- Win friends, and influence people.
- Win an argument
- Win a competition
- Win at cards
- Win a reward, a salary, a compliment
- to look smart, respectable, well-thought-of, generous, holy, spiritual, humble... whatever will make you look, so you can live another day.
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And winning is a survival game. The flip side of winning is losing... or being a loser.
A life of looking good and making it. No room for anything else.
Small person life. Survival. The dog chasing its tail. Never a moment to settle down, never a moment to just be...
Having to, needing to, wanting to, should... no rest for the weary... The alternative in unconfrontable.
So what's the alternative?
Once you settle into yourself, eyes open, nothing rejected, nothing to run from, nothing resisted... you'll be able to start living. Maybe even return to innocence, where you played for playing's sake: that is how you learned life.
Play to expand. Play for mastery. Play to learn something. Experientially.
And by "play" I mean every action in life. Walking, peeing, eating, picking up, or sitting by your computer. Present, alert, alive. A person. Bigger than what's happening out there... bigger than what is pulling your attention, bigger than what is not you. Coming from your power... not like a dry leaf being blown about by every breeze.
When you go to school: if your goal is to get a good grade, or to know the answer, you are setting up the small game or uninteresting, boring life... a life of despair.
When you work... the job of getting things done is too small... set it out to expand from everything you do.
When you are with your family... being accepted, or alternatively being obeyed... Just be. And let be.
Every person has an agenda.
Distinguish your agenda, and let it go. Or if you can't, for whatever reason, then make it an overt agenda: say it out loud. To the people you are dealing with.
I have been doing that and it's given me back to me.
Imagine the mother telling their children: my agenda in this argument is to prove how much better parent I am than your stupid father...
Or at work you'd tell people: my agenda is to prove that I am working, that I care, while I really just want to survive this day.
Or when you come to a call with me: my agenda is to survive this call without finding out anything unpleasant about myself...
You'll hear yourself and you'll laugh.
But when the agenda is hidden, you think you are OK.
You think it's OK to be that way.
It's not OK, and therefore you are not OK. You are not OK with yourself... I don't care what other people say, you don't like yourself.
And a life where you don't like yourself is not worth living.
When you can tell the truth, in the moment, about your agenda, to yourself, your higher self kicks in, and life shifts, subtly on the outside, but dramatically on the inside.
You come to me first to look good, but ultimately you come to me to get help to see the agendas that run you, that ultimately make you hate yourself.
What you can see, what you can articulate, what you can name returns you to power.
Name it and claim it.
I did that with stupidity. I did that with dyslexia. I did that with arrogance. I did that with contempt. I did that with superiority.
Named it and claimed it.
It took time. It's not an instant panacea... you have to keep at it.
But underneath, you'll see, there is a magnificent person, who can.
Keep on name it and claim it. Keep on seeing your agenda, get mortified, and become a human being.