As I mentioned in an article yesterday, I just bought into a two thousand dollar program. It seems to be the best prepared program I have ever done, with amazing organization, attention to detail, little videos explaining everything again and again, purpose, how to find my way, what order to do things and why.
To my surprise I experienced hate as I was listening to the originator of this program.
He can do everything I can. This program already has thousands of people signed up. And I don't think I matter to anyone, even though the teacher is emphasizing how much each person matters to him... I KNOW he is lying.
I have a chip on my shoulder. My ego is bruised... and...
I feel shame of not being able to be like him... helping all MY students to find their way through the maze of what there is to learn.
I feel despair over not mattering.
My feelings surprise me: I did not expect to feel these feelings. I expected to be excited. I expected to be grateful. I expected to be motivated... and keep my feelings about what I am going to get... but the selfish gene is busy comparing.
I have a lot of questions I'd like to ask, but I am SURE that I'll be shut down, embarrassed, shamed.
Hah... It's been buried forever... but I remember that it's been always there. Feeling less than... not really belonging... out of my element.
Takeaway: we humans, don't like to feel less than...
...don't like talented, smart people... because they remind us that we are less. Tell me that I am wrong, and I'll tell you that you are lying.
I can see it when, rarely, I talk to people personally. I am shielded from the knowledge on the phone... I feel the feeling, but I haven't been able to pinpoint this particular attitude... even though, I guess, it's always there...
It's the genes. We know those as the ego. The ego that makes us kill, make war not love, the ego that makes us racist, that make us secretly celebrate Hitler and regret that he could not finish his cleaning job... of the darn Jews who are too smart for us to feel comfortable in our own skin.
I am a Jew... I saw, for the first time, why people don't like Jews...
The genes make us feel and think whatever they want us to feel. You and I have no control over any of it. Really.
Some you'll like, and most you won't.
Add conscious awareness, the number one predictor of success, and something that can only be done if conscious awareness is present: managing yourself.
I read somewhere yesterday someone saying: I see my evil thought, I can feel my evil emotion, and I forgive myself.
But before I can forgive myself, I need to be able to see and feel the evil in me. The genes sounding off.
And then you forgive yourself and do whatever your Self tells you to do. Or Reason.
Instead of suppressing the thought, instead of suppressing the feeling. Or judging yourself.
It is normal, it is what it means to be human. To be a half genes and half higher functioning, higher aiming creature.
I have said it before, and I'll say it again: the path to raising your vibration is to bring conscious awareness to yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, and to choose.
There is a lot more to it, but the biggest missing is the conscious awareness that allows you to see and see things for what they are.
You can see that this is not a 'waving your magic wand and it's done" phenomenon.
Also not a "I am such a nice person, I have such nice thoughts" phenomenon either.
But... warning... Reading about it, understanding it is the booby prize... worthless. You don't need to understand it. You need to do it.
If you are one of the people who read every article, maybe even memorize it, you are NOT doing the work.
Conscious awareness does not come from knowing, does not come from remembering.
Conscious awareness is in the moment, and the organ is not the mind. It is part of the brain, but not the mind.
The part that sees the interconnectedness of things. The part that works with distinctions... bricks that make it all make some sense. The integrative part of the brain.
The 67 step coaching in the first go-through, people get more distinctions. Tai calls them principles, etc.
In the second run the connections start to reveal themselves.
In the third run you start to be able to connect seemingly unrelated phenomena... This is when you become truly intelligent.
And all the while, unbeknownst to you your thinking, your attitude, your doingness starts to shift to incorporate what you heard and barely understood in the first run.
Fun to watch.
Effortless... ultimately every human is designed to grow this way... unfortunately society, family, workplaces don't want you to grow... so you live in an environment that prefers your growth to be stunted.
And then you bring the new you to your old job, to your old relationship... or start a new job, a new relationship, and keep on growing, keep on having fun.
Doing growth oriented things is actually fun.
Even if the voice of the speaker is grating (it is!), even if the questions are inane (most of them are) and even if my feedback is not positive.
You should avoid wanting a positive feedback from me. That is an addictive misleading desire. If you succeed getting a compliment from me:... you'll start doing what you do for me... big mistake. And if you don't succeed getting a positive feedback from me: you'll want to stop.
You need to do it for yourself, for what is possible for you.
Hard, I know. The genes want you to be liked... big pull... in the wrong direction.
This is also managing yourself... managing the context... the why, the focus of your effort.
If you, or when you become masterful at context, you'll life will be like a symphony... beautiful.
PS: I am accepting new students in the 67 step coaching program.
Go back and read yesterday's article, or if you are ready, here are the payment options to sign up.
Or you can get a lifetime deal for $477... if you prefer.
Here is the button to pay weekly: