99% of the time the person is looking in their head. As if that were the only place to look.
When I ask people if they ever knew the answer to my question, they don’t hesitate to tell me that no, they had never met the question or the answer. And yet… they look in their mind.
I have had this question for some time: what made me have a high TLB that is getting higher all the time. Because if I knew that, I would be able to teach it. 1
I didn’t go into my head for it. I knew I didn’t know the answer. In fact, I am probably the first person to ask this question.
I patiently waited for the answer to come to me. Dressed in disguise… but come anyway.
I know reading articles is, in general, not a good idea for you, given that you have no foundation of knowing… but someone with thousands of books read, like me, having a specific question, it is a very good resource.
I find some stuff… and then I read the book from it’s taken.
This morning I found a few interesting resources, one of them, I think answers my question.
Useful in some contexts, very bad for your mood… lol.
And then, some 10 years ago, I heard or read somewhere that humans are very amusing. That observing human behavior is very entertaining if you can just watch it with wonderment.
Yay, I like that. And then I began to train myself in earnest.
Finding the amusing, finding the entertaining.
I laugh at myself, I laugh when I find an unusual combination of words, I am delighted.
I have noticed in the exercise class: the people who laugh at them losing balance, or making a mistake, are the people who are younger than their chronological age. And when I muscle test them, their TLB is higher than the ones that don’t laugh.
Their are leaders and there are followers, the leaders in the laughter test highest. But even the ones that just follow start raising their TLB.
A book (Love 2.0) I am not going to read, instead I’ll read a book of a conversation the author has about the book. Why that book, why that researcher? Because the article said: the more “positive” moments you have in your life, result in greater overall well-being. 2
Yesterday’s article where I point out that unless you know what exactly worked after you accomplished something, you cannot repeat it, or sustain it, is probably a watershed moment for me.
I have been teaching, for about 20 years, that unless you acknowledge 3 the source of your results, you can’t really repeat your results…
Why? Because you do so many things… and if you don’t know what of those things worked you won’t repeat the result.
It’s not that you are stupid (although you may be), it is more that you are stingy.
Here is it in simple terms: what gets you to where you are, where you start, is what is in your head, and your how. Combined.
Then some new information comes from the outside and alters your actions, including the how.
But what you would need to acknowledge is that information and often a person who carries it, as source.
But you want to feel smart, and you don’t. You don’t want to acknowledge anyone, because of the dreaded “relative devaluation” You don’t even want to be compared to a billionaire… As if it made you automatically be worth less… and maybe it does.
But you want to live in your tiny bubble of delusion that you are as good as anyone else.
Every time Tai says: I am not as smart as Bill Gates, but almost… or something like that, I know he is a TLB 1.
There is that devaluation monster…
Here is what I think would be healthy: becoming the best version of yourself, comparing yourself to your own potential… realistic potential.
Then come from your strength and build on that. Build a life on your strength.
The Relative Devaluation always compares apples to oranges. Their strength to your weakness…
And this is where stupid wins… when you can’t see that.
But if you could see that receiving a gift from somebody’s strength does not devalue you… and acknowledging it neither.
It actually allows you to lean on their strength while you build your life on YOUR strength.
In the What Gives You Juice? conversations the main job I have is to find your hidden strength that has enough energy in it to take you to your best. 4
It’s not an easy task. I need to allow you to say what you think, and only “listen” to the underlying feelings, the amount of energy that is hidden in it.
Some of your strengths are like that. And often I need to burn your forest to get it to germinate.
- But if you treat what you get from me as my opinion, it will not work.
- If you treat what you get from me is irrelevant, and only what comes from your mind is relevant… you’ll remain the same.
To the degree that you can laugh, laugh at yourself, laugh at others, laugh from joy, laugh from funny… your TLB can be high and can start you to climb the Tree of Life.
Remaining at TLB 1? No climbing.
PS: Acknowledging the source of your result is, in common parlance, called : appreciation and gratitude. But how people use that, non-specific, non-precise, vague, foggy, too general… isn’t going to cut it.
Had they said: the thing you said about X made me follow it, and this is what happened… they would be able to know that X was valuable. Not me! X. And that is the point.
Acknowledging what you get, not the person.
- toughening up hasn’t been the answer!
- here is the link to the article,
Turning Negative Thinkers Into Positive Ones
Most mornings as I leave the Y after my swim and shower, I cross paths with a coterie of toddlers entering with their caregivers for a kid-oriented activity. I can’t resist saying hello, requesting a high-five, and wishing them a fun time. I leave the Y grinning from ear to ear, uplifted not just by my own workout but even more so by my interaction with these darling representatives of the next generation.
What a great way to start the day!
… continue to the NY Times article
acceptance of the truth or existence of something.
“there was no acknowledgment of the family’s trauma”
synonyms: acceptance, recognition, admission, concession, confession
“acknowledgment of the need to take new initiatives”
the action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.
“he received an award in acknowledgment of his work”
synonyms: thanks, gratitude, appreciation, recognition
“she left without a word of acknowledgment”
and more on the meaning and usage of the word: acknowledge, here https://www.grammarly.com/blog/what-is-the-difference-between-acknowledgement-and-acknowledgment/
- This is one of the coaching sessions I offer