The common thread that can unify your life, the different areas, is who you are.
But if you don't know who you are, then you consider yourself the different roles you play in different circumstances, with different people... and there is no YOU to unify your life.
Life is horrible for a person like that. Disease settles in the space between what is real and what is pretended. The inner tension uses up all the energy that could be used for life, for the immune system to kill the nasties, invaders, viruses, cancer cells, toxins.
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So if you want to live an unfragmented life, a life with joy, silence, and a sense of who you are, your most important and urgent task is to find out who you are.
No, please do not attempt to create yourself... a self built on a swamp will not last... this is the biggest issue people deal with who follow the idea that you don't have a self, you create one.
Maybe. When you have dug up all the nasty and nice and neutral things that you are now.
It is very difficult to find out who you are now... with a straight shooting approach.
The approach that has worked for people who have courage deficiency, is to do the inverse discovery process.
Find out who you are by what you dislike, what you don't want to be, what you don't value.
It may take long, but it's worth doing.
So why not go the direct way?
Because even if you have a thousand words for it, what really determines your life and in essence YOU is what you don't want.
What is left, after you say all the things you don't want, all the characteristics you don't like, don't value, is you.
Now, if you do the things you don't value, or don't like, and be the way you don't want to be... then we'll need to look at you, and tell the truth.
You value the things you do... and all the words you said before are lies.
How do you resolve a conflict like that?
Let's say you are a complainer, but when time comes to action, you don't do them. Or you fall asleep. Or you get suddenly busy... excuses, excuses, excuses.
When there is a disconnect between your words and your action, between the beautiful life you want everyone to see for you, and your real life, then what should we believe?
Then we can conclude that you are profoundly inauthentic, and it is time for you to either "shit" or get off the potty.
Deliver a life consistent with your value, or tell the truth that you are full of crap... and start getting intellectually the fact that you cannot get a life that you don't work towards.
This is what the saying "there is no free lunch" means.
You either be, do, pursue what you said you wanted, or continue being a skin bag: talking a good game, but living a sham.
My work, the work of the Original Design is for people who can and do live by their values.
My experience having done this work: I had to give up a ton of actions, a ton of attitudes, that were not consistent with what my stated values were.
Gossiping, lying, embellishing, bragging, doing sneaky things, unsavory things. Blaming. Waiting. Complaining. Looking innocent.
It wasn't easy in the moment, but life became cleaner and clearer with every behavior dropped. I wasn't fooling anyone, I was only fooling myself.
It was confronting, and I don't think it's going to be any easier to any of you.
It is seeing the discord in a behavior, discord, disharmony between the behavior and the "Self" I wanted to be, everywhere, in every minute of the day.
If you hate it in someone else... then it is something you have, and something you want to get rid of.
How long it'll take?
It is the job of a lifetime.
It could be said that if becoming the best person you can be, then the job is to become your Self.
And the way to become your Self is to drop the not-you, the not-Self behaviors and attitudes.
One by one.
You see, strengthening the Self doesn't work... only the work of the sculptor expresses the work faithfully: it is about dropping, leaving, taking away the not-YOU that will eventually get you to the magnificent YOU that you are trying to make the world believe you already are.
Remember: We are not talking morality here, and we are not looking from the outside, with society's measures! What is a good person? A good person is someone who is completely fulfills on the principles and actuality of its design.
This, for a person, means to be fully themselves. Without any pretense.
You are not very smart? No problem. Be not very smart, honestly and openly.
Cowardly? No problem. Be cowardly, honestly and openly.
Your pretenses come from an ideal you built, how you should be. But you aren't that... so you cannot be at peace, you cannot be yourself... because who you are is not who you want to be.
Your job is to forget who you want to be. Trying to be someone other than you are is playing with castles built in the sky... useless.
Just be who you are, even if it is way below your standards and ideas.
Look at the behavior, look at the state of things. Take a deep breath and say: this is how I am. This is who I am.
The excuse you give yourself, the lie, that you are trying to be who you are not, is just an excuse, a lie.
You are trying to get the goodies that go with the "ideal" person you pretend to be... but either they are not coming, or they are temporary.
Once you can be OK with who you are, warts and all, something magical happens.
You have peace, joy, and a sense of Self.
From that state you can go anywhere. You can grow if you wish. But you don't have to... so you can.
All the having to, needing to, wanting to, and should get better keeps you unhappy, unfulfilled, busy, and stuck.
One way this expresses itself is your profound disgust with yourself.
Feel the fragmentation? The tension between who you are and who you "SHOULD" be?
It's not useful. It is not motivating. It is actually profoundly disempowering... as in "turning off the power" of an equipment.
Now, will you do it? Pull back all the power to yourself, so you can be exactly the way you are? Your Self?
Without wanting to throw up, without excuses, without smoke screen?
We shall see.
But, please, know one thing: you haven't fooled yourself, and you haven't fooled many people.
Catch yourself using any of those four phrases: wanting to, needing to, having to, and should.
Notice that you have NOTHING to say/think if you are not allowed to use those phrases.
Good. Hang out with that silence.
It's like a sieve. A filter. What remains is who you are.
Now be that. Neither the creep you are afraid you are, nor the hero you hope you are.
Just you. Nothing added, nothing taken away.
Be that, honestly, in every area of life.
Do you still hear the silence? Good. That silence is why people pay me the big bucks.
PS: The only spiritual practice that raises your vibration, and can take you all the way is the practice of removing the fragmentation. The practice, to become exactly the way you are and not worry about any of the ways you aren't. No pretense, none at all. Not to yourself and not to others.
Rare, would not you say?
You can be high vibration, no matter how many values you personify, no matter what you have achieved in life, no matter what other people say about you.
Being smarter than you are will not raise your vibration.
Being kinder, gentler, more loving than you really are, doesn't raise your vibration.
Being a high achiever doesn't raise your vibration.
We can say safely that to the degree you are who you are, no shame, no pretense, no hiding... to the same degree you achieved perfection... and the highest possible vibration.
This is counter intuitive, counter society, counter culture.
In society the man with the most toys wins. Inside, the real life of the man, the man who is most fully himself is the one who wins. Wins a life that is joyful.
That doesn't mean one cannot be a high achiever, and that doesn't mean that having toys is bad.
As long as one is achieving being who they are, doing what is consistent with who they are, their vibration is high.
It is different, I think, person by person.
The actions are guided by integrity, the inner compass you won't get until you become yourself.
Integrity is being true to who you are, your values, your principles.
When you are, your actions also are. And as long as you are, your vibration stays high, even though you are working in mud, sludge, or the latrines of politics, commerce, industry...
Or be a doorman. Or a rock star.
Who you are is untouched...
But first you need to get to who you are... And that takes time, effort, and a ton of tears, if I my example is any indication of what happens, or how it happens.
It takes years. And it's worth it.
PPS: Everyone preaches that you should become one with others, one with the Universe... but no one says: you should become one with your self.
All the troubles in the world come form YOU not being ONE with YOURSELF.