Some of you were abused as a child.
Now, strictly speaking, there is no such thing as abuse in reality. Abuse is a particular interpretation of something that happened. If I asked a visiting Martian what happened, he would say things like one person hit the other, or one person yelled at another, or one person tied up another, pushed them down, maybe even put one part of their anatomy into the other... but not abuse.
Abuse never happened... or it happened only if you said so... for you. In your mouth. In your interpretation.
Some things don't exist outside of language... they don't exist in reality. Abuse is just one of these. One other "thing" that doesn't exist in reality is lack... In reality only things that are there exist.
New age gurus talk about the importance of the words you use. Of course, either because you are dumb or they are dumb, this gets generalized.
Let me tell you something about language: for tens of thousands of years, language was evolving to express in words what was seen, heard, done in reality.
Then came the 20th century, and the age of interpretation. The age of drama. With it misery began.
I've had plenty of Irish clients who were spanked. None of them called it abuse...
Until you are willing to strip down what you say about the past to the truth, to what actually happened, you can never move forward, you can never grow, you cannot evolve.
Another element of the lies, or untruth we speak is meaning.
There is no inherent meaning in any action, it is all made up. We make it up and then it makes us miserable. Makes the other guilty or us guilty, or stupid, or ugly, or smart, whatever untruth you made up about what happened.
Feelings, emotions, thoughts happen, you can measure them. But their content is not necessarily true.
I can think: I am stupid... The fact that I thought that is true. The content... well, for one, the content is an interpretation of a fact. What fact? It is immaterial. A fact.
Now, you may be too stuck in your own interpretations to even hear me. To even want to get yourself free so you can fly.
It was a process for me. I still retell my story with some interpretations and meanings I made up... so I am not completely done... but almost.
Now, you may know that one of the quotes I use as guidance, by Thoreau: "Don't look backwards unless you want to go that way"... but it is also true that you cannot move forward unless you go backwards... with a clear intent to facilitate you going forward. Like driving in snow. You have to first drive backwards to be able to move against the snow in front of the wheels.
In the Playground, a group sharing program I ran for some time, the whole job was this: stripping down the events of our lives to facts... so we can move forward.
Some succeeded, some didn't. About 40%-60%.
- The ones that succeeded are thriving now.
- The ones that didn't: they haven't moved at all. My hunch is that they never got the distinction that interpretation and meaning belongs to the speaker, not to reality.
It takes mental capacities to see that. Mental capacities that are based in DNA.
What capacity? As I am muscle testing, I am seeing that it is not one capacity, but more.
- Courage to rewrite the story is one capacity.
- The willingness to see the consequences of your action, The Sight, is another capacity. Capacity that you need to look with... Looking at the people who didn't move... they have the capacity, I turned it on myself. But they are not looking through it. So there must be at least one other capacity missing.
- The willingness to start from scratch, the willingness to be wrong... Without that capacity they will be stuck forever.
Only 5% of humanity has it... I guess the successful people who can start all over again, have it in spades.
I don't have a name for it yet... start from scratch is what I am going to call it for now.
The issue is so universal, that even popular TV series bring it up, like Bones.
Dr. Brennan says in one episode: "The challenge is to not try to make it (the past) go away. The fighting is the problem. We fight to try and change the past or push it away. but the pain is part of who we are.."
Of course, Dr. Brennan cannot be smarter than the writers of the show... who never got that it's all in the language. It's all what you said and keep on saying.
The meanings and the interpretations... The surest way to feel anger, hatred, misery, alienation, and all the bad stuff you feel in your life.
Congratulations: you earned it. Now earn peace, and joy, and growth... if you are ready.
To have capacities activated, turned on, please pay through this link... And don't forget to say what you want to accomplish with it. Often you want a behavior... not a capacity... So I'll dig deep for the capacity that makes that behavior possible for you.