Internal and external barriers to growth, changing, success, the good life

is it worth my time, given what I am up to?Is that a distraction? Does that get me closer to my target?

One of the big issue I see with people is this:

You have big desires... but you don't consider doing the things you have to do to attain them worth your while.

Catch 22.

Your desire for comfort and doing nothing conflicts with your desire for what you say you desire.

Something has to give.


The two desires are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. You can either have one, or the other, but not both.

You can have everything, but not at the same time.

And therein lies the big issue: human nature is such that it values what you possess more than what you want.

I think this is what is underneath the tragic fact that humanity hasn't evolved emotionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually in the past at least 100 thousand years. Including yourself.

So to even be able to have this conversation, you need to be able to get this into your thick head: certain things cannot exist at the same time.

wake-up-earlyYou either sleep or you are awake.
You either diet or not diet.
You either work or you are not working.
You either pay attention or you are not.

Each "positive" effective action will take the committed abandonment of at least one other action.

I am reading a book, (Dr. Henry Cloud: Necessary Endings) a whole long book about that one thing: how to abandon, cut out, end activities, relationships, etc. that are incompatible with what you want in your life.

The size of the book, and the fact that it was a #1 best seller indicates that this is a big issue.

necessary-endings-2Until Chapter 9 (Resistance: How to Tackle internal and External Barriers) I was reading the whole book as it relates to you.

But when it got to this vantage point: mutually exclusive, or as he calls it "incompatible wishes" it suddenly became very personal to me.

OMG... I have all these incompatible wishes: I want to stay and I want to go, I want to throw away and I want to keep it, I want integrity but I also want to money that has no integrity... ugh.

When I look at daily activities... like going on a sales webinar, like today, I saw that I want the program they were selling, because it's interesting... but at the same time I want to stay focused on my own business... and I have to be able to say no, and find the interesting in what is inside my focus.

I want a ton of incompatible things... 1

choices-darn-choicesAnd I get massive anxiety when the idea of making a decision, abandoning an activity, throwing away some stuff, terminating a contract, anything that involves choosing.

Because this is so important to me, and it may be important to you, this is the ultimate goal of our What's the Truth About you workshop on Tuesday, December 6. Oh, that is tomorrow?

We'll look into what are the incompatible wishes that you are unable or unwilling to face...

You are under the delusion that you can have both... and even though one of my favorite sayings is "have your cake and eat it too"... in certain cases that looks very different than having incompatible wishes.

Incompatible wishes are true either or.

Even though they may have aspects of "this and that"... not until you let go of one side of the "or" equation.

Like asking "Is this a distraction" and if it says "yes" then say "no" to it...

Like I did today.

helping-handThe first session of the workshop series is free... the rest will be as inexpensive as $5 a pop...

I don't want to give the time of day to people who are not willing to wing $5 for personal coaching...

You know who you are... Stingy as the stingy does...

The other requirement will be (for participation) to have your starting point measurements... I need your soul correction, etc. to be able to coach you effectively...

do-you-really-want-itIf you don't, you can be on the free call, but I won't coach you. Deal?

Have your report handy... don't expect me to dig it up. When I ask for it, be prepared to copy and paste it into the questions area of the webinar.


  1. This is from a sermon... I didn't write it. But it is almost perfect...

    We must sometimes remove habits, relationships, expectations and more from our lives in order to make room for the fresh, new things "God" will do in us.

    necessary-endings-new-beginningsNecessary Endings is one of the few books I recommend to everyone I know.

    We all have dead things in our lives which need to go away.

    We all have unhealthy habits, patterns or imbalances which need to go away.

    Sometimes we need to let go of good things so that we can make room for the best things.

    Every rule has exceptions. Marriage is the exception to the rule of necessary endings.
    Marriage is a covenant among two people and God.
    Ending the marriage is almost never the best solution.
    Ending unrealistic expectations or unhealthy patterns within the marriage may be the best solution.

    Feelings and desires are unreliable guides when determining what is and is not necessary for life.

    If you "listen to your heart" you will never be able to let go of the things which are harmful for you.

    Unwillingness to let go eventually becomes inability to let go.

    Inability to let go of something is addiction.

    Addiction is the road to destruction.

    addiction-to-what-isJesus is the perfect example of letting go.

    Even though He was God, He let go of His status so that He could come to earth and became a man.

    Even though He was the creator, He let go of His authority so that He could give up His life as the payment for sin.

    By letting go of everything, Jesus made room in eternity for everyone (including you).

    In Revelation, all things are ended so that all things can be made new.

    Every time we let go of something, we make room in our lives for something new and better.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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