It wasn't a course: it was a process. I called it "The Juice Process" at the time, and have done it either one-on-one, or two or three-on-one. I had two "apprentices" to learn the process. That's why the one or two other people were on the call in addition to the client and myself.
There was also another reason: one-on-one conversations can by hijacked by the client: their "machine" will want to argue, or take the conversation to a totally unproductive place.
People loved it, and many paid $300 for it.
I loved the process, I hated the results.
Something was missing. People forgot what they saw in the process, and continued living their lives like before, somewhat happier, somewhat lighter, but still... there was no transformation, there was no breakthrough: it was a disappointment for me, no matter how much money people paid me.
And although the current Activate Divinity Program could be producing the kind of results I envision: it hasn't.
Let me first tell you what we are doing, and then I will reveal what's missing, ok?
In the current Activate Divinity Program we set out to integrate your denied "fragments of self."
How do you deny your self? Something happens and you decide, as the aftermath, that you don't want to be that person... or you hide it so deep, that you forget about it.
Here are some examples:
1. You cry and carry on as a baby. Your parents come to your crib and cringe: there you are red-faced, screaming. Ugly, unpleasant, suffering. They don't know what to do with you: you are having belly pains, colicky, they call a child like that.
Although you have no words, you get the communication: you are not wanted. You are not liked. You associate it, somehow with wanting, wanting relief, wanting food, wanting to be hugged.
You make a binding decision that somehow, wanting is bad. You have to want, it is how you are wired. So how are you going to punish yourself? You are not going to enjoy anything that you get. You denied the self the satisfaction, the fulfillment, the joy.
Until you release that lock, you are going to be the most unbearable selfish wanting machine, yet unfulfilled.
2. You steal a toy in the store. You slip it into your little pocket. Your mother finds it. Accuses you of buying it on money you stole from her purse. You get punished.
You are confused. You get punished for something that you didn't do, and not for what you did. You cut away your little 5-year old self, because you can't deal with the confusion.
The confusion will be your main mode until you re-integrate that piece of the self.
3. Your mother, high-class and educated, decides that her four daughters will learn to entertain her guests and bring her to an even higher level of social status. You are sent to learn piano with the next door neighbor, a fancy, pompous piano teacher. You can't immediately get the connection between the notes and the hands... you decide that you can't do it, but really, you decided that you won't do it.
From that time on you dutifully go to your piano lessons, but instead of playing, you sit on the bench and cry, till the hour passes.
You spend the rest of your life sitting on the bench while other people play, have fun, win, pursue, whatever.
You need your defiance protected. You need your cowardice not revealed. You'll live like you can't, because at that early age you didn't have the courage to confront your mother, and take the beating if you had to.
Until you get that you chose cowardice and pretense instead of meeting the challenge head-on, you will have to live out the rest of your life, sitting on the bench. Your words will be hollow, your son will copy your attitude and will never amount to anything: after all you didn't... why should he be any different.
Until you integrate that aspect of you that you left there, the part that can, you will never be complete.
In a separate session we integrate that part, energetically... without Source Energy added, that part will always be abandoned, leaving you fragmented, unable, unhappy, wretched.
Here is the good news: the integration is going well, and it's holding. When it didn't work, we found that the person was unable to see that they were the perpetrator, not the victim.
You never deny yourself because you are victimized. You deny yourself because of shame, guilt, disgust, or pretense. Those are hard to see: we are so wired to remember our pain, not our anger... just look and you'll see.
Now, in spite of the success of the process, I am still saying that the declared purpose, Activate Divinity, is missing.
When I ask people what they are getting, they are getting stuff, they are getting ease, they are getting to do things. And that is OK, just not enough.
I re-watched one of my favorite movies of all times, Babette's Feast, a 1987 Danish movie, won the Academy Award for best foreign film, by the way.
It's about a French woman escaping the French Revolution where all her family was killed, to Denmark, into a small community of devout Christians, a sect. She takes on cooking for the elderly and sick in the community. One day he comes to a large sum of money, and asks the community to cook a meal for them.
She does... and we find out that she was a famous chef, an artist through the culinary arts. The meal she cooks returns the bickering, un-Jesus-like congregation to love your neighbor as yourself.
So far so good, but so what? You don't live your life in a famous French Restaurant, and giving a feast eats up all your money and more.
The important part of the movie is this: how you do anything is how you do everything. When your art, which is bringing down heaven to earth, connecting with the divine and connecting others with it too, is really your art, then we should be able to detect it in everything you do. In how you live, in how to clean your house.
Babette, the French woman, connected to the divine, practices his art even when he made "slop" for the sick and elderly.
Her divinity was active, 24/7, no matter what she did. Not only when she performed some notable activity, like cooking up a feast.
She brought the divine into ordinary actions, just like ZEN says: chop wood, fetch water...
And this is what's missing at this point from the Program: that perspective. That context.
Students want to get to the other side of incomplete and fragmented, in order to... fill in the blanks. And this divine process will be wasted on them: they will be ordinary and un-divine when they are done.
Unless you access this process bringing to it your own divinity it won't make you divine. You bring your ordinariness, wretchedness, your ambitious self, and what you will get is more of that. Why? Because what you put into it is what you get out of it.
It seems to be an unwritten rule of the Universe. Including divinity...
So why aren't my students bring their divinity to this process? Because, surprise, they don't have it.
Divinity is not part of our blueprint (I can hear the roar of disagreement! lol) even though some of us have it. Divinity, like caring, needs to be implanted.
There are a couple of ways to "attain" to divinity, one of them is "satsang," a kind of attunement, attunement by the energy of a person who has attained to divinity, on whatever level. But if you bring your ambitious, ordinary being to the satsang, you will not attain your divinity. You won't even get close to it, just like, so far, my students, except maybe one person.
By the way, this is the reason Jesus didn't bring in the thousand years of peace: attaining through words and "satsang" is a hit and miss process, effective for one in a million. None of Jesus' students attained. How do I know? There would be no Christian Church if any of them had.
And neither did Buddha, Mahavira, Krishna.
The Unconditional Love Activator is a first step to prepare you to be willing to put you into the vibration of your own divinity. So far one person has. Another one is darn close. Brand new student, but special.
I'll report here about the results of the "implant" process. I am working on it, both for caring and divinity.
I am here to burn you, your insides. To shatter the wretchedness that you consider your self. That is what implanting means. Do I have the gumption? Yes. And I have my divinity that is seeking company, lol.