If you are one of my students who isn’t getting better… Or not as fast as you hoped you would, you should ask the question: Why you won’t follow a system, why you lie, why you’ll never amount to anything worthwhile?
This article will attempt to point you to some answers…
Our tendency to socialize and spend time with people with our lesser (at least in our not so humble opinion) is so strong, and so “normal”, that I expect you not to recognize it in yourself.
Why? Because the desire to do that does not come from our conscious self, it comes from our “other than conscious” self, the selfish gene.
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The lowest of human behavior is that: wanting to climb and lord over other people.
I meant the word “human” because this is obviously an animal behavior. Your chances for survival and to have the most offspring is what the genes want, and this behavior comes from that.
So from the point of view of survival there is nothing wrong with it… but there is a lot more to it when humans practice this.
I am going to list issues with this desire to dominate… big and small.
- You want to be the most knowledgeable and most respected person in the group. So regardless of who is in the room, you’ll yak yak yak, and won’t listen.
I have students like this: I speak and they think about smart things to answer. Or smart things to ask.
The hallmark of a person who truly listen is that they don’t have a question until they had a chance to digest the material they heard.
If you had a question (this includes people who read, by the way) they you did not listen. Listening is a skill that allows what is being said to be heard.
This is not an auditory function, this is an intellectual and emotional function.
Listening can be compared with eating. Or drinking.
There are the people who eat, chew, swallow and digest. What doesn’t fit, will come out on the other end.
There are people who gobble up, don’t chew, don’t digest. The food made no effect, no nourishment, no growth.
There are people who take a bite and argue about it. And talk about it. What they have to say is more important than what they are eating.
When I do courses, I feel stupid. I am OK with that. I can’t see the full picture, so I just deal with the distaste or joy of what’s going in; I suspend judgment. I KNOW I don’t see the big picture. 1
There is an element of impatience: I am “consuming” the material, I listen or I read, but there is a world of patience in that I don’t think I have to understand it before I have even consumed it.
I take frequent “digestive breaks” when I allow what went it to settle, but I am not forcing anything.
I rarely, if ever, tense up, I rarely, if ever, feel fear. I am never in a hurry, I never force… Instead I allow.
Of course, I am a woman, and my non-listeners are mostly men… Men are more under the influence of the genes… maybe because they can father offspring even at the age of 70-80, while I am 20 years past my childbearing age. The genes in me have given up.
So returning to “being the most knowledgeable in the room”… because of your habit of choosing people who know less than you, and because of your habit of not listening: i.e. taking nothing in, you never learn anything.
You are all smoke, no fire. You fire empties… blanks. There is no substance to you. Skin bag.
- You feel superior to your partner. Whether it is earned superiority or it is only in your head won’t matter.
My experience has been that your feelings about yourself and the other are inaccurate… and the less you deserve the more superior you feel… Go figure.
- This superiority, false superiority is a huge hindrance to growth.
Just like comfort.
Growth takes pain, effort, discomfort, risking… and comfort makes it near impossible.
In Scandinavian culture people sit in the sauna, which is one discomfort, and then jump into the icy lake… which is another discomfort.
You don’t hear about customs where you jump from comfortable, nice tepid water to an icy lake…
Superiority, real or imagined, is comfortable… not conducive to taking risks. Emotional, intellectual, or physical risks.
When I look at the history of human evolution, all evolution was a result of discomfort. Lack of food, lack of water, too hot or too cold weather.
Humans haven’t evolved further in the past 40 thousand years. Neither physically, nor intellectually, or emotionally.
Even though the genetic foundations of “human being”, the next evolutionary level, is fully there.
Which indicates to me that an individual can evolve.
Creating discomfort in a world where it is sooo comfortable.
So what kind of discomfort can you create?
My best student ever is a woman who, for the past 4-5 years has been taking courses, or doing things that are very challenging to her abilities. She needs to deal with the genes screaming “you can’t”, and say “It ain’t necessarily so”.
Every single time she proves the genes wrong.
Her health, her hydration are both 50%, her vibration is 250. She uses the tools she bought (all of the tools I’ve ever made), and quietly keeps on growing.
Why isn’t her vibration higher? She doesn’t challenge herself in the area of beingness. It is near impossible for most people to do it to themselves. I am a rare exception in that regard.
So instead of reading what catches your fancy, read what is hard. Hard to understand.
Instead of doing what’s easy: do what is difficult. Learn delayed gratification… work against your genes. Eat when you have an earned hunger. Drink when you have an earned thirst. Rest when you have an earned tiredness. Talk when you have an earned speaking time.
If you are not willing… then tell the truth and stop seeking for ways to feel better about yourself.
You are the best you’ll ever be… Be OK with that. Your best is pretty bad. It is earning you the life you have.
PS: I just checked a student who did really well while being away in school… and promptly dropped back to his baseline once he returned “home”… to family. This is how we do things… land. Another reason of no human evolution.