So, today, I decided to honor her. Pay my respects. Connect to her. Allow the animosity between us to be, but not stand in the way.
To my surprise, her whole presence, her internal struggling, her overthinking mind... are all here...
Her energy didn't disappear because she died. Not a nice energy, poor mom, she wasn't a happy person. I am not surprised that she decided at 75 that she had lived long enough.
But let me muse a little bit about the energy that you leave behind.
The most dominant energy, nowadays, is greed.
Greed is the energy of the Black Hole.
The Black Hole is insatiable. It wants everything, but it doesn't get nurtured by anything.
Greed is like a flame... fanned by being in the world, looking at what others have and you don't.
Greed needs to be managed, or it will manage you.
One way you notice greed is that you experience a quickening when you see that you are closer to something you want.
You step faster, you breathe faster, your heartbeat gets faster.
You need to bring self-awareness to it.
Accomplished people don't have greed.
Greed is a replacement for commitment, for seeing the process and following it, for work, for learning.
Greed fails you, greed has your life for lunch.
To you it feels justified: you want something.
Or it feels invigorating: other than the quickening caused by greed, you are dead wood. Door stop. Dead.
Other than the quickening caused by greed, you are dead wood. Door stop. Dead
In my first article in a strip club, that is what I noticed: that people there were dead all week, except the incessant greed of their lower, animal energies demanding attention.
It is addictive... and unless you manage it, it takes over your life.
It feels like it gives you energy, it gives you purpose. But it is a mirage.
All visualization, all affirmations, all positive thinking works to use greed and increase greed.
Because greed is a chemical drug. And you've fallen for it.
So what does it have to do with my mom's birthday?
Your energy is the energy of the Black Hole, and that is what you inherit to your children, and that is what you leave behind when you die.
I said before: no accomplished person is run by greed. Why? Because greed is a stand-in for work. For effort. For learning. For what it takes to become accomplished.
As long as greed is running your life, no matter what you do, it will be a weak for-show pretense. Like flailing.
I have spoken, a few times, about the principle of causing yourself to hit bottom.
As long as greed is running the show, you won't. Why? Because when you hit bottom, you'll need to choose the life you want. And when you've chosen, you need to take actions consistent with it.
Flailing is a pretense... a pretense that you are doing. But pretense means: you are lying.
And that is part of the energy you inherit to your children and to the planet.
And I thought my mother's energy was unpleasant... The stink your pretense makes is unbearable.
I want to get off this planet... pretty please?