I have another word for allowing for you, that has always worked much better for me than the word allowing.
The other word is "having room for"...
You see, if you live in tight quarters, than everything that intrudes it, everything that you didn't design to be there creates clutter, hinders you in your movement, cramps your style.
If you move into a larger house, that maybe even has a basement and an attic, and a few extra bedrooms, you have room for a lot of stuff... even for a lot of stuff that you neither need or want.
But you can afford the luxury to let those things be, you have them, they don't have you... meaning they don't have your goat.
You let them be... that is what having is.
And, ultimately, this, allowing/having room is the difference between scarcity and abundance.
When you live in scarcity: everything is a problem, everything is a threat. You you can't allow them to be... you have to handle them, talk about them, think about them, worry about them, fret about them.
When you live in abundance, you can allow things to be, and do what you want to spend your life with. You don't worry. You don't fight. You don't complain. You can let things be... and not be bothered by them.
Whether that thing is a person and the way they behave, the things they say... or the weather, or the traffic, or pain... you have room for them to be the way they are... and surprisingly, most things that you allow to be, allow you to be.
That doesn't mean you are complacent: no, not at all. Being complacent and abundance don't work together either.
But you are not in a reactionary mode.
Example: I have had heartburn for the past three years.
I have changed my diet, and have removed everything that irritates my esophagus... heartburn is a symptom that the valve between the stomach and the esophagus is blistered, and can't close.
After all that change the heartburn didn't budge.
So I examined my supplements, and lo and behold half of my supplements have inert ingredients that cause my esophagus blistering.
This is my first day without those supplements, and I haven't had heartburn all day.
My feeling is that the esophagus can heal in about ten days (I muscle tested!) and then I may be able to re-introduce my offending supplements... but we shall see. Maybe not... And if not, I'll find an alternative solution: I am not stuck.
So how does this apply to "allowing", or "having room for?"
And now that my energy level is high, my emotional state is inspired and calm, my hydration, my ambition is working doing what they are supposed to do... I am ready to deal with this one issue: removing the blistering elements from my "diet".
I wasn't complacent... I dealt with larger concerns first.
If you have been driven crazy by all the irritants in your life... you need to make room for them.
This includes fear and anxiety. Make room for it... the moment you do it, they let you have room for doing what is important to you... Maybe living your life? Hah... you've almost forgotten what that was like! lol
PS: My issue with tolerance, is that I still feel the judgment, the resentment, the resistance in it.
Allowing, having room for people to be different, maybe not on your side, ugly, smell bad, or not having the same values doesn't judge them. You may see, fully and clearly what you are allowing, but they are non-threatening, and therefore you don't judge them.
Judgment is a sign that you feel threatened... The ego... The selfish gene...
Oh, and let me not forget your own weaknesses, mistakes, failings, experiments gone bad, or shortcomings.
When you can allow them to be... you are really approaching full power.