Behavioral strategies vs. beingness strategies

dying to be lovedWe all want to be loved. It’s hardwired, because being loved is the surest way to be fed, as a child, get sex as an adult, be promoted or helped as an adult.

Its purpose is survival.

The organism wants to survive, desperately.

We don’t know what that love is, but we want it. And some of us want to earn it.

I just followed a link that introduced me to Chris Farley, a fat comedian, who died… because he could not live without that love. 1

So love is a tricky one, because millions loved and adored Chris Farley, but he didn’t feel it. He kept on trying and trying and trying… and he kept on putting more and more heroin into his veins, until it was too much.

Some of us know that it has nothing to do with us, whether we are loved or not. Some of us know that there is no chance for love between humans… not even between a mother and a child. Unfortunately or fortunately, you keep on deluding yourself, you keep on pretending.

The capacity to come to terms with the human condition would be useful, but scarcely if any humans have that capacity turned on in their DNA. Instead they keep on pretending, keep on trying to earn love, or pretend to give love… hoping it is reciprocated.

The truth is, that on the level of consciousness, on the level of evolution humans are currently, love is impossible.

Love’s vibration level, love’s consciousness level is above 500, and at present only two people are there… the number changes daily, because people drop like dead flies…

I, myself, hoped to be loved till I was about 30, then I came to grips with the fact that it wasn’t going to happen.

What clued me in is that I could feel the beingness and I could see the behavior in the same glance, and I could see that other than in movies or in books, love was always a pretense, an in order to.

In order to get something. Sex, food, shelter, companionship. Support. Money. Gifts.

In order to… a social move, a behavioral strategy to get something.

DexterI have been watching season one of the TV show Dexter on Netflix.

Dexter lives a double life. During the day he works for the police department. At night he kills serial killers. He can’t help it: he has to.

His adoptive father trained him from early childhood to channel his desire to kill in this direction: no emotional killings, no pleasure killings… only bringing justice killing, was the commandment.

Dexter knows he is empty inside, or alternatively he feels darkness inside.

He learned behavioral strategies to fit in so he can work, so he can have some companionship. He learned it well… he has a girl friend, he plays with kids, he smiles a lot.

But the beingness is not there.

If you take away the plot: he is a killer, he is like you. Covering up the emptiness, desperately want to belong to humanity.

With one exception, and that is a big one, he is just like you.

while all pretend to be connected, Dexter doesn'tThe exception: he has more capacities activated than you. He can be self-aware, he can be empathic, he can see where his actions are leading, so he can choose, he has the discipline to follow guidance, and the creativity to make it work in many circumstances.

He has rarely emotions: emotions that you equate with yourself… you have a lot of emotions, therefore you must be not empty.

Or thoughts: I have a lot of thoughts, therefore I must be not empty.

If you had his capacities (he has 12 capacities active in his DNA, about 5-7 more than other people around him, or you.) you would be able to watch your emotions and watch your thoughts and not be sucked in. You would be able to come to terms with the fact that you are empty… and you can choose what to do with your life.

Capacities, DNA capacities enable the consciousness levels of being, instead of behavioral strategies, i.e. pretense.

Being present, being self-aware, being aware of the dynamic of another person (empathy), etc. are all ways of being, that allow for seeing, without thinking.

Being disciplined is a being capacity, as opposed to trying to be disciplined, thinking it a good strategy, picking and choosing the time when to be disciplined… no beingness there.

You may be surprised, you may be upset, you may be appalled that I am comparing your to a psychopath, and the psychopath comes out on top.

Dexter is closer to human being than you are.

Why? He opened up his capacities as they became needed: to go from an out of control angry psychopath to a disciplined being who can channel the energy he can’t stop, but can channel.

What is the lesson for you here?

connecting to another humanHe didn’t go to some therapist, or to me… anticipating some need… he was in the thick of it, wanting to kill, wanting to rush, wanting to do things that would have him killed.

There is no capacity that will stay on if you got it because you are proactive. Unless there is an urgent and daily need for it: it will die off.

The people I mentioned in yesterday’s article, who had issues in communication: it was a moment to moment need, and they needed the capacities in every conversation they had. The capacities stayed alive, alive and well.

I don’t have enough data, but the question is: will the capacities die if the circumstances change, and there won’t be any need for them?

I really don’t know. The minuscule data I see says: yes.

One participant asked for a bunch of capacities to be activated, because the business he started while working for the corporate world needed them. He needed them. Desperately.

Over the holidays he changed his mind, and gave up on the business he started.

Except for two of the new capacities, all new capacities shut down. He isn’t needing them for what he is doing.

Two of them, both communication capacities, stayed on. His new job needs them. Daily. Hourly. So they stayed on.

I have seen that if I advertised what I do as a solution to some problem, the people who apply for it have the problem.

For example: problem: you feel unacknowledged, unappreciated, your brilliance isn’t recognized. You are pushing your ideas, your solutions, you force others to listen to you, you talk over others. But it all seems to buy you no appreciation.

Solution: a handful of new capacities.

Probing question: how often do you find yourself in this predicament?

Unless the answer is: all the time at work, or in all my conversations with my family members… my solution will not have a chance to solve your problem.

Why? Because you can take it or leave it… No desperation.

PS: I just read a philosophical article about Dexter and why we love him. It is good, although the writer is not an empath, and thus misjudges emotional content of the character and others, including himself. And yet, it’s a good article. Read it if you can

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  1. Chris Farley is the fat guy

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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