hate.
I am sure that if you have the courage to look at the hidden agendas of your relationships, you'll find that you have no one, probably literally no one with whom you spend time with to spend time with them.
The pain is caused by the resistance to being found out. All pain is caused by resistance, by the way. Even physical pain.
I have had to deal with this issue all my life... wanting more than I let others see... I started early this whole inquiry process, as early as in my school years. Some friends also helped with brutal honesty.
Authenticity, having nothing in the unsaid, is not a capacity, it's a behavior. The capacities that underlie, I guess, are courage, trust in oneself, trust in life, and the willingness to kill the desire for the self alone. When you do, as I just did: the breath comes back.
When I visit with you, I almost always find you holding your breath. It is a sign of not being willing to kill the desire for the self alone. Not being willing to be found out. Being more interested in the cheating, lying, stealing, than breathing, being well, doing the work, and ultimately earn what you want.
The more capacities you have activated, the more freeing your inquiries will be. Just the inquiry may force one of your activated but not active capacities to function.
This little inquiry into my dirty laundry in this area has caused a capacity to become available and start working for me. The capacity of killing desire for the self alone... very useful.
Desire for the self alone is a nasty killer: it is dressed into nice clothes... but it ultimately kills you, not just life.
PS: If you are on my mailing list, you can have three of those capacities activated for you for free in the coming weekend, on a webinar.
I'll check you for attachments, so you don't disrupt the webinar. I'll let you know if there is a problem.
If you are not on my mailing list, you can change that... Go to https://www.yourvibration.com/subscribers and register. That puts you on my mailing list. I send one or two emails a week. The moment you unsubscribe, I remove you from that site too...
PS: I am going to test the third method of activating capacities: collaging. I want to test making collages, one of each capacity. the capacity I am working on now is "killing the desire for the self alone"... the moment I am saying it, there is a sadness and a longing there... wanting more goodies... lol. It's tricky. It's so young, I think it takes me right back to childhood, when everyone else seemed to get attention but me... every sandwich's main complaint. That is when I decided that I can only get what I want with cheating, lying, shocking people, and misbehaving. Ugh... ugly.