Do you know what no feelings mean? You are dead... While you are alive life is ups and downs, good feelings, bad feelings, neutral feelings.
The fact that you can't feel your feelings doesn't mean they aren't there...
Yesterday was a weird day.
First I fell victim to taking things personally. I'd like to say it was funny, but taking things personally is not fun.
The whole day passed without a single email, and also without most of my regular clients and students visiting my site. I was checking.
Late afternoon I started to contemplate that I have lost my customers.
Then I looked if I could handle that...
To handle means that it does not reduce your power.
When you suffer, when you blame, when you justify, when you explain, when you suppress, when you pretend... these are signs that your power is reduced.
Now, who or what reduces your power? Surprisingly it is not something outside of you. It is you, reducing your own power. With a certain view of yourself, where you need to do the things in the previous paragraph to survive the incident.
So let me rewrite the previous paragraph to reflect this insight: when you think you have to suffer, when you think you have to blame, when you think you have to justify, when you think you have to explain, when you think you have to suppress, when you think you have to pretend... these are signs that your power is reduced.
There is a spiritual capacity that won't turn on and won't keep on after I turn it on, called Self Trust.
It needs to be proven.
So far everyone has CATEGORICALLY refused to practice it... so it has turned off for everyone... even though this may be really the pivoting point between being a miserable wretch and expanding human being.
Until you can see that you can handle anything without any loss of power, you won't go for it.
And you won't much go for the practice, even thought I made the practice really easy: take a route home that is unfamiliar. Take a turn that you don't know where it takes you. Buy and eat something that you don't like and eat it...
As long as you stay on the safe "sidewalk" the Self Trust capacity is neither needed nor gets activatable.
Example: I do things I don't know if I can do all the time. I used to take those wild turns, but I don't drive any more.
- I test and experiment... all takes self-trust.
- I come up with new stuff... and bring it to you asap... even though I don't know if you'll like it, take it, buy it, or hate it.
- I tell the truth even if it threatens with destroying my reputation and respectability with you.
On a more mundane level: I installed a new version of Windows on my machine last night. I was quaking in my boots... meaning: I wasn't sure if I can actually do that, if I can re-install and use all my favorite applications, or put myself out of my misery with a convenient click of the mouse.
It was scary. And I did it.
I am writing this article on the new operating system.
It's taken, so far, five hours of my time, and I am not close to being done.
But I know I can handle it.
Testing, experimenting is far superior to blindly accepting everything, or blindly refusing everything.
If your actions come from not wanting to be responsible... i.e. it is someone else's fault, your life will be, at best, shitty.
Unless you have an experience of yourself as the master of your universe, you'll remain puny, floating remnants of a perfectly good life... flotsam.
Until many people hate you, you are not saying anything important enough to make a difference.
The people who have an issue with me and what I teach are the people who learned from some fraudulent guru, or learned but misunderstood what a legitimate guru taught. What they understood is that how you feel is an indication of how high you are on the scale of enlightenment.
What they ignore or never knew is this: bad feelings are useful. Without them you are like a computer that doesn't have a virus and malware protection system.
You can't tell true from false, right and wrong, and you live a dead life.
I should say: let them and maybe I should.
But with a whole half of all humans (muscle tested it!) having NO tolerance to bad feelings, maybe someone should speak up... and that's what I have been doing.
Many people, "let's hate Sophie" person's husband, think that they are saints. They married someone who they can fool... like the woman who made this website: her vibration is 60... I have only measured very very few people with vibration under 70... maybe two overall. But her experience of herself is righteous anger. And that her husband needs protection.
When you consider that you are whole and complete with no parts missing and no extra parts either, you may understand that every feeling, every emotion, every way of solving puzzles, making decisions, checking for accuracy, being guided are useful and are there for a reason: to make you successful, and to fulfill on the program that is encoded in your DNA.
What is encoded is not a life without bad feelings: what is encoded is being able to see the feelings as signals, and guidance.
She is in touch with how things feel to her, and navigates life with near perfect precision.
What guides her is feelings. Physical, emotional. Disgust. Suspicion. Discomfort.
In the book "The Upside of your Dark Side" people in an experiment felt a temperature drop when they were exposed to deception.
Just like in the children's game where you hide something and then one person needs to find it, and the only guidance they have is you telling them: warmer, colder.
But when you are fully in your head, you can't feel anything, and even if you do, even when you do, the mind will jump into conclusion that you should not feel that... because you should always be happy, and feel good.
Who said so? No one who is intelligent!
If you listen to liars, if you listen to people who don't know what they are talking about, you are reduced to dumb yourself.
PS: I nearly forgot what this article is about... the weirdness...
At 6 pm I listened to Step one of the 67 steps. I don't remember enjoying it this much ever before. Absence makes the heart fonder... lol.
And then I installed the new operating system. Then I read. Then I woke up at 5:30... got up.
I slept well. I didn't need all that much sleep. The depression lifted. I have a spring in my step.
Is it a Placebo Effect? I'll let you know. But I don't believe so...
The only thing changed is that I am now again back on the mountain side climbing through the switchbacks... And whether the mountain has a peak or not, my mood is determined by this upward trajectory.