I woke up this morning with despair in my heart. No reason, just the mood. I stepped on the scale, and I put on half a pound yesterday. It was raining cats and dogs, but the temperature will be normal later today.
Must be Dark Side transmission...
I read some emails, answered them, but didn't feel like working.
I took some Heaven on Earth Remedy.
I watched some videos. One had a comment under it: "Don't Let What You Can't Do Stop You From Doing What You Can"
I took some more Heaven on Earth.
I read some more emails, watched some more amazing videos of amazing people who can do things that are just plain magic. I felt inferior, I felt that I was doomed to fail, doomed to be found out that I am nothing special.
Familiar? I thought so. Many many people wake up like this, I have accurately described many people's morning. Especially since the internet brings us the best of everything (lol) feeling that what we can do is insignificant, and the grass is definitely greener on the other side of the fence.
We feel we are not who we should be, famous, amazing, the one Simon nods to (finally). We feel, somehow, sub par.
I have a student who lives her entire life in this paradigm, I am lucky, I spent an hour, maybe two, and it is not a regular occurrence. I mostly have this hour or two around rent-paying time, when I don't have my rent ready three days before it's due...
Most people escape into some dream reality, and spend the rest of their lives there, only occasionally coming out to the real world, but it is never a joyous occasion. Others escape into depression. Others into anger, bemoaning their fate. Blaming. And yet others walk around judging others making themselves feel better by virtue of the other being so much worse.
Imagine that you are driving your car on a winding mountain road. On your left is the mountain, rocky, hardly any shoulder on that road. On the other side is the abyss, deep, and barely any shoulder there.
As your car goes around a curve, you come about a car accident: a car crashed into the mountain, and the wreck is still there.
Given the choice, where do you think you are going to end up? On the rocks of the mountain? Pile up on the top of the wreck? Or in the abyss?
Contemplate that for a second, be careful, your decision will decide if you'll live or die?
Most people choose the mountain, some choose the abyss. I have never had anyone choose the open lane between the wreck and the abyss.
Why? They can't see it. It doesn't exist, they can only see the obstacles.
This exercise is a very accurate demonstration of how you live in your life.
Very few people will move from: I can't do this. and I can't do that. and I am not good in that... to: what is it I CAN do? and then do that...
When we see someone amazing, someone really good at something, we NEVER contemplate all the things that we can't see, all the failures, all the shame, all the mistakes, all the things they are not good at. And all the work, years, thousands of hours they invested in their craft. We only see that they are amazing and we aren't.
Where I live, at the end of the street, there is a long staircase that leads from the top of the hill to the street below it... The height difference of about 10-12 story building. It's the perfect length to exercise, so people walk up and down the steps: in one summer you can go from fat to fab... I have seen many examples, someone doing that.
I like to do it too, though I prefer times when I can be alone. But from time to time I climb up when younger folks do it too. I do it slowly. My hip hurts, and I am not ready to kill myself just yet.
Their glances of superiority and condescending is amazing. I make them feel special. And it is a big deal: most of them are nothing special, only compared to a woman thrice their age.
You are the same. For you everything is a big deal, and when it isn't your on top, when you look at someone faster, smarter, better at things, it saddens you.
But the truth is: nothing is a big deal. Not a thing. Nothing is really significant. Neither your successes, nor your failures. One of my favorite sayings is "It is all in a day's work..." What I don't say: don't get too excited. Every excitement has its counter feeling, despair.
Success is a dirty word. Why? Because its shadow is failure. And success lives for a few seconds, but failure lives for a long time, preventing you from doing it again, or doing anything that can lead to success.
But, as it works, no success can be achieved without being an utter dork first, but the significance, the big deal bit stops you from being willing to risk being a dork. Not only publicly, mind you, even in your privacy. You won't be caught not succeeding. So you limit yourself, your life, your adventurousness to an ever smaller and smaller area.
Yesterday, on the Self-Healing course, we talked to the Soul. That is part of the course. One of the participants' Soul behaved like a caged tiger... that is you, that is your life.
So what can you do instead? I recommend doing an inventory with the mountain road crash exercise in front of you.
Draw a vertical line on an empty sheet of paper. On the left hand side write the heading: things I can or could do if I tried.
On the top of the page write the area of life, or the concern where you feel without options, I'll do the exercise too... For me that will be "selling my products..."
Start listing the things that you can or could do in that area. List them ONLY if you actually can do them. This is not a time for fantasies or dreaming. If you have to take a course to do something, then write "taking a course". If you need to read a book first, then write "read a book". If you need to make time for it... write: make time to do X.
The things that have a precondition, like the course, the book, the making of the time, will show you that the item is not something that can bring immediate action, but yet, keep it on the sheet. Concentrate on the items that don't seem to have any precondition. Concentrate on what you CAN do right now, without learning new skills, without having to change. Keep yourself in the present... in the NOW.
Do not include any "no" in your list. For example, if your concern is your weight, do not include items that say "stop", "avoid" etc. Only include actual doings, yes's.
Allow yourself a few days. Keep the list somewhere where you can see it, so you can add to it, so it can trigger your reticular activator. Your reticular activator will go out and get the stuff you know how to do so you can get off from dead stop.
If you are fortunate enough to have friends, interview them to find out what they think you can do well... don't mention the area, just ask "what do you think I am good at? What do you like about me?"
Make sure to write down what they say. They may be able to see things about you you are totally blind to.
For years people told me I was funny, but I could not hear it. For years people told me I was pretty, but I could not hear it. For years people told me I had a great smile... but I still refuse to do live videos.
Make sure you only write down what's great about you, what you can do, what you are good at. That is the open space between the car wreck and the abyss...
As I was writing this, I suddenly had a revelation: maybe I am funny, hm... could I do something with that?
Oh, and what activator would I suggest that you use? If your big issue is shrinking, because you are not what you ought to be, or life is not what it ought to be, if you keep on comparing yourself to others or some ideal and coming up short, then the Priorities activator will be perfect for you, would you say that A...y?
A...y is a student of mine. She spent her whole life in this conundrum. Ever since she got the Priorities activator, she has been able to see things she can do... and has started doing them.