As important as a yes… is a no. Actually, you’ll be left with the authentic yes

on-saying-noI own a business... This blog is part of it.

I am on hundreds of marketers' mailing list, and I get hundreds of emails about new software, new tricks and strategies to increase traffic, visibility, and ultimately revenue.

I buy some of them. I use 20% of what I buy.

And then I get the whales. That promise to train me to become a super marketer, a money magnet.

It's that time of the year, there are three such offers going on at the same time.

Tons of stuff. If I put them into boxes... they would fill many.

The allure is tremendous. I can barely breathe...

And then I do the unexpected... I ask a relevant question. I act as my own coach...

I ask: Do I want my life to be about marketing? Do I want to become a marketer?

And that question decides it for me: NO, I don't want my life to be about marketing. I don't want to become a marketer.

The allure continues, but I don't even click... This too shall pass.

It seems that one of the effects the 67 step program is having on me is this: I am saying no to a lot of things that have been hanging there... slowing me down, secretly making me miserable, experiencing life as a lot of lack, as a sum total of some accomplishment and a lot of none of that...

So what is happening is rather extraordinary: with every no, the quality of my life is getting better and better.

WTF? right? Nothing outwardly happened, and yet...

In fact, the only thing is happening is that I am putting dead, old, outdated, expired wishes, dreams and aspirations out of their misery.

And they are all over the place: health, wealth, love, relationship... I am finding the army of wishful thinking, and the army of societal memes, and saying no to them. With all my might.

There is no resignation... no.

For example: I love being alone. I am with a person who loves me, who cooperates with me, and I don't need anything else.

steve-jobs-saying-noSo decades old stuff, that I should get love from another, it seems, remained active... and making me feel that my life is not all it could be. Now I have had a chance to retire that desire... and claim my right to live life my way.

Love, gratitude, joy... they were all suppressed by that outdated desire. And they are mine now.

My hunch is that your desires are both automatic and dictated by the memes of society... mainly to enslave you and to keep you out of balance.

You can tell successful people's history through the things they said "no" to.

You can have everything in you life but not at the same time... says Tai Lopez. No more valuable advice can be found on the internet... seriously.

If you get this sentence, if you internalize it, you'll start to say "no" to a lot of things. After all ice cream and weight loss won't go well together. And neither will holding a grudge and be happy go well together.

The more no you say, committedly, the lighter you become, the more integrity you have, and the happier you'll become.

My recommendation: get left with what belongs to you, what really belongs to you.

What you are willing to pay the price for... even if the price is work... ugh... I hear you.

thinking-no-saying-yesNow, let's talk about that "no" a little bit.

I have a "no" I have now said hundreds of times, and it only survives for a day or two.

Which means: be prepared to say no, until whatever part of you that is resisting gives up, and let's you be happy.

I find that the younger I was when I made up that I should have that, the more persistent it is.

So, for me, the desire to be loved, to be useful are very persistent desires... and in spite of all the no's, they make me miserable a few times a week. Luckily I expect them and then when they show up (if misery shows up) I just say no again to them.

What are the no's that you need to say so finally you can be in action about what is really important to you?

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

3 thoughts on “As important as a yes… is a no. Actually, you’ll be left with the authentic yes”

  1. Hi Sophie, thanks for the article. I’ve been ill with throat infection these past few days, and been doing some reflection of myself during this down time. For me, I think my no’s are the desire to be respected, and the desire to be an extrovert (alpha male, outgoing, charismatic). If I can let go of those desires, and focus on my natural strengths of being an introvert and be myself more, then I think I will have more integrity and authenticity.

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