What is the easiest method to shift someone’s state of being?
We already know. Children, when they cry because they hurt themselves, can be brought out of crying by directing their attention to something more interesting, more engaging.
We use it in the Soaring Method.
I use it in almost every coaching conversation I have with people who are stuck in some unproductive state of being, like sadness, despair, maybe even resistance.
State of being, mode of being, beingness… all are outside of what you call self-awareness…
Self-awareness on the level of human is all physical and emotional.
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Self-awareness on the level of human being is 90% being aware of your state of being, your mode of being, your beingness.
Why? and why the difference?
Humans are a cross between animal and human being, closer to animal.
Adding the being, awareness of one’s state of being is a big jump. It is an evolutionary jump. One moment it is not there, the other it is.
And I am not talking about the glimpses that disappear… like the fish seeing water when jumps up high and looks down at the water, but it splashes back… gravity.
I am talking about the evolutionary step that is irreversible: you can’t avoid seeing your own state of being, because all you see is that.
At this point I am becoming better at causing the glimpse. I have never caused someone to make the evolutionary leap.
It has to come from you.
But, I assert, that a lot of glimpses will lead to the inner desire to jump… why? because what you see in those glimpses is revolutionary.
You see, your state of being (which can be changed quite easily) is determining what you see, what you do, what you feel. It is the backdrop to the story, like the starry night sky is a romantic backdrop for the man and the woman on the park bench… you now know the story.
The shifting someone’s state of being is one skill. Causing a glimpse is yet another skill. I’d love to give you examples, but examples are not a glimpse, and it won’t look to you any different from the example of a child who stops crying.
I’d love to share, because I am like a proud Mother Goose… but I won’t.
Just know that this is what coaching is about. These two skills.
- Redirecting your attention so you experience a state change.
- Having a conversation that leads you to get a glimpse of how your being defines what you see, what you do, what you fix, and what you leave alone.
You are always in a state of being. It is happenstance, and it is mostly caused by some thought, some meme, some memory.
You are unconscious about your state of being. You can tell you are thinking something… you can tell you are feeling something… but being is invisible to you, like water for the fish.
You may get the concept, but you still can’t see it… don’t see it.
A coach can nudge you out of a state and into another state. But because beingness is invisible to you, until you reach human being in your individual evolution, you need outside tools to change your state.
Your soul correction deals with your being. It seems to you doing, it may even seem to you feeling, but it is all about being.
Doing won’t create being, and suppressing won’t change being either.
So, you may ask, if I have no access to being, how am I going to perform my soul correction?
Excellent question. You won’t. But…
As you work with your character flaw, you will have first glimpses at your being, and then the long overdue evolutionary shift… shifting into human being.
You have to pay the piper. You have to do the work. You have to go through the dark night of the soul.
There are no shortcuts.
If you are not tough, you won’t get through.
You need to get tougher, you need to get more resilient, allow pain and discomfort, and bad thoughts, and bad feelings… Allow.
Surprisingly, being tough is being allowing.
I had three conversations with my father altogether. And I remember one thing he said that I was pondering for some 40-50 years until I was ready to know what he meant.
He said (in Hungarian), and here is my clumsy translation: allow it, you’ll get through it all that easier…. and faster.
My father, with his shortcomings, was ahead of most anyone I know. He pulled through starvation, poverty, being unwanted: a wild child, force labor camp, solitary march through countries with no papers and a big nose.
He overcame having had no degrees, no support, and became the top of his field (designing economic change).
He earned the right to say what he said. And by now, I have earned the right to say.
Allow it, you’ll get through it all that easier… and faster.
So, how do you toughen up?
Not easy to teach… no one really knows.
But Tai Lopez has a great way to go into it, through looking if your action is stoic or Epicurean…
Listen to the audio. It’s almost half an hour, but it’s worth listening to. I did. Every reminder is like a nail in the coffin of sissiness.