Urgency. I am driving my life... and sleeping is almost like I am snoozing in the back of the bus.
This whole idea that you are in the driving seat of your life should hit you as a surprise. Why? Because if and when I observe your behavior, your attitude, it doesn't look to me that you know it.
Your hands are not on the steering wheel... you are not pressing the gas pedal, you are in passenger mode, exploring the onboard entertainment, and complain, occasionally about the onboard food, the onboard beverages... unaware that you actually allow the automatic pilot to go wherever it is going...
Another sign that you don't know that you are driving your life is that you want to read what other people read. You hear that I read a book, and you buy it. But it isn't talking to you... even though I loved it.
You and I don't have the same role in life, therefore we should not read the same books.
I read books that are for "bus drivers: buses that drive many people. I drive not only my life, I am learning to drive you to where you can start driving your life effectively.
The books I read have, maybe, one chapter for you... Not more.
The books that Tai recommends are a lot better for you... if you read at all.
If you knew that you are driving your life
If you knew that you are driving your life, you would not eat all the crap you eat. You would find out what fuel fits your vehicle and you would keep it clean.
But you don't know. I know you are ready to protest, but you are lying. You don't even know what it feels like to drive your life. Because you probably never have.
So you do the best you can, and you do the good girl act, or the macho boy act, or any act you can think of.
Clever boy. Crafty girl. Nice girl. Good girl. Or dumb, slow, or hapless. All moves, all acts.
They are all acts to please or appease the driver.
If you knew that you are the driver, you would not think of pleasing me, appeasing me, would you?
You habitually assign the driver's role to some person or some thing...
But you habitually assign the driver's role to some person or some thing... Me, your parents, your job, your children, your husband, your wife.
It is never you... and many relationships suffer because of that.
Because when you look at another, you have no doubt that they are driving their life... and they are doing a really pitiful job at it... and because you've tied your car to theirs, you have complaining rights.
Hah... they don't know they are driving... and they sure don't know that their unawareness of it hurts you.
So you both end up in the ditch.
When you do end up in the ditch... and you will!
When you do end up in the ditch, and it happens even to my students and clients, you don't know you drove yourself there.
I've noticed that people take on "big projects" like traveling out of their living area. Visit ailing parents, visit children who live in another country.
Eat what others eat, do what others do, and when they return, their vibration, their health, their outlook at life is in the ditch.
And when I say ditch, I mean ditch. As big a drop as 100 points! In their vibration.
And with that kind of drop, people become suddenly stupid, irritable, and because they don't know they drove their life in a ditch, they don't know how to get out.
It happened TO them.
Now, let me ask you: if you actually drove your vehicle into the ditch, your actual vehicle: would you know to reverse and come out? Of course you could.
Hah... again. If you don't know that you drove your vehicle, you actually don't know what you did.
But more importantly: you don't know that you have the steering wheel, the gas pedal, the break... You would feel like a victim, because you think someone else is supposed to get you out.
Depending on your current vibration, you may have some part of your brain know the truth. Below a certain vibration you don't.
But that "some part" prefers to lie. Because you want to be rescued, or you want to be left alone in your misery.
Either way, the question you should ask yourself: do I really want the life i say I want? Do I want the good life? Whatever it takes?
The truth will set you free.
You will see that you don't have to. Anything!
But posturing that you want something that you don't really want enough to do whatever it takes will surely make you unhappy, miserable, and drive your life into a ditch.
The moment you stop pretending, you can be happy.
I used to think that I have to become wealthy, because unless I do, I am a failure... for others.
Then I decided that I don't care beyond the means to live a decent life... and decent for me is to be able to do my work and not worry about paying the bills. Anything more, any more money: it's a distraction. Now I have to worry about how I spend it.
Same about relationships, same about everything. Same about being smart... or knowing stuff... I am OK with being a half-brain... lol. Even when I can't understand a tutorial... I don't think I should. I understand that other people understand it, but I don't. So I'll do what I can: hire someone to either teach me by showing me, or do the work for me.
I stopped trying to do what is impossible for me. I stopped pretending that I can do anything. I can't. Good... now we know.
Maybe you would be OK if you didn't have to pretend that you want more. That you want things that you really don't want... not if it takes work. Not if it takes discomfort. Not if it upsets your life.
Try it out. Honestly.
And then when you have told the truth, try for something that you do want. It's OK. You have my permission.
It is not settling for less... it is going for what is reachable.
One of the mistakes people make in a program like the 67 steps, is thinking that because they are in that program they should. They should want to... whatever.
A friend of mine wants to be a millionaire. But he would be better off if he paid attention to what is in front of him... getting old and not having any savings. Not doing anything to generate a surplus of revenues.
Another person creates wonderful craft. She thinks she should create a shop and sell them... but doing that does not "jive" with her abilities: she would not be able to sell water to the thirsty.
She could ask someone to sell it for her. But no, she suffers because she can't do what she can't do... But you can't want to do what you are not equipped to do! Like I can't understand a tutorial with the remaining half brain I have.
So, what am I saying?
If you knew that you are driving your life, you would drive it to where you can... instead of pretending that you want to go where other people think you should go, or where other people go.
I have the right to be making only as much money as I need. Believe me it took me years to figure this out.
I have the right to want no personal contact with anyone I don't have to... and to live like a hermit. And believe me, not knowing this has caused me years wasted... decades!
Your job, if you got this far in this article, is to figure out what you really want, and what you have been pretending that you want.
The rest is just yearnings, idle wants and desires... Kill them. They don't serve you. On the contrary: they make you miserable.
And when you know what you really want enough to do whatever it takes, then go for it.
For me it is not a fixing job. It is discovery, it is adventure.
So you can count on me to do the work, because I actually enjoy doing this work.
For me: evolution. I am energized by it... I enjoy doing it. I must be really wanting it... lol.
Find your real wants. And then drive your life.
Instead of trying to be someone who you are not.
I have a hunch that this will be a series. Why? Because, I guess, it is not easy to know what you want enough to do whatever it takes. And what you don't want... and just a pretense, a should, because others said you should want it.
It's taken me decades. I want to make it easier for you, if I can.
It boils down to find out who you really are, what you really are... so you can scale what you want to what you can... able and willing to do.
I have two students that are weak in the use of language. And that weakness, it seems, allowed them to get to who they are faster than the rest.
Language, words, the mind, are in the way. But those two students prove that it's possible to find who you really are, what you really want, what you are willing to actually work towards.
So there is hope.