The pain of being devalued…

what is the truth about youWe all have a need to fulfill others expectations of us, and also some of us have the need to fulfill our own expectations of ourselves.

Now, what if someone says something about you, or something that you like, find important, says something that conflicts with what you think about yourself, your self-image? Your “I” you consider your Self. (it isn’t… by the way)

Your experience is that you are devalued. 1

The lower your vibration, the more it hurts.

And when someone puts down a thing or a person we have liked, then we feel devalued by association.

This can happen quite frequently if you hang out with me…

I only learned what the feeling I feel from was… I identified it after I read the Feelings book twice.

This week I felt this feeling from a guy in the Community Center… and now from probably the people of this Peter Schenk guy, whose show I won’t appear… for reasons really clear to me.

Interestingly, when I “tear down” an idea, a concept, a “truth” you hold dear, the bad feeling I feel from you is even stronger. Nasty.

You are more aware of your own failings than of the failings of others. And you rely on other things and on other people to transfer “value” to you, much more than your own actions… aren’t you weird?

Just like when you were in kindergarten and argued with a pal: my daddy will beat up your daddy… or my daddy is taller than your daddy… or any other “feathers” in your father’s cap that you used to decorate and elevate your “I”.

Or later: “I went to a better school than you…” etc. etc. etc.

None of those lend you value.

Why? because value only exists in interaction with something else.

If going to a better school made you knowing and being able to use more knowledge effectively… then yes. But the value is your knowledge being used.

Having a higher IQ, when used to produce more results, is a value. By itself it is nothing. The value is generated in the interaction. The value is always a feeling based value: it makes you feel better, secure, fills your need for beauty, information, wisdom, love, belonging, etc.

I have an ex student who is a photographer. She takes pictures of people, often of babies.

I like her pictures. What she does has art value… for the right person. The words she uses to create an associated feeling of value in the customer or potential customer will be the value she is selling… She needs to know what the buyer values… what generates good feelings in them.

I have another ex student who creates craft. I like her stuff. Her stuff isn’t selling.

Until she learns to create an associated feeling of value in her potential customers, her stuff will be only potential value… and will just gather dust, and fill her with a sense of futility.

Most things have no value, or small value without words… and if we are talking about your products, whether it’s writing, performance, or artistic endeavor, when the stuff is devalued, you’ll experience a devaluation of your “I”, the “I” you consider yourself.

Animal lovers may know, that you can talk to a cat till the cows come home, trying to persuade them to do something… unless they decide, regardless of your efforts, they won’t do it. The will do it when they FEEL LIKE IT. Words don’t influence cats’ feelings.

Humans are animals with words. And words have emotional content attached to them, called marker feelings. So you can influence a human with words… INFLUENCE THEIR FEELINGS.

If you manage to add marker feelings to words, you can persuade someone to do what you ask them to do: value your work, and buy your stuff, etc. Just watch people in art galleries who have a guide. They light up from the words the guide speaks… without those words, they saw no beauty, no value, no pleasant feelings… Please learn from this example!

If you expect the process to be wordless, if you expect things to sell themselves, you’ll probably have to wait… till the cows come home.

And if your “I” is dependent on your ability to sell… you will have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.

Oh, you already have a hard time?

Subscribe to blog notifications.
You'll get a digest email every Sunday... you can email me to upgrade to daily.


  1. devaluation. means The decrease in value of one currency in relation to another, usually by action of the government. When a currency is devalued, it buys less in foreign markets.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.