Chances that you escaped this 0.3 percent. Slim.
OK, this is how it works in the world of the mind:
- Something happens. Puzzling. Scary. Something that doesn’t make sense.
In my case, many cases! my mother calling me a whore at age three… Or not taking me to the funeral of my little sister. Or stop the conversation when I entered the room. Or beating me up for a reason invisible to me.
You don’t know why. You are young, or you just can’t see everything. Because this can happen at any age. But mostly it happens when you are little.
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- Next phase: wondering about. You want to make sense of that “pebble in your shoes”.
You wonder about the cause. The main question is: if this happened: what could be wrong with me that it happened?
- You make one decision or many… but the wondering about doesn’t stop. You still don’t know, you know your decision was just one of many possible causes… not THE cause.
…so you continue wondering and testing… and your life is spent wondering… nothing useful gets done. Nothing nice is happening, as far as you are concerned. It’s all the wondering about, that matters.
If your life isn’t going anywhere, if you lack power (not force!) in your decisions, in your actions, you are most likely still wondering about yourself… and why the thing(s) that happened, happened, and what it is about you that made them inevitable.
The bad thing is the life-consuming quality of this wondering. The Life-Force consuming quality. It’s like a flesh-eating bacteria: uses your life to live.
So the job is to neutralize the wondering about, deciding on an answer, and making it stick by embracing it.
I could now stop wondering about… My life was now mine… and could start making things happen.
Is it being worthless? Is it hopelessly wrong? A mistake? Is it not being wanted?
Pick one and test it.
Embrace it. It feels most frightening, worse than death.
The Ego doesn’t want you to embrace it.
But if you do, if you kiss your broken life, it will let you live. It will let you sleep, and become you…