This is what happened to me this morning.
I got up at 5:20. The other option was to sleep another hour and a half... and oversleep... So I got up. Better sleep less than more (read my Depression article to see why.)
Chilly morning... sweater and pants, big glass of Energized Water... I am ready for my email... And no, I don't stretch, I don't exercise, I don't meditate... I go to my email and connect. Connect to All-of-it and to my people.
The first email is from a woman who is disappointed in me because I didn't provide her with love, and warmth, and appreciation of how great she is. Hm.
This email is the inspiration for today's post... because it reveals something that I have never written about, and you probably have never heard distinguished before.
Unexpectedly and miraculously I got a "meeting of the minds" with Roy Williams (again): he is writing about the same thing in his Monday Morning Memo. Don't you love when it happens? That is the luck I was talking about above.
Because his input clarified what was bothering the email writer woman, and what was bothering me...
So here you go:
The email writer, let's call her Deedee, sent me $5 to measure her vibration.
Here is my "reading" of her:
your vibration is 70. Why so low? You haven't lived life the way Life wants a human to live their lives, to become an expanding human being.
That's wrong with you? Nothing... maybe a little empty? A tad pretentious, living for how it looks? How you look?
Oh my! I thought surely I'd rank higher, and ironically was prepared to rank modestly, but 70? Wow...I Am shook!
No doubt you don't require all this intel, but at the risk of sounding defensive, I feel I need to illustrate why I'm knocked to the floor. So, if you wouldn't mind indulging me.
... [here comes a long list of wonderful things she can say about herself... really wonderful]
There's so much more. But, essentially, my reaching out to you is one of my baby steps toward debriefing, embracing the oxygen-mask-applied-to-self-first concept, and making caring for me well, a priority for the rest of my life. Having been "tooken" quite a bit in these my later years, doing so required I conjure up reserve Trust from deep within the annals of my Soul.
Perfect Peace & Bountiful Blessings
I Am Earnestly
OK, it is important here to note: I am not quoting her to make you think poorly of her... Remember, I am going to teach an important lesson that you need to learn if you EVER want to be in the game of becoming an Expanding Human Being... joyful, and at peace.
So, please don't judge into any judgments... or you'll miss the point... I know it is difficult, but just please refrain from jumping... OK?
OK, moving right along...
I sent her this answer, as a gift:
I read this.
You may want to look: given that you have shown no curiosity, you asked no question: is it possible that the attitude of listing off all your wonderfulness is what keeps your vibration so low?
Now, my answer can't be taken well at a vibrational level of 70... but again, I don't know how to talk to someone on that level... so please forgive me for giving away pearls that can't be appreciated.
Deedee's answer is quick, and predictably full of hurt and disappointment: (Again, do not judge... suspend it... OK?) What you do want to hear is reaction, reactive... maybe...
No questions were asked because after having waited & waited for the response, which I was assured would be swift, when it did arrive I was thrown moreso by the approach/tone than anything. I then became en guard, apologetic, and defensive... feeling the need to explain. To what end? I guess to trigger some semblance of empathy from someone who provides a disclaimer up front for having a contrary bedside manner. Shame on me... I should've believed you!
The cause of my low vibration? Yes, I suppose it could be. In my effort to share about my life filled with perpetual stresses & challenges, that I'm continually Blessed to weather & emerge from these challenges intact & strengthened, and that I pay homage for this to being supported by the Universe, my Angels/Ancestors, I can see how it could be perceived in that way.
This feeling reminds me a lot of the icky one I had for the girls who used to beat me up with regularity with their unfounded mantras of, "you think you're this", and "you think you're that". Unfounded because I was never anything but modest & humble & giving. For I was with a vengeance & with regularity having any semblance of a seed of self-esteem beaten out of me at home by my Aunt.
But, here I go again, with the vying for understanding & empathy... I am remembering that is NOT your role. And I'm realizing that in testing these waters, I've managed to sign up for yet another row with my old nemesis, Tough Love. And maybe that's just not such a good idea right now. Presently, all my energy needs to be going toward keeping it together. Mayhap I should employ a different tool to strengthen my foundation. I am much obliged for the swift & sure clarity you have bestowed upon me. Truly.
My answer, trying to speak to the vibration of 70... unsuccessfully...
Sorry you got not what you expected.
My job is to give people what only I can give.
and finally the email this morning:
I've been contemplating how your responses are so cryptic and cold. I send you Blessings of warmth & tenderness. Peace Out. Deedee
OK, now the lesson:
The realists say: I see it and I call it... and mostly what I see is ugly.
The romantic says: I believe in honor and love and kindness... and that is what I see everywhere.
“If you want to believe in something, then believe in it. Just because something isn’t true, that’s no reason you can’t believe in it… Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money – money and power – mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this; that love – true love – never dies. Remember that, boy. Remember that. It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.”
– Hub McCann, played by Robert Duvall, speaking to his nephew in Secondhand Lions
Whether you are a realist or a romantic, you come to see life against a backdrop. (Read my articles on backdrop, won't you? This one and the ones in the "related posts" under this post)
We believe that the realist sees what's true... and the romantic... well, he is a fool.
And we hope that most people around us will be realists and will see how great we are... but not two people agree on what they see... so we can safely assume that the realist doesn't see how it is, the realist sees the what they "know" is there... ugly.
But if you are a "realist" and expect other people to see you as beautiful, then you are going to be sorely disappointed. Roy Williams says: "My experience has been that we become less frustrated and more likeable when we embrace the fact that belief is a choice."
Because you expect people to be different than yourself... and no matter what they will see in you, it will never be enough. Your efforts to be seen by others as X and be confirmed as that, is what you do things for, the X things you consider good. You want to be validated because you feel empty, or unappreciated, or maybe even worthless.
On the other hand a romantic sees you against their firm belief of honor, love and kindness and heroism... and will give you want you need... How you can be exactly that beautiful ideal... where you fall short.
I believe in the human spirit, in beauty, in greatness. I also see it entrapped... I am a liberator. I weep for the people I work with, I weep for Deedee... because being a "realist" is another way to relate to the world: "People are unappreciative, people are bad, and unless I protect myself, unless I justify myself, unless I explain myself, they won't see anything good in me."
I say, Kabbalah says, that the realist is "negative" and the romantic is "positive".
It is hard to see, but try to see what I am saying: hoping that in the face of "reality" someone will appreciate you is you aiding, strengthening the Dark Side, the Negative Force... Exactly the way your fear, your anxiety, your greed do.
What Deedee, and 99% of humanity doesn't see, is that they (you) have already lined up on the side of Negativity...
The more you are forcing kindness, and nice words, and send blessings, and "Peace out" and other beautiful things, is because you see bad things there, and unkindness, and you are trying to fix it.
But you see, quantum physics have shown that there is no reality independent of the observer. And the observer's expectation determines reality...
So what you are doing, day in and day out, is strengthen darkness by seeing it, expecting it everywhere.
Do you think that you'll rate high on the vibration scale? Hell no.
Reality, people, the Universe are magnificent, breathtaking... But when you have to say that, what drives your need to say that is that it is NOT what you see, it is what you want to create with your words.
Do you need to force the sky to be blue? The grass to be green? No... why? because that is how you see it.
But when you need to send blessings, and peace... that is clear: that is not what you see... and that is not what you create... you create mayhem and havoc. Hate. Coldness. No appreciation.
And that is the lesson.
Fear says: I am not enough... and the world is a dangerous place... people are bad... blah blah blah
Your neediness says: I am not enough... I need someone to fill me... but they probably won't... because they are bad.
And so on, and so forth.
The hardest thing is to catch your own convictions about life, about yourself, about others. Because they are as invisible as water for the fish, or air for the birds...
Once you can catch yourself, rejoice. All it takes is one time to start removing the cataract from your eyes... and start owning yourself as the creator of your own life experience, of your own "reality".
Your soul correction will show you your particular bent of skewed view of the world and yourself.
And then you can spend your entire life on correcting that... It will be a life well spent.
Find out your soul correction... and if you want, book a session with me to get directions. It's not cheap... It's my regular hourly rate. Write to me for a payment link.