What is using your life? The process of “wondering about” and how to stop it.

embraceThis will talk to everyone… including you.

Chances that you escaped this 0.3 percent. Slim.

OK, this is how it works in the world of the mind:

  1. Something happens. Puzzling. Scary. Something that doesn’t make sense.

    In my case, many cases! my mother calling me a whore at age three… Or not taking me to the funeral of my little sister. Or stop the conversation when I entered the room. Or beating me up for a reason invisible to me.

    You don’t know why. You are young, or you just can’t see everything. Because this can happen at any age. But mostly it happens when you are little.

    Download the pdf version of this article at the end of the article

  2. d462d23ac194f0431291398741a07f44Next phase: wondering about. You want to make sense of that “pebble in your shoes”.

    You wonder about the cause. The main question is: if this happened: what could be wrong with me that it happened?

  3. wondering-about-a-problem-cannot-solveYou make one decision or many… but the wondering about doesn’t stop. You still don’t know, you know your decision was just one of many possible causes… not THE cause.

    …so you continue wondering and testing… and your life is spent wondering… nothing useful gets done. Nothing nice is happening, as far as you are concerned. It’s all the wondering about, that matters.

If your life isn’t going anywhere, if you lack power (not force!) in your decisions, in your actions, you are most likely still wondering about yourself… and why the thing(s) that happened, happened, and what it is about you that made them inevitable.

The bad thing is the life-consuming quality of this wondering. The Life-Force consuming quality. It’s like a flesh-eating bacteria: uses your life to live.


So the job is to neutralize the wondering about, deciding on an answer, and making it stick by embracing it.

I shortcut my “wondering about” by declaring myself stupid. I decided that I was stupid, that I can’t see clearly. And then I did the unthinkable: I embraced stupid. 1

I could now stop wondering about… My life was now mine… and could start making things happen.

embrace3What could you declare yourself as… and stop this detrimental, destructive, life-consuming wondering?

Is it being worthless? Is it hopelessly wrong? A mistake? Is it not being wanted?

Pick one and test it.

Embrace it. It feels most frightening, worse than death.

The Ego doesn’t want you to embrace it.

But if you do, if you kiss your broken life, it will let you live. It will let you sleep, and become you…

Your Self.

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  1. I shortcut the others as well… I won’t share those in this article.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

10 thoughts on “What is using your life? The process of “wondering about” and how to stop it.”

  1. These are all in the zone, but Less Than Linda’s sums it up.

    Here I am: Less than. Not talented enough. Not one of us. Lost. Weak. Gay. Ordinary. Not gifted. Living without purpose. Undisciplined. Unfocused. Selfish. I don’t have what it takes.

  2. OK, I have no idea what you mean by “zone”, and Less than Linda’s… are you dragging in the cat… instead of simply answering the question?

    The second part: unless you have one thing to embrace, you are being your slimy slinky slippery lower self, avoiding the domination of the intrinsic Self…

    This isn’t what you expected, is it? You expected to garner sympathy, or celebration, or some good thing.

    OK, Not doing the work never gets you that on my site… other sites, other people, who are in kahoots with the Dark side will love you for it.

    OK, now, enough of blasting you. Which one of those was born around age 3-4-5?

    By the wording, the mood, the maturity, I guess “I am less than”

    Try it on, work with it, and attempt to embrace it.

    Come back to report, if you have the courage… you can do it in private as well.

  3. you can try it Wendy.
    One of the gifts a true empath has is to feel how badly a certain word effects you.
    This effects you minimally… so if I were you, I would look for another one… something in the neighborhood of “I am a mistake”…

  4. Your fundamental wondering about issue can be tested this way:

    If your actions, alternately confirm and disconfirm what is wrong with you, then you have a winner.

    Examples: I have a tendency to be brilliant/overbearingly smart, and other times really daft… slow, stupid.

    J. has a tendency to prove how well he is “with it”… how well he is “getting it”… only to prove the opposite.

    Oscillating structure par excellence.

    so, if your “I am not good enough” is true, you are an overachiever. Is that true about you? I know you and that doesn’t sound true about you.

    So let me poke around… I can only come close… Her is what muscle test says is close: “I am weak…” Test that. Both sides. I am weak… I am strong… and see if you oscillate between the two.

    Thank you for trying.

  5. Wonderful article!!
    I saw you mention some of this in a previous article of yours a few weeks ago…and have been giving it a try since then. I initially came to “I am not smart” and it’s variation “I am actually stupid”…I tried to allow that for a while…and then another insight came up about a week ago and I realized that “I am not special” was a better “fit”. I have a sneaky feeling that underneath this though, is really the feeling of “I am not good enough”. Both of these directly relates to my soul correction as well…I could see why my soul correction does what it does in a sense (…maybe I will send you a private email about it to see if it makes sense)…all I can say is, is that it made it even more sad and awful to have to sit with afterwards. So, for now at least, I would say mine is “I am not special” (or it’s variation “I am ordinary”).

  6. None of these measure as yes, Nev. It is more in the neighborhood of not good… maybe not good enough… not deserving.

    If you look, that is an injustice…

    What I am looking for is you causing it, acting it out, and obeying it. The duality, the oscillating structure. Causing it with your behavior, with your speaking.

    So one would abandon you as hopeless, incorrigible…? Campaigning and then dropping off…

    Just thinking out loud. good work. thank you.

  7. I had to do a bit more digging over the last day or two on this…and I used some of your input above, Sophie…and I came down to “I don’t matter”. This seems to be the birth place of my need to be included, valued and be heard. Being stupid for me means I don’t matter…so the reaction for me is to know a lot and become impressive. Appear important and therefore needed. The downside is that the compensation of knowing a lot etc. actually makes me not honor what the other has to offer…and I also don’t even bother listening to someone whom I have already marked as a dummy or an idiot. It is either my way or my way lol! You can imagine how popular that has made me here among my classmates on certain occasions.

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