Is responsibility a capacity? If it isn’t, it should be… but it isn’t.
Responsibility, the behavior, has lots of other capacities that need to be lit up for it to work.
I am observing an unfolding dramatic story: a storm in a teacup.
I don’t have a car. I have a woman, who has become a friend eventually, drive me on Tuesdays to do my errands, chiropractor, grocery shopping.
She has family in California, and will spend Thanksgiving with them. Next Tuesday she won’t be around.
I need to find another way to get fresh cream for my tea…
She decides that she can help.
I need to take pictures of the kind of cream I like. text it to her. She emails me, and the whole thing becomes a 2-3 hour long to-do, while I don’t have more than five minutes to do anything, between running from my office, the back of the house, to the front, to my cell phone, that doesn’t make a peep (thank you Sprint!) and back, and in the meantime she is doing whatever she is doing, completely oblivious that she has caused, with her do-gooding, more trouble than it is worth… to me.
Now, what is going on, on the capacities level, that is worth mentioning, so you can learn from it.
Well, easiest to see: I don’t have the capacity to just let it go and wait until she figures out whatever she needs to figure out. It is her project, but I can’t be with that… she is doing it for me… Hm. Unwillingness to receive? Yeah. What is the capacity that is not turned on or not working, so I am like this?
Between the giver and the receiver, the giver is getting the biggest gift: their gift is accepted… when it is.
But the resistance to that is enormous. This is not personal to me.
Who has the power, at least that is how it feels, when you get a gift or a contribution? The giver, of course… and that, if you have been harmed, especially rape issues, is scary as hell.
My urge to invalidate her contribution to me is stronger than anything… And although I have generosity, as a capacity, turned on, I don’t have a lot of practice in living it… So it is time to practice.
Now, let’s look at her: is her behavior coming from power, or is it coming from resistance?
I am willing to accept that it is, but I have my doubts… so let us see.
My hunch is that she is unwilling to take responsibility for the fact that she is not available when she is not available. That she would choose to be with her grandson instead of taking me grocery shopping.
It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?
But you all have something similar… the amount of guilt, shame, apologizing I get from you… dead giveaway.
So what would be a powerful way to be? She saying: “I’ll be away next Tuesday. Find another way to do your stuff… Happy Thanksgiving…” that’s it.
But, of course, her soul correction is “Speak your mind”… i.e. straight talk, powerful talk, and it’s missing.
So what is the capacity, or what are the capacities that if I turned them on, she would have an easier time to be responsible with no excuses.
One is courage. Another one is trust. Trusting the other… me, in this case. And, of course, the sight… and humility.
As you can tell, maybe, every soul correction needs the sight, humility, and courage. That is why I am giving it away for free.
And most everybody needs appreciation… and that’s why I’ll give that away free too… starting next week.
PS: Did I activate the missing capacities? No. She is not a client, and she never asked to be one.
PPS: This is what happened… 99% of it.
Now, here comes the case study: please answer in email or in the comments section. If you email, I’ll know that you are courage deficient.
- If you were me, would you have published this story, if it happened to you, and it would have a chance to teach others and yourself something nothing else can teach? yes/no and why if yes, why if no.
- Was I nasty in this article? yes/no, and why if yes, why if no.
- Should my friend be offended? yes/no, and why if yes, why if no.
You can publish your comment anonymously so no one will know whose opinion it is. I promise to learn from your responses, and will consider your contribution, i.e. practice generosity of heart… sigh. Probably the hardest for a Virgo/Forget Thyself person… But I promise.