Our language is so corrupt, it is hard to find a person who means what they say… I mean the words. You’ll see what meeting others’ expectation is… Not what’s on the illustrations… 🙁
The most willfully ignored need, in my experience, is the need to meet others’ expectation.
What prevents you from honoring that need is a misunderstanding. Or we could say: the mis-weighing bias. All biases are misunderstanding how things work, shortcuts that give you a different result than what you expected.
In not honoring but ignoring this need, your chances for success, your chances for love, for self-expression, for happiness are so greatly diminished, it’s not even funny.
The more you are trapped in “I am a person and I don’t need you” or alternatively “When I need you I’ll dupe you, cajole you, threaten you, or flatter you to death to make you believe that I need you, and then you’ll do it because you are a good person… etc.” the less you’ll become a person.
Need a cat? Yeah, that’s a good indication that you are on a low level.
To be able to go beyond this need, you need to have respect, honor, see their need, caring, cooperation, gratitude, and a host of other states, that you can’t pretend. You are either there or you are not.
If you see this as giving up your individuality or your own need, you are justified to remain at a low vibration.
Yes, to be able to meet others’ expectations, you occasionally need to give up your individuality, your own need.
If everything you ever wanted comes through other people, then ultimately this is the most important need that when it’s unfulfilled, is preventing you from being able to earn or get what you need.
- If you never learned what others want, and how they want it delivered…
- If you never learned what reciprocal altruism is, because you refuse to do your side…
- If you just don’t care, because you think the world is like your parents who will yell at you, but still give you food, shelter, clothing… you are so misguided, that you can trust that until you change,
…you’ll never have what you want.
The best thing my parents could do for me is to ignore me. And when it was time to leave the nest, eject me. And when I asked for money, say “no”. I did not meet their expectation of me. I didn’t need hardly anyone’s expectation of another person…
My own level of fulfilling the need to meet others’ expectation is at 70%, but back then, it was 10%. I was miserable, and alone.
In my case, being a weird Jew, compensating, I have been unable to meet people where they are. I’d like to, but have been bad at it. It’s probably my weakest capacity, costing me a lot.
Yesterday’s conversation with the woman from the exercise class was a good sign. The exercise class is a good training ground for me.
Ever since the driver called me eager, I got to what degree I rub people the wrong way. And I have set out to either not rub them at all, or rub them the way they enjoy being rubbed, without being inauthentic, phony, or lowering myself.
I’ve read the book one of the older women self-published. I will return it today with my compliments and honest feedback. (I am going grocery shopping with the old folks today… as just another old folk. Being just another old folk is what I need to get under control.)
You want to wake up to the fact that your behavior resisting the need to meet others’ expectation violates the way the world works: reciprocal altruism.
I have coaching clients.
I have health coaching clients.
One way you reciprocate is that you do what you said you would do, by buying the service.
I spoke with a woman the other day, who bought the water energizer audio months ago, and haven’t set it up. By now she even forgot what the heck she bought.
She is unaware of the fact that she violated our agreement, and I am ready to remove her from the list of people I am willing to share a space with on a webinar.
I have students who get coaching from me and probably respond with a nod of the head, or some thoughts, but never respond in a way that I can get that the coaching landed.
They are unaware of the fact that they violated our agreement, and I am likely going to stop coaching them… and will limit my feedback to OK, good, keep it up.
Reciprocal altruism. Or reciprocal withholding altruism.
I have students and clients that think that the fact they paid me is as good as thanking me. So they don’t thank me.
Their reciprocal altruism account with me is so overdrawn, I have twinges of hate. But they can’t thank me, because in their puny world, in their need to meet their own expectation, they would suddenly have to admit that they are getting more than what they are giving… But a simple “thank you. you’ve gone over and beyond the call of duty, and I appreciate it” would even it all out.
I have students who instead of doing their work, periodically buy my goodwill with donations and gifts. My goodwill isn’t something I sell. Keep your end of the deal… do your work.
People love to give, but not without being thanked. I am no exception.
The cuckoo lays his eggs into small songbirds’ nest. The emerging cuckoo baby throws the bird’s eggs out of the nest. Then eats the songbird out of everything. Cookoo birds are larger than the songbird.
All receiving, no giving. That’s you. You withhold. Your energy, your spirit, your generosity.
Obviously the degree depends on your level of willingness to obey the need to fulfill others’ expectation.
Even when you happen to give, you give either because you have to, or for your ego gratification: look how generous I am.
And then you expect the things you want to come to you through them… because everything you ever wanted comes to you through people.
I pay attention to a lot of things you don’t. The more distinctions you have the more things you can notice.
Tai, the creator of the 67 steps wildly successful and popular program, has good people around him that remind him to thank the people who are listening for listening.
His current level in fulfilling the need to meet others’ expectation is 30%. Getting better at it would triple his income… his happiness, probably his area of “love” could finally get to “normal”, and even his health would feel it.
It sounds counter-intuitive, only because what we call intuition is really ego.
Start working on this area. Out of pure self-interest. Because it is self-interest. This is where your self-interest really serves you.
Did you notice I didn’t say “ego interest?”
Ego is about desire for the self alone.
Self is about all of life getting what it wants.