In this article I share a breakthrough method that will allow you to do the things you haven’t been able to do, so you can get to where you want to get to. In any area of your life… Not by changing what you think, what you believe, but by embracing it.
I mentioned in another article that I have had a real hard time throwing stuff away, whether it is on the computer, or in my space.
I paid attention to the emotions that rose to screaming level when I actually did throw something away. Given those strong emotions, no wonder that I am a pack-rat.
But if that were the whole truth, that you are supposed to stay the way you are, then I could take in my shingle, and retire… there would be nothing to do.
Because most things that you do come from the same place my fear came.
From the ego.
Ego is the stabilizing part of you. The part of you that insists that you stay the same, because that way ego knows you have survived.
Ego is only interested in survival. It is not interested in you being happy, winning, loving, considerate, generous, calm and collected… its only job is to keep you the same.
Depressing, if you ask me. And it has been depressing all my life. And it should be depressing for you too…
Except, I saw something today that changes the whole dynamic, and suddenly, unexpectedly sets you free, if you can follow my instructions.
Don’t be mistaken, it will take growing some new capacities, but it will be worth it.
Ok, this is what I saw:
So if you survived to this day by being superior, ego will do what it needs to do to keep you being superior.
If you survived to this day by being a flake, by being a flunky, be being undecisive, by being frugal, by being wasteful, by being fat, by being poor… ego will do what it needs to do to keep you staying that way.
What I saw this morning is that ego is not as much interested in what you do, as long as you do it as that kind of person.
So how does this work with me being a pack-rat?
These are important questions.
I think, in my case, The beingness is “I can make anything work. I can survive under any circumstances. I am good at starving, I am good an doing without…” a being and attitude that came from how I was treated as a child.
But it was a lie: I still need food, and clothes…
So the attitude even below the prideful, defiant attitude above is that I have nothing, I am vulnerable, and need help, stuff, etc. Simply put: I am poor.
Now, can you imagine maintaining the being, to satisfy ego, and do what I have decided to do, to reduce the amount of stuff to next to nothing?
I have tried. And here is what I saw: I can be poor and clean house. I can be poor and throw away what I am not using.
Now. let’s see another example:
I am guessing, but the person’s attitude is “if it is hard it is not my job…”
Underneath that I find: I am not someone to trust with important things… I am a loser. (or stupid, or unreliable… or something like that.)
If this is the last, deepest layer, then the action is: be a loser and do the job. Be stupid and do the job. Be unreliable and do the job.
And let’s see a third example: arrogant, know it all. What is the attitude/being it hides? I am inferior, I am from the wrong color, from the wrong side of the tracks, therefore mistreated, treated as stupid.
Ego wants you to stay inferior by birth.
So what is there to do is stop fighting that opinion of ego. OK, so what?! Inferior, ok. It doesn’t mean I can’t do everything! And maybe even do well!
And then you take the label: inferior, and do the actions that make you shine, produce, learn, whatever it is that gets you what you want.
I am actually looking at real people as I am writing this.
Looking at the deepest being you are fighting, you are compensating for, is hard. I have had a lot of people I actually liked, leave my programs because they could not face it, and could not accept it.
And could not see that by accepting it, ego gets what ego wants, and you get your freedom.
I sometimes call this accepting embracing… because the word embracing is more expressive, but it is too much for most people.
But one thing is important to get: whatever ego what you to remain was never true, even though you have done your darned best to make it true through making your actions both fight and strengthen that being.
The fear is that if you accept that being, then you’ll get stuck that way.
I first faced this fear some 20 years ago. The being was “stupid”.
I looked at my clients, and most were stupid. And rich. Very rich.
Today I see that I can be “poor” and live comfortably, or maybe even have money to spare.
There is no need to change that fundamental being ego is so protective of. You can drop the “or”, stupid or rich, lazy or diligent, inferior or amazing… and replace it with the word “and”.
Keep the being and change the actions.
All the people who teach self-improvement, self-development, maybe even spirituality, say that you need to change. They call it a belief. But it isn’t. Belief is mind stuff. No. This is a being protected by the ego.
Cannot be changed. But can be embraced so that you can do anything. Anything.
We have more than just one ego-protected beings.
I also have stupid, and unlovable in addition to poor.
Your best bet is to find one and work with it.
Detached means unattached. Detach yourself, create a space between you and the raging ego-emotions.
Detach allows you to see it for what it is, and allow it to keep on raging… while doing the things the being has not allowed before.
Like me throwing away stuff.
If I could not detach, that massive fear would surely convince me that I am doing the wrong stuff…
But when you are detached, you don’t have to listen to that misleading advice. You are free to do what you need to do to get where you’d like to get to.
To be effective at this, you need to pinpoint the beingness. One of the hidden ones that has been failing you in some area.
The what’s missing exercise is perfect for this purpose…
I can do it in a one-on-one call. But you need to sell me on it: why should I want to spend an hour with you? The issue has to be burning, important, and maybe even urgent.