The two styles of coaching, your chunky life, and what’s missing?


  1. There are two styles of coaching (at least).

    One is like I did for 30+ years, the style I learned as an architecture student and later as an architecture teacher.

    You do equal or maybe more than the client. You are integral part of their final product.

    Depending on their skill and maturity, they will blossom or not.

    One important part of this, as a “growth” coach is much like a surgery: the deep hidden dark dynamic needs to be revealed.

    The second type, and the 67-step coaching is like that: you are there as a spotter, as a guide, but you ask the person coached to do their own surgery.

    coaching-2For a “Forget Thyself” person the first style is much easier. You can think for yourself: look how great I am… because it is all about you, the client is just an excuse to make yourself important.

    It’s been a huge step in the right direction to change my coaching style. I still want to do their work for them, from time to time, but I have been disciplining myself.

    People will do their work, people will dig out the ugly, when they are ready.

    The results are actually a lot better than they used to be. And it is much less work. So I can charge a lot less and work with a lot more people. And never break a sweat.

    Most of what I write here, in my articles, are the stuff I see missing for people to successfully do their own work in the coaching program. That people who are not my clients read it: that is just a “so what”…

  2. I am seeing something that deserves to be talked about: People not being able to see the sameness. The same is missing in seeing distinctions.

    People don’t look at the essence of things, so they can’t recognize the sameness, the same essence in things.

    It shows up everywhere. And results in a life I call “chunky”… The opposite of integrated. Where your learning in one does not effect other areas.

    This is an example of not seeing the sameness: Saying: sugar is bad for you… and drink juices. Juices are sweet. Sweet means sugar… You are sick and stupid…

    The biggest issue I see is being skilled in one area, skilled and having fun and success, while in another area feeling unskilled.

    One of my students loves team sports… but dreads a new job that is introducing her co-workers to a new product.

    I say that the same skill that makes you good at team sports is 90% of the skill that makes you good at rallying a group about a new product. Really.

    I first heard about this in the What color is your parachute. The book has a section, 20-30 pages long, where your job is to dig out and document the skills you have.

    The section comes with a list of transferable/portable skills, skills with things, skills with people, skills with data.

    At the completion of that section’s exercises you can see what skills you have with things, people, and data.

    You are forced to see the sameness… the sameness in different jobs, the sameness in different activities.

    It needs the same skill to introduce people to travel packages, as it took to rally your friends to go to Singapore with you! But she can’t see it… because she isn’t looking for it.

    something-the-lord-madeOne of the most striking example of someone who could see the sameness is in the movie: “Something The Lord Made”. A master carpenter takes a new job in a hospital, where the ability to feel with your kinesthetic capacities makes him a surgeon who saves the “blue babies” that die of oxygen deficiency because of a heart trouble. Moving film. I have watched it again and again. Learned from it.

    Another way people miss sameness is this:

    It is true that there are predominantly starters and predominantly finishers… Kathy Kolbe of the Kolbe test fame calls what makes you one or the other conation.

    I am predominantly a starter. But I can be a finisher. I have proven that with many of the businesses I have made money with.

    But more importantly that being a starter or a finisher: will you do your research and will you plan your actions?

    And I find that most people I deal with, do research and do plan in their job, but not in their lives outside of the job.

    Which means: you are a star at work, and a knucklehead and a bumbling idiot outside of work.

    But you have the skill! And the skill is wholly transferable.

I am bad both in research and planning. Have always been. Good at starting, passable at execution, horrid and resistant in research and planning.

But I can do it! It takes me longer than it could… because I do 50 gritting teeth avoidance to one action in either research or planning. (The secret was pulling my dominant belief’s therefore and my anchor to doom… with those still acting, no planning or research is possible. And even with them pulled… it is still hard, but doable. But it needs to be consciously remembered that your therefore is still what you do most naturally!)

But if I don’t quit, it gets done.

I am in a phase where unless I research and plan, I will be homeless and penniless… This doesn’t do much to make me grit my teeth less time… lol. Very interesting to watch.

If I had a coach who is willing to do half of my work for me… then I’d be done. But coaches like that don’t exist.

I was (tongue in cheek) the last one.

Seeing the sameness is a spiritual capacity, and it is missing nearly for everyone.

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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