Thanksgiving is an excellent opportunity for me to see it… you won’t see it… it is too close to you, and it would be too harsh for you to see it.
But I am going to write as if I cared whether you get it or not… that is how I do my thinking. Writing or talking it out…
I just hung up the phone on a student who called me to wish me a happy thanksgiving and say thank you.
I hesitated if I should pick up the phone, and hesitated if I should talk to him.
Why? Because unless you are in trouble and need me, calling me, out of the blue, shows that you consider me either the same level as you, or below you.
And if you do, I can’t make a difference with you.
But, of course, if you called, it is already screwed up. You already are considering me your flunky… and there is nothing I can do to change it. So I answered the phone.
I shared this dynamic, which he, obviously, didn’t see, or didn’t acknowledge.
Then, at the end of the call, he was going to hang up without saying thank you.
And ultimately that is what I wanted to talk about… that on Thanksgiving you formulate a thank you to cover up that you are not appreciative, not thankful, not grateful, not ever, or not often.
You make gratitude, appreciation an event. Just like Christians make god a Sunday event. Lip service. Laying, cheating, and then hoping that you have earned something.
But you know and they know and the Universe knows. God doesn’t know, because god doesn’t exist. But the worst part is that you know. And you have to live with it.
You can’t really fake yourself.
Maybe not all of you knows, only the parts that matter. Only the parts that allow you have some things, and don’t allow you to have other things… the things you need to deserve.
It is not that you can’t… It is not that you could not… It is that you don’t.
Mainly because you’ve been pretending.
What would people say if they found out that you are learning to be appreciative? They would (suddenly? don’t make me laugh!) know that you are not.
But you knew it, and they knew it, so you aren’t fooling anyone.
And you do this, day in, day out, year in year out.
You call people to prove that you care… but you don’t. You only care about appearances.
Doing the same things, being the same way, expecting different results.
PS: If this doesn’t apply fully to you… just know that partially it applies to everyone… myself included.
The more aware you become of your lower nature, the higher you can go. Don’t want to know? You’ll stay where you are… put. Until you do.